Date: Fri, 19 Jun 1998 14:44:53 -0400 From: Chris Ambidge Subject: *Integrator* files for 1993 volume 93-6, issue date 1993 09 28 copyright 1993 Integrity/Toronto. The hard-copy version of this newsletter carries the ISSN 0843-574X Integrity/Toronto Box 873 Stn F Toronto ON Canada M4Y 2N9 == contents == [93-6-1] CRUCIFIXION: *An Easter AIDS Story* / by Molly McGreevy [author unknown at the time of initial publication] [93-6-2] OUR CHURCH HAS AIDS: Let's Talk [93-6-3] A RESPONSE TO FUNDAMENTALISM / by Leona Irsch [93-6-4] LETTER FROM PRISON / from Kyle Eustace, a gay man in prison in Florida. [93-6-5] HOMOSEXUALITY TASK FORCE TO PRODUCE PARISH RESOURCE / from the National Office of the Anglican Church of Canada [93-6-6] THE SEWING CIRCLE / by Ann Cockerham, who is making a quilt panel for a friend who has died [93-6-7] THANK YOU, NORM [96-3-8] INTEGRITY/ATLANTA ANSWERS GEORGIA HOMOPHOBES / by Mark Graham [93-6-9] PASTORAL LETTER FROM THE BISHOP OF ATLANTA ======== [93-6-1] CRUCIFIXION: *An Easter AIDS Story* Author unknown. Reprinted from the Newsletter of Integrity/ El Camino Real [the author of this sermon was later identified: this was the Good Friday 1989 sermon of Molly McGreevy, Pastoral Assistant at St Luke's in-the-Fields, New York City.] ABOUT TWO YEARS AGO I went to a crucifixion. It took place in the Intensive Care Unit at the Hospital where I was in training for hospital chaplaincy. This twentieth-century crucifixion was a bitter-sweet reminder for me of the mystery of the cross, whose power can only be experienced and never understood. The story began on a Sunday, the first day of what was to become an extraordinary Holy Week. In the midst of a routine visit to the Unit, I noticed a patient sitting up in his bed eating his dinner. I noticed him for three reasons. One, there was the tell-tale fuchsia sign over his cubicle, the sign containing a list of precautionary directions for hospital workers, the sign that spelled out AIDS for those in the know. Two, this patient was noticeable because he was sitting up. His vertical position seemed unusual in this unit of generally horizontal persuasion. To be in an Intensive Care Unit is to be one who needs to lie down, not sit up. And three, I noticed him because he was, in a word, as my daughters would have put it, a "hunk." He was one of the most beautiful young men I've ever seen. He was tall and dark skinned, of Puerto Rican extraction, thin, but not wasted, fine- boned, large brown eyes that seemed to look right through you, a head of dark, thick, shiny hair that one would kill for. His manner, his bearing, and his gestures exuded a kind of power and charisma. He was sitting up eating his supper with some difficulty. In one hand he held an oxygen mask, in the other his fork. He would take a forkful of food, chew for a few seconds, and then place the mask over his nose and mouth and breathe deeply for a minute. There was a rhythm to this activity, a focused concentration which seemed to elevate mundane actions to the level of music and dance. He was, I discovered, a dancer and a choreographer. There was a moment of awkwardness when he looked up to see this strange woman staring at him. Then I introduced myself, apologised for staring, asked if I might come back later, and expressed the fact that I had never seen anyone eat and breathe with so much grace. He smiled, and all my clinical detachment flew out the window. He was somehow in charge of our transaction, and he spoke not a word. Later, when I returned, his family had arrived. His mother, his father, his brother, and an ex-girlfriend who was now a good friend. It was obvious that his family adored him. He was their shining star, their pride and joy. They stroked his brow, patted his arm, held his hand, smoothed his hair, and murmured sounds of constant encouragement. I glanced through his chart at the nurses' station. Steve, age 30, Roman Catholic. Diagnosis: Pneumocystis Pneumonia. Warning: family not to be told of the patient's condition. Patient also requests not to be put on life- supporting breathing apparatus. Linda, the girlfriend, drew me aside to explain. "He's only come out as being gay in the last few years, and he doesn't want to disappoint his family. They've always been so close, especially he and his dad, and he knows how orthodox they are in their religious beliefs. Mother Church knows best. So they think he just has some unusually severe pneumonia. He doesn't want them to know he's gay." So I kept quiet. The next day, Monday, when I went back to the unit, I saw Steven lying flat on his back with a breathing tube down his throat. Apparently, he had awakened in the middle of the night to find himself drowning in his own fluid, and, in a natural reflex of panic, he had requested the tube. Was I never to hear the sound of his voice? His family had all but taken up residence in the waiting room. Night and