Date: Thu, 19 Jun 1997 02:31:27 -1000
From: lambda@aloha.net (Martin Rice)
Subject: The Other Side Of Marriage

Aloha kakahiaka kakou.

The following comes to us from John at gorbyj@mail2.nai.net.  My favorite is #9.



Dear Martin:

    And the breeders say our marriages are unusual?  Against God?

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Top 15 Biblical Ways to Find a Wife


1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim
her nails and give her new clotches.  Then she's yours.  (Deuteronomy 21:10-13)

2. Find a prostitute and marry her.  (Hosea 1:1-3)

3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.  
(Moses in Exodus 2:16-21)

4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.  (Boaz
in Ruth 4:5-10)

5. Go to a party and hide.  When the woman comes out to dance, grab one and
carry her off to be your wife.  (Benjamites in Judges 21:19-25)

6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep.  (Adam in Genesis 2:19-24)

7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage.
Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman.  Then work another seven years
for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right, 14 years
of toil for Mrs. Right.  (Jacob in Genesis 29:15-30)

8. Cut 200 foreskins of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his
daughter for a wife.  (David in I Samuel 18:27)

9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll
definitly find someone.  It's all relative, of course.  (Cain in Genesis
4:16-17)

10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.  (Xerxes
in Esther 2:3-3)

11. Kill my husband and take HIS wife (prepare to lose 4 sons, though).
(David in 2 Samuel 11)

12. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have
seen a woman...now get her for me as a wife."  If your parents question your
decision, simply say, "Get her for me.  She's the one for me."  (Samson in
Judges 14:1-3)

13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow.  (Onan-Genesis 39:8)

14. Don't be so picky.  Make up for quality with quantity.  (Solomon 1 Kings
11:1-3)

15. A wife?...not!!! (Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:31-35)


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(I can't claim any credit for this... I ran across it somewhere.  It
seemed pertinent to some of the issues discussed on Gaynet.)

Best,


John




 

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  "To imply that lesbians and gay men are somehow incompatible 
   with, or incapable or unworthy of, marriage or morality is
              not morality; it is discrimination."
                                     --Dan Foley, Evan Wolfson
                                             and Kirk Cashmere
                                              Answering Brief,
                                                Baehr v. Miike
                              ~~~~~
                         Fred and Martin
                            24 years,
                      yet strangers before
                             the law
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~