Date: Fri, 19 Jun 1998 14:44:53 -0400 From: Chris Ambidge Subject: *Integrator* files for 1993 INTEGRATOR, the newsletter of Integrity/Toronto volume 93-2, issue date 1993 02 03 copyright 1993 Integrity/Toronto. The hard-copy version of this newsletter carries the ISSN 0843-574X Integrity/Toronto Box 873 Stn F Toronto ON Canada M4Y 2N9 == contents == [93-2-1] BRIDGE-BUILDING DIALOGUES ACROSS THE DIOCESE by Chris Ambidge [93-2-2] OPENING THE DOORS TO UNDERSTANDING: St Clement's talks about Homosexuality / a four-part article by KD Miller [93-2-3] JIM FERRY'S STORY NOW BETWEEN HARD COVERS / by the Rev Norm Rickaby [93-2-4] CONVERSATION WITH GOD - in the subway, 24 June 1992 7:30am by Alice Forster [93-2-5] ASH WEDNESDAY MEDITATION / delivered by Doug Fox at Integrity/Toronto's Ash Wednesday Eucharist 1992 ======== [93-2-1] BRIDGE-BUILDING DIALOGUES ACROSS THE DIOCESE by Chris Ambidge In his charge to Synod in September of 1991, Bishop Finlay asked for people across the diocese to become bridge-builders, to begin dialogues with others on the other side of contentious issues in the church. People have been taking him at his word, and talking to (as opposed to shouting at) those with whom they do not see eye-to-eye. One of the chasms which the bishop named as needing a bridge was the position of lesbians and gays in the church. That is the particular province of Integrity. In this issue of *Integrator* we begin to look at some of the bridges being built. A number of parishes within the diocese have held discussions or educational events. We know of several within Metro Toronto, but this isn't just an urban issue. Integrity's own John Gartshore was called upon by the parish of Port Perry to come as a resource person for their conversations one evening last winter. Last November, a four-part series called *Opening the Doors to Understanding* was held at St Clement's, Eglinton. This was a very well-attended event, and a full report on that programme by KD Miller appears below. A month before that, St Andrew's church in Scarborough began a six-part dialogue series called *Bridge-Building at St Andrew's*. Norm Rickaby and I were part of the planning and presenting team for that event, and seven other Integrity members shared their stories with the participants. We'll be reporting on the St Andrew's dialogues in the next issue of *Integrator*: watch for it. Integrity is very pleased and privileged to provide resources, both printed and human, to these bridge-building events. We don't pretend to have the corner on concern, though: an *Ad-Hoc Group* [that's their name, not my description] is also working to get people into dialogue around the often painful subject of lesgays in the church. Other people of goodwill are also answering Bishop Finlay's call for bridge-builders. May God prosper all our efforts. ======== [93-2-2] OPENING THE DOORS TO UNDERSTANDING St Clement's talks about Homosexuality by KD Miller [This article also appears in the February 1993 issue of The Anglican, the Toronto diocesan newspaper, and appears here by permission. KD MILLER is a parishioner at St Clement's, Eglinton.] "I'm delighted with my life. I'm glad to be gay." "Same-sex relationships violate God's creational norms." "I don't believe God would make ten percent of creation homosexual, only to condemn it to celibacy." "I'm really uncomfortable. I don't even know what I'm doing here." "Those were the best two hours I've ever spent inside a church." "It's high time we took this issue out of the closet." "An atmosphere of respect for all points of view" was one goal of the educational series, *Opening the Doors of Understanding: St Clement's Looks at Homosexuality*, presented in November by the Church of St Clement, Eglinton. Guest speakers included theologians, psychiatrists, gay rights activists and parents. They addressed the issue from standpoints ranging from the scientific and theological to the deeply personal, drawing questions and comments that, like those quoted above, reflected love and fear, anger and hope. Archbishop Ted Scott, former Primate of the Anglican Church of Canada, participated in all four Wednesday evening programmes, providing a Christian context for each topic and interpreting it in light of the church's mission today. "If we are to be new creatures in a new relationship with God," he said on the first evening, "then we must be in a new relationship with those whom God loves." Last March, Canon Douglas Stoute, rector of St Clement's, along with a group of concerned parishioners, began planning the series in response to Bishop Finlay's call to promote understanding through dialogue between gays and lesbians and the rest of the church. The Anglican Book Centre and PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) were asked to contribute a display of pertinent books and pamphlets for the series. The topics chosen for the four evenings, *Scripture and Tradition*; *Psychiatric, Genetic and Moral Concerns*; *Civil Rights and Social Justice*; and finally, *Our Stories, Your Stories*, reflected, as one committee member put it, a movement "from the cerebral to the visceral." To inform the congregation of the series' philosophy and intention, the committee prepared a statement which was distributed in the Parish Newsletter. That