day, they visited him in his cubicle, together and in shifts. Faithful disciples tending to this special son. I thought of the many people with AIDS lying in loneliness with no one to soothe their fevered brows, no none for whom they might be shining stars. But then, Steven's parents believed that he only had a difficult pneumonia from which he would surely recover. After all, he was a dancer, young, in good physical condition, and so full of power and natural magnetism, on the brink of so much success. He was a fighter. He had the will, the grace, and the talent. Steve communicated loving notes to his family with his pencil and large yellow pad. By Wednesday night, however, his condition was deteriorating. he was weaker, his handwriting less sure. The tubes attached to his body seemed to multiply. Morphine was added to his medication programme. Steven's mother decided it was time to call in some outside specialist to look into the matter. The hospital doctors didn't seem to be helping. Linda was feeling the burden of the secret knowledge which couldn't be revealed. The doctor confided to me his sense that Steven would probably not make it through the week. His body was beginning to bloat from kidney malfunctioning. His vital signs were weakening. His mother called the specialist. Linda could bear her burden no longer. She confronted Steven early Thursday morning. "Please tell them," she said. "You're not being fair to them or to yourself. They will probably find out anyway after you're gone. There are papers to sign which name this disease. And then they will be left having to deal with an important aspect of you with only a grave to talk to. Don't let them go through this alone. Don't hold back from them such a vital part of you. Do this for them and trust the love that exists between you." Steven wrote on his pad with great effort: "I'll think about it." All that Thursday Steven lay in his garden of Gethsemane, his garden lush with tubes and machines and plastic bags. He could no speak to us of his struggle, he was too weak to write all his thoughts on that yellow pad. I dared not suggest that the truth would set everyone free, for I would not be paying the price. This was between Steven and his God. It was his choice to make, his risk to take. Friday morning, Steven's pad contained the following words: "I have AIDS. I am Gay." No amount of morphine could have dulled the pain of that day. His mother stood by him, her love never wavered, but she knew now that he would die. His brother stayed also, though we never knew what he thought. But his father was angry, his anger fashioned a cross for Steven. His words cut into Steven's flesh like the stinging thongs of a scourging whip, like nails piercing skin and muscle and nerve tissue, like the sharp points of thorns digging in to the head, sending acute laser-like pains throughout the face and deep into the ears. "You brought this disease upon yourself. It is God's judgement for your sin. I have no sons who are fags, and so you are not my son. I disown you. You did this to us, and you can rot in Hell!" And he walked out. He did not stop to see the new words Steven was laboriously writing on his pad in large shaky letters which could no longer follow the lines. "I love you." Dad was gone. Steve was no longer his father's shining star. He was cast out. All day Saturday, the father stayed away. And Steven's beauty deteriorated further. He had now no "form or comeliness that we should look at him and no beauty that we should desire him ... he was despised and we esteemed him not." Yet, his mother, his brother, and Linda stood by. He could not speak to them of his loneliness and despair. He was doing a mighty work of love, and he was doing it by himself. He had chosen this path. Now he could only endure. On Sunday, the father returned. He remained alone in the cubicle with his son. Later he told us of some of the conversation. "Steven, you have turned my world upside down. All day yesterday, I was angry. All night, I did not sleep. I was angry that you had not told me sooner. I was angry that you told me at all. I was angry because it seemed at though you were making me chose between my moral beliefs and my son, my church and you. I have been taught that the Church speaks for God and says that being a homosexual is wrong and AIDS is a consequence of Sin. But I love you and so now nothing is clear anymore, and I don't know what this disease is saying to me. I wanted you to tell me you were sorry. I do not say that I will ever understand about this Gay business, but you are my son and I know of your goodness. I have memories of our closeness, and so I must wrestle with all that you are and to love all that you are, not just the pieces that fit in with my Church's rules. So now I tell you that it is I who am sorry, and I ask your forgiveness." There were tears. There was joy. The rest was all