Date: Wed, 15 Feb 1995 12:13:40 -0600 (CST) From: Kevyn Jacobs To: "Kansas Queer News [KQN]" Subject: NT: A DATE WITH PHELPS FROM THE NEWS-TELEGRAPH FEBRUARY 10 - 23, 1995 REPRINTED WITH PERMISSION ========================== A DATE WITH FRED PHELPS (AND OTHER RAMBLINGS) By Christopher Jackson Being on the road with a musical, the national tour of "Guys and Dolls" to be specific, you see a lot of strange things. But Fred Phelps and his "congregation" --- you know, the practitioners of hate? --- has to rank right up there at Numero Uno. They were picketing our production in Topeka (home turf) because Gays were presumed to be in the cast. Heck, they picketed a children's production of Frosty The Snowman, heckling the kiddies as they went by, telling them Frosty was evil and that Santa didn't exist. So much for holiday spirit. Anyway, Fred and his group got a little more than they bargained for with us. The Gays in the show staged a massive kiss-in and we photographed each other frenching with Phelps' "Fags Must Die" banners in the background. They liked that. One female disciple --- in a lovely little flannel number --- yelled, "Whatcha gonna do with that photo, fag-boy?" And my friend, James, replied, "I'm gonna put one copy under my pillow while my boyfriend and I are having sex and send another copy to Fred's Gay son in California." That took them back a bit. My dialogue with another Phelpsian went something like this: He: "Hey, sissy, you like this sign?" (It read: "Fags burn in hell.") Me: "How quaint." He: "I bet you like the other side even better." (Turns sign around. It reads: "Fags die from AIDS.") Me: "No, actually I think I like the first side. Could you turn it back?" He: "That's because you like that pink color I painted it, sissy-boy, all fags like pink." Me: (shocked!) "It's not pink, it's blue! I guess color blindness is a result of in-breeding." (Applause from the cast.) Ah, irony is wasted on the ignorant. The shows went on, and we bid Topeka a fond adieu. Actually, aside from Fred et al, Topeka is a nice town. Very friendly. Nice dance bar (Expressions) and cute farm boys. What else is there? It must not be easy being Fred. I mean, there is all those death threats. And once, a Lesbian in a pickup ran over his display. She claimed night blindness and got off. Fred wears a bulletproof vest. But the truth can pierce any armor. So can a few well-aimed verbal darts of wit and sarcasm. (Wouldn't you love to sic Quentin Crisp on him) Oh, and Fred? If you ever want to see just exactly what it is you're picketing, we'll have complimentary tickets waiting. See you around. Did I mention I LOVED your ear-flap head gear? Very Elmer Fudd. Does it come in designer colors? [Other non-Phelps material omitted] ========================================================== Permission granted by the News-Telegraph for distribution to the EKS email list (equalityks@qiclab.scn.rain.com), and archiving in the Queer Resources Directory (QRD) on the Internet (http://www.qrd.org/QRD). For News-Telegraph subscription information (published twice a month), please call 1.816.561.6266, or email: newstele@aol.com ==========================================================