statement read, in part: "Many church members are reluctant to talk about sexuality ... and would prefer to keep such matters an area of private reflection and concern. We have great respect for this point of view and will ensure that the Wednesday evening series on homosexuality will be an objective treatment of what is known, what can be known, and what moral conclusions can be drawn. As we open the doors to understanding, let us pray together that we continue to build our community of the basis of mutual caring and trust." Two Sundays before the series began, Harry Meanwell, committee member and former Rector's Warden, preached at St Clement's. He described his and his wife Elizabeth's journey toward understanding and acceptance of homosexuality. "With great humility," he said, "we speculated on the mind of the living Jesus more than on the mind of St Paul or the institutional church, and concluded we were meant to be an INCLUSIVE church." = = = = = ##Week 1 ** Scripture and Tradition## In very different ways, all three speakers at the first programme tended to agree with that final statement. Archbishop Scott began by observing that each individual sees life through the "window" of his or her own experience. Though the truth is always bigger than the window, he said, the window is neither static nor fixed, but can grow as understanding grows. He reminded those present that homosexuality is a complex, emotional issue, one demanding a compassionate and creative approach. Glen Taylor, Assistant Professor of Old Testament at Wycliffe College, presented the traditional view. First underlining the distinction between sexual orientation and sexual practice, he posed the critical question: Are homosexual relationships a viable option for Christians? The traditional view is that Adam and Eve of the Genesis creation story are themselves a reflection of the maleness and femaleness of God. Because they are one flesh, their sexual union is in fact a reunion. Jesus, in affirming the law, affirms the male/female complementary nature of sex. Thus, traditionally, neither the Old nor the New Testament condones same-sex "marriage." Taylor concluded by challenging Christians to respect tradition while at the same time responding with compassion to the homosexuals in their midst. The true abomination, he said, is not homosexuality, but homophobia. David Neelands, Fellow of Trinity College, focused on problems of translation scripture. "Homosexual" is a very modern term, one foreign to ancient texts. The lumping together of "homosexuals" with thieves and idolaters in I Corinthians 6, for instance, is in fact a mistranslated reference to male prostitutes. There has until very recently been no real dialogue between the Christian and gay communities, Neelands pointed out; no attempt by the Church to see life from the standpoint of homosexual people. He challenged Christians to take a fresh look at the issue, to reconsider what is meant by "natural" and "unnatural" and to count the cost of cruelty and hypocrisy. The Church, he concluded, is at its best as a visionary. One audience member expressed the frustration felt by homosexual Christians trying to integrate their spiritual and sexual lives. "I've given up on scripture. I do not intend to live my life without the communion of sex ... without glimpsing, however briefly, the love of God through that communion." = = = = = ##Week 2 ** Psychiatric, Genetic and Moral Concerns## Dr John Sloane, a psychoanalyst and parishioner of St Clement's, and Dr Stephen Atkinson, a psychotherapist dealing mainly with lesbians and gays, spoke at the second programme. Sloane presented his paper "From Homophobia to Homophilia". In it, he explored his own and his profession's mixed and changing reaction to the issue of homosexuality. He told of a high school friend who confided to him that he was gay. Sloane's initial shock and revulsion over his friend's confession were "... mixed with concern for the terribly lonely struggle he had been going through and wanted to share with someone he knew was 'straight' ... My friend had chosen me as a bridge to a world he ... was afraid would reject him." Sloane came to a new understanding and appreciation of his friend, as well as a new tolerance for his sexual orientation. Drawing a parallel between his own learning experience and that of the American Psychiatric Association, which de-listed homosexuality as a psychiatric illness in 1973, Sloane stated, "... homophobia flourishes in the dark, in ignorance of the fact that homosexuality is neither taught, nor caught, nor chosen." He challenged those present "... to think about homosexuality as something that comes naturally and feels deeply right to some people, however unnatural or wrong it may seem to others." Speaking again from a personal standpoint, as a Christian, he concluded, "It is time, I believe, for the Church to find ways of recognising and upholding faithful partnerships between homosexuals." Dr Atkinson offered a similar combination of professional and personal insights. "I was a gay baby," he said. "Why? I don't know why." Homosexuality, he stated, is not something that "happens" to a person, but is a part of their essential makeup from the beginning. In order to debunk some myths about homosexuals and deal