private, the kind of communing that occurs between people who have resolved their differences and are reconciled. It was a Sunday event. Three hours later, Steven slipped into a coma and died. We were all with him, and he died in peace. The father tore off the page from Steven's pad which said, "I have AIDS. I am Gay" and which also said, down at the bottom in large five-year-old letters, "I love you." He folded it carefully and put it in his pocket. The last words of the boy who was, and would remain, his shining star. Had our small group experienced the power and meaning of that first crucifixion of long ago? The one which made all subsequent crucifixions possible to bear as a continuing sign of the ability of love to overcome fear and anger and hate? Jesus Christ's self- offering to God for the world produced a cross which he willingly embraced so that we might be reconciled to God. With God's grace, Steven's self-offering to his family also produced a cross which he bore in hope that there would be a reconciliation. An instrument of death became a vehicle for new life, new growth, new possibilities. The vulnerable victim became the powerful victor. Christ is made present once again: It seems to happen again and again, especially in those places of suffering and weakness. It makes no sense at all. The cross is folly to our logical Greek minds. But it happened, and it continues to happen. In this life we can never fully understand it, but the cross is God's work and it is for us, not against us. We can only receive the grace to be open to it, and then know the cross as the place of profound joy and peace. Steven's doctor, knowing nothing of what had transpired, had some final words to say to me, words well-intentioned but full of irony in the light of this story. "Too bad," he said, "too bad that Steven succumbed to panic last week and asked for that breathing tube. He and his family could have been spared this extra week of suffering." How could I have explained it? In the end, it is a matter for proclamation, not explanation! Amen. ======== [93-6-2] OUR CHURCH HAS AIDS: Let's Talk AIDS Awareness Sunday this year is October 3. The Toronto Diocesan AIDS committee has circulated a resource package to all the clergy of the diocese, and it is available across the country through the national church office's resource centre. There will be observations of the day in parish churches across the diocese (check with your rector to make sure they'll be happening at your parish). Integrity/Toronto's host parish, Holy Trinity, will be the site of two diocesan events marking AIDS Awareness Week (October 3 - 9). On Sunday October 3 at 4pm, there will be a Eucharist, with Laying on of Hands. The preacher will be Archbishop Ted Scott, the former Primate. The celebrant will be Sister Benedetta CSC, of the diocese of Niagara. At that hour, Holy Trinity usually has a plainsong sung Evensong. Instead of singing Evensong, the choir, led by John Phair, will be providing music for the AIDS liturgy. Throughout the week (Monday 4 - Friday 8) there will be an AIDS vigil held in the nave at Holy Trinity from 12 noon to 1:30. The diocesan AIDS remembrance book will be there, and there will be a short time of prayer at 12:20 each day. ======== [93-6-3] A RESPONSE TO FUNDAMENTALISM [Editor's Note: In the last issue of *Integrator*, we reported on the dialogue held at St James' Cathedral. In the question-and- answer period after the "Homosexuality and the Bible" session, a woman wearing a green dress got up and "witnessed" to her conversion from homosexuality by various passages in 1 Corinthians. At the time, I asked how we should continue to dialogue with Fundamentalists. LEONA IRSCH sent this reply:] In response to your question of how to deal with fundamentalists in the last *Integrator*, I have had extensive experience with fundamentalists but have not found any way to dialogue with them. One might as well try to have a dialogue with a brick wall, for part of the system is that you are wrong if you disagree with them. I would like to note a couple of things that might be helpful in your thinking about the problem, however. First, understand that the problem of fundamentalism is that faith depends upon the accuracy of the Bible. The old Sunday School song wasn't kidding: "Jesus loves me, this I know; for the Bible tells me so." If one could prove the inaccuracy of any part of the Bible, a fundamentalist would be in doubt about his/her faith. That is why they have to prove everyone else wrong. Secondly, there might as well have been no incarnation for fundamentalists: God is found in a book, not in human beings. The beginning of this heresy (to my mind) is that the Word of God is a book, not Jesus Christ, a person. Fundamentalism grew up in response to the liberal heresies that Jesus Christ was a "nice man," or something equivalently insipid. When the historical- critical method ripped away people's faith, fundamentalism responded with a vengeance, saving the divinity of Christ and the transcendence of God from the ash heap. The problem is that Jesus Christ is also a human being, and that God is present in other human beings. That makes for a much less tidy faith, since human beings are untidy, but many of us cannot exist in the house of fundamentalism and have no other alternative than an untidy faith, which almost pales in comparison to the authority of fundamentalism. Does fundamentalism force people to deny their sexuality? Of course; it makes them deny their humanity. It makes them deny that humanity is good. I feel sorry for fundamentalists, just as I would feel sorry for anyone trapped in a prison where there is no air to breathe. I don't know how to deliver people from their own prisons, however. My only suggestion is that you pray for the Woman in the Green Dress and all her friends, understanding how much God weeps over the failure of all of us to repent. ======== [93-6-4] LETTER FROM PRISON [We recently received this letter from KYLE EUSTACE who is a young gay man in prison in Florida. He speaks for himself.] 8 July 1993 Dear Integrity I am a 22 year old male in prison for crimes I committed. I got this organisation's address from another inmate here at the prison. I want to tell my story to someone, but I have no-one to tell it to and I am hoping you will help me in getting it told so other people will hear it. I don't want people whether old or young to go through what I went through in my young life. I want to tell about my drug abuse along with my physical abuse. When I was younger I was molested by my mom because she didn't want me to turn a fag as she stated, and through the years she found out I was what she always hated. So at the age of 14 she started throwing me out of the house which is where I learned to run the streets. When I first hit the streets I was a troubled teenager already. I was caught in what [would] later be described to me as a sexual identity problem. With this problem came suicide attempts and drug abuse to try and rid the pain I endured at home when I wasn't thrown out. As I got older I learned what was haunting me in my subconscious. My own father had also molested me. I don't know why it happened to me, but when I realised what happened to me is when some inmate tried to rape me, and then it all flashed back in my mind. I don't want people to go through it, and I want people to understand [that] child molesters [exist] in the family, because it is real. If I would have told this story seven years ago people would have called me a liar, looking for attention. I want to get this published in your newsletter you send out. I want parents to see this so they know what to look for in a troubled teenager, whether it is drugs or depression. The first sign of drug abuse is sleeping a lot, mood swings and the violent rages they go through, either when coming down from a high or when they can't get the drugs they need to keep the peace in their mind. A fair sign of depression is the person's sleepless nights , withdrawing from their family and their friends. A second sign is when you try to talk to them to see what's bothering them they yell at you and have a tantrum. I hope someone listens to me and my story of my life. I'm in prison and I would like to get your newsletter that is published and to see if you will help me get some people to write while I'm in prison. Please help me get this letter published, because I feel it can help some people with their lives. It helped my life. I'm in prison, but I am getting a better education so I will get a good job when I get out. Thank you Kyle Eustace. [If you would like to write to Kyle, the address is: Kyle Eustace 595297 # 1716 / Avon Park Correctional Institution / PO Box 1100 / Avon Park FL USA 33825-1100 ] ======== [93-6-5] From 600 Jarvis St, the national office of the Anglican Church of Canada HOMOSEXUALITY TASK FORCE TO PRODUCE PARISH RESOURCE THE 1992 GENERAL SYNOD mandated a study of homosexuality and homosexual relationships to include; "modern scientific knowledge, the church's understanding of biblical teaching of homosexuality, human relationships inclusiveness and justice; and the experiences of gays and lesbians who are committed Christians." A report, including specific recommendations, is to be submitted to the 1995 General Synod. The National Executive Council has approved a plan for carrying out the study which includes a phase of study and response by parishes and dioceses. The study resource is intended to be available by the end of January 1994, and responses will be received up until the Fall of that year. Members of the task force are Bishop Walter Asbil *Niagara*, Ms Sherri Coman *Toronto*, Bishop Jim Cruickshank *Cariboo*, the Rev Helena Houldencroft (Chair) *Qu'Appelle*, Ms Diane