with the nature/nurture question, he proceeded to teach "Gay 101". There is no proof that any one factor, biological, psychological or sociological, "causes" a person to be gay. The exact roles played by genetics and psychodynamics are still matters for debate. What can be known is that homosexuality occurs in every human society and in animals. "This is a side of creation that we have to come to terms with." Though he himself encountered "religious harshness" as a young gay man, Atkinson has heard homosexual patients describe their coming to terms with their true selves as a spiritual, healing process that brought them closer to God. Life is harder for gays than for straights. The gap between society's expectations and their own personal reality is particularly damaging to the self. Nevertheless, "... to try to fit in, to give up our integrity, is to make ourselves sick." Atkinson concluded that some gays might even see their homosexuality as a blessing, because it is a challenge. It creates a sense of exile, necessitating a striving toward God. In summing up, Archbishop Scott reflected that our views of God and each other have been shaped by a predominantly heterosexual "window." Though the true nature of God is beyond our comprehension, we can take "in His image" to mean conscious, alive and capable of choice. The Archbishop reminded those present of Jesus' warnings regarding rigid adherence to the letter of the law, then questioned why we so often impose conformity on each other, given God's obvious love of diversity. One audience member drew a parallel between "coming out" as a homosexual and "coming out" as a Christian in an increasingly secular society. How many more Bishop's Court's will have to convene, he asked, before our Church becomes comfortable with homosexuals and homosexuality? = = = = = ##Week 3 ** Civil Rights and Social Justice## "What are we going to do about the Jim Ferrys out there who are twelve and thirteen right now? How are we going to nurture them?" These questions were posed by Dr Miriam Kaufman during the third programme of the series. Kaufman is a staff physician in the Division of Adolescent Medicine at the Hospital for Sick Children. She and David Rayside, a gay rights activist and Associate Professor of Political Science at the University of Toronto, addressed the issues of *Civil Rights and Social Justice*. Kaufman spoke anecdotally about her and her patients' experiences in a society that pressures teenagers to behave sexually, then forbids young same-sex couples to hold hands on the street. Gay and lesbian teenagers have no positive role models, thus frequently do not know how to initiate and sustain a relationship. They hear the word "gay" used in a derogatory fashion by classmates and teachers. They have high dropout and substance abuse rates. Many, rejected by their parents, become "throwaways", with nowhere to go. Not surprisingly, gay and lesbian youth account for 20% of adolescent suicides. Confiding that she is herself a lesbian who has lived for fourteen years with a woman and is raising two children, Kaufman challenged those present to rethink the meaning of the word "family". "All of you people know somebody who is gay. You may not know that you know ... Someday, we'll have a society where the response to the news that somebody is lesbian or gay will be 'so what' ." Someday, but not today. Seventy percent of Canadians believe homosexuality is wrong. Many institutions, officially or unofficially, still condone homophobia. The corporate world has maintained a "striking silence" on the issue of spousal rights and benefits for same-sex couples. At the University of Toronto, not one course is offered focusing exclusively on gay issues. These were the initial observations of David Rayside, the second speaker of the evening. He then pointed out that in Ontario, there has been some improvement in the overall situation since December of 1986, when the Provincial Legislature approved an amendment adding sexual orientation to the Ontario Human Rights Code. In the recent US presidential election, homophobia was part of the Republican platform, but was for once seen as a tactical error. President-elect Clinton was the first major party candidate to be openly pro-gay rights. But rights are fragile, and many want them circumscribed. Rayside confided his private fear that gay people will be divided, in the public imagination, into "good" gays and "bad", with favour being shown those who do not flaunt their sexuality and are settled into stable relationships. When a physician in the audience expressed concerns about promiscuity and disease, a gay man responded that "promiscuity" is a judgmental term and AIDS is no longer an exclusively gay disease. Archbishop Scott suggested we re-examine what justifies intimacy, keeping in mind that the most destructive action of which we are capable is to treat a person as a thing. Since we are all made in God's image, we all have inherent human rights. Civil rights are merely those granted by the state, and "law and order" can be structured injustice. Institutions are at their best when they work for civil rights that reflect human rights. = = = = = ##Week 4 ** Our Stories, Your Story## The human side of the issue was the focus of the final programme, which