Marshall *Toronto*, Bishop Peter Mason *Ontario*, Dr Donald Meen *New Westminster*, the Rev George Porter *Brandon*, and Mr Norman Wesley *Moosonee*. More information may be obtained from the chair, Helena Houldcroft, 2855 Lacon St, Regina SK S7N 2A9, or the office of the General Secretary of General Synod, 600 Jarvis St Toronto M4Y 2J6. = = = = = WATCH OUT FOR THIS VIDEO: Christian Sexual Ethics documents an unprecedented encounter between the Rev John Stott, a noted evangelical theologian, and the Rt Rev John Spong, bishop of Newark. Two well-articulated positions, both biblical but vastly different (30 minutes). Available by September 30 from Anglican Book Centre, 600 Jarvis St Toronto $39.95 ======== [93-6-6] THE SEWING CIRCLE by Ann Cockerham [ANN COCKERHAM lives in Terre Haute, Indiana. She is making a quilt panel for a friend who has died.] Last night I visited the AIDS quilt panel-making group at the Path of Light Psychic Science Church. These folks meet in a converted store front. Their minister is a woman in her late fifties, straight, and is a major figure at the gay bar. She acts as "mother" to the men at the bar, and also judges the drag shows. Most of the members at Path of Life are gay men, and many of their members have died of AIDS. When we started work on the Names Project here, the Path of Life eagerly got their own sewing circle together. They meet regularly at the church just to sew and have six quilts planned. At last night's gathering I met: a straight man and his two grown daughters and 1 year old granddaughter, in whose home "Steve" had lived before he died; a gay man who has AIDS, sewing quietly in a corner at a machine; a middle-aged woman who, as experienced quilter, was taking charge of sewing details; an ancient woman and her elderly son (both straight, I'm sure) who apparently knew all of the deceased well; and several other gay men. There were also me and another woman who was visiting. I was amazed to see once again the face of God in this place, shabby and schlocky, full of people with little in the way of this world's goods or education, but with a wealth of love for each other and for us strangers in their midst. They happily, noisily went about their projects, passing the baby from one pair of playful arms to the next, or letting her crawl on the quilts-in- the-making. I also saw the face of God in the other visitor, a woman whose son died at 28 only a year ago. He had lived in Austin until about two months before he died, when his parents brought him back to Terre Haute. His mother took care of him, unaided by any sort of AIDS support group (there was no such support then). She and her husband did it alone. She told me last night that her son had designed the cover of his high school yearbook, and she only has a few copies left (she's given several to his friends). And she was wondering whether or not to put his hat into the quilt she would make. And she has his clothes, which she wants to sew into quilts. She's slowly healing. I ache to see what she has faced and what she has yet to face. I ache to think of a 28-year-old boy watching his partner die and then dying himself. May we never become immune to this pain. ======== [93-6-7] THANK YOU, NORM THE REV NORM RICKABY stepped down this month as Co-convener of Integrity/Toronto, after two years and nine months in the position. He announced at the Annual General Meeting back in January that he would be doing so at the beginning of the next school year. John Gartshore will continue as Convener for the rest of the year. Norm and John have been Co-conveners since January of 1991, which have been particularly adventurous times for Integrity/Toronto. During this time, we have become much more visible both in the church and the world: we have begun to have a display at Toronto diocesan Synod on a regular basis, and we co-sponsored a display at General Synod last year. The Jim Ferry affair, which began in the summer of 1991, has occasioned a lot of extra work for everyone who advocates for lesgays in the Church. Some of us have even appeared on television in this flurry of visibility and activity. Much work has been done, Norm and John have had to shoulder a lot of it, and many thanks are due to them. A lot remains to be done, of course, and fresh hands are needed at the pump. Please consider prayerfully what you could be doing to further the work of Integrity in the future. ======== [96-3-8] INTEGRITY/ATLANTA ANSWERS GEORGIA HOMOPHOBES from Mark Graham [MARK GRAHAM is editor of *ex umbris*, the newsletter of Integrity/Atlanta. This article is reprinted from *ex umbris*. RECENTLY, THE COBB COUNTY COMMISSION (suburban Atlanta) passed a resolution declaring homosexuality as incompatible with their community standards. This gave encouragement to all who preach hatred and intolerance, quite often in the name of Jesus. It also gave Integrity/Atlanta a great opportunity to witness to the love of Christ in their lives. Numerous phone calls to Integrity after the Cobb vote asked the simple question, "What does the Episcopal Church think about all the mess?" Keeping that question in mind, Convenor Mark Stevens and *ex umbris* Editor Mark Graham met with Bishop Allan at the Episcopal Center on 20 August. Up to this point, the bishop had taken a hands-off approach to the Cobb brouhaha but after a healthy dialogue, he agreed to consider issuing some sort of statement affirming the Church's covenant, as stated in the Baptismal liturgy, "to respect the dignity of every human being." [see below] Integrity/Atlanta members were well represented at a rally and "gay family picnic" in late August. Midway through the picnic, Convenor Stevens made his way to the stage where he was literally caught up in the Spirit and contrasted the god of the intolerant against the God whose Name is Love. He said, "The God I worship loves the family -- gay, straight, black or Jew. We're not going to let them use our Bible to beat us over the head with it." These words got a great ovation from the crowd, and were later quoted in both the Atlanta *Constitution* and National Public Radio. While Stevens was on stage, Integrity Chaplain Stina Pope was being interviewed by CNN and USA Today. The USA Today article, appearing in their issue of August 23, quoted Pope as saying, "All the folks here (the Integrity contingent) are faithful gay Christians and what the Cobb commission is doing is rank intolerance." As a result of this public witness on the square in Marietta, the Chapter has already had numerous inquiries from persons moved by our presence and voice. Integrity/Atlanta has taken another step in doing the work of evangelism within our community. While Integrity has traditionally avoided political activism, as Convenor Stevens put it, "With so-called Christians spewing these lies, we felt we had to be faithful to Christ's Gospel and witness to the truth." ======== [93-6-9] PASTORAL LETTER FROM THE BISHOP OF ATLANTA September 1993 The Grace of Our Lord Jesus Christ, the Love of God, and the Fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you always. There is currently considerable debate in our community about "family values" which has now received national media attention. The root of the word "family" is "household," and the households in which people live are found in many shapes and forms: parents and children, husbands and wives without children, divorced and single people with children, couples of the same sex, adult children and elderly parents, extended families, etc. Most people in our society do not live in families that fit the stereotype of the father who goes to work and the mother who stays home to take care of children. But whatever form a household may take, the values that we are called to uphold are fidelity and stability and relationships that do not exploit and abuse. Tragically, there is too much violence, abuse, and incest even in those families that we call "traditional." Jesus reminds us that his family, his mother and father and sisters and brothers, are those who do the will of his Father. (Matthew 12:50) Ultimately, our family is the Family of God. We are all called to be brothers and sisters to one another. That is why the Baptismal Covenant in the Book of Common Prayer asks each candidate for Baptism to promise to respect the dignity of every human being, for we are all bound to one another, made in the image of God. To this end, our Church has called us "to find an effective way to foster a better understanding of homosexual persons, to dispel myths and prejudices about homosexuality, to provide pastoral support, and to give life to the claim of homosexual persons upon the love, acceptance, and pastoral care and concern of the Church." As we struggle with the ethical issues around homosexuality, people of faith are called to listen lovingly to those with whom they may disagree. As Jesus was converted by the Syrophoenician woman, the outsider who came to him on behalf of her daughter (Mark 7:26ff); we might find that we too are changed, as he was, when we stop long enough to listen to the other person whose differences from us are far outweighed by our common humanity. It is important, however, to state unequivocally that such statements as "Praise God for AIDS," seen on a poster in the midst of a crowd advocating "traditional family values," are contrary to the mind and love of Christ. Such statements and attitudes do not represent the teaching of this Church, nor, for that matter, the majority of Christians. [+Frank K Allan ] Bishop of Atlanta ======== End of volume 93-6 of Integrator, the newsletter of Integrity/Toronto copyright 1993 Integrity/Toronto comments please to Chris Ambidge, Editor chris.ambidge@utoronto.ca OR Integrity/Toronto Box 873 Stn F Toronto ON Canada M4Y 2N9