featured speakers Mary Jones, Rob Traverse and Tony Gambini. Jones is the mother of four children, one of them a lesbian. When her daughter came out of the closet, Jones admits, she herself went in. Though her husband and other children could accept the situation, she went into shock and grieved for a year, going through the classic stages of denial, guilt and anger, before finally reaching acceptance. "It finally occurred to me that my daughter was the same person." Once she reached that conclusion, Jones began helping on the parents of lesbians and gays. Her name, address and phone number were listed in an article in a 1985 issue of Chatelaine. That same year, she walked in the Lesbian and Gay Pride Day parade. She has been involved with PFLAG for eight years, and leads the Toronto area chapter located in Brampton. She is a member of the Human Sexuality Advisory Committee for the Toronto Board of Education, and makes many public and media appearances with her husband Laurie. "This is really nothing," she concluded about her daughter's sexual orientation. "We make so much out of it because we can't get used to the fact that 10% of the population is gay. But one out of every four families has a gay member. And the 2.6 million gays in Canada have 5.2 million parents." Rob Traverse admitted to being less fortunate than Mary Jones' daughter. He was twelve or thirteen when he realised he was gay. He tried to hide the truth from himself and his family, and the resulting depression and self-hatred made him drop out of school in grade eleven. "The tremendous psychological energy required to hide takes away from the energy needed for living," he said, calling homophobia "a silent insidiousness." Today, Traverse has his Masters degree in psychology and will begin working next year on his PhD. He is the Sex Education Programme Co-ordinator for the Toronto Youth Services Programme. He related the high suicide rate of young gays and lesbians to their struggles with isolation, anxiety and low self-esteem. If people are constantly told they are perverts and sinners and child-molesters, he said, they will be more likely to go to their rooms and kill themselves than to come out to their parents. What is needed is compassion and critical thinking on the part of families, educators and institutions. When, as a child of twelve, Tony Gambini learned that his gay friend Paolo had been murdered by a neighbourhood gang, he too dropped out of school. Though he "never made it" to high school, he now has a BA, a Masters in Social Work, and is the Human Sexuality Counsellor for the Toronto Board of Education. Adolescence is particularly hard for gay and lesbian kids, he said, because their "who am I?" questions go unanswered. Instead of role models, they have myths and stereotypes, which they adopt and act out to their peril. Those who come out are in danger because homosexuals are the most disliked segment of the student population. Those who "stay in" become self-hating and self- destructive, frequently having secretive, anonymous sex with no precautions. The greater part of Gambini's work involves education students and teachers to the fact that gay and lesbian kids are there, they are people, and they have rights. In answering the many questions that followed, the panel of speakers emphasised the need for compassion, critical thinking and an end to negative attitudes and stereotypes. Churches in particular, it was stated, have the power to send out clear, positive statements about lesbians and gays. In his closing address, Archbishop Scott observed that in the past four weeks many of those present have talked for the first time in their lives to people they knew to be lesbian or gay, and have heard them speak openly and naturally about their lives. The challenge for the church, he said, is to take positive steps in dealing with the emotionally loaded issue, without inviting a negative backlash. Gays, lesbians and straights must search together, inviting tough questions, avoiding pat answers. There must be a new hungering and thirsting after righteousness. Though we are frequently in love-hate relationships with our institutions, change can occur at the level of the people, if each of us asks what God's purpose is in giving the gift of sexuality. How can we understand, accept and express that gift in ways that build up, instead of tearing down, diminishing, and terrifying? Let us make progress constructively, the Rector concurred in his closing remarks. Let us move with sensitivity, interacting with our tradition, in order to become a more compassionate Church that remains true to its integrity. = = = = = ##Hundreds attended## Over one hundred people attended each programme in the Opening the Doors to Understanding series. Their response to the series evaluation was extremely positive, with requests for more lectures and sermons on the issue, and more opportunity for direct contact with the gay community. Three written comments in particular sum up the aims and achievements of the series: "We fail ourselves individually and collectively if we do not welcome all groups into our midst, the way Christ did." "I am a homosexual male. After these meetings I feel one hundred percent better about myself and my life." "I am a straight man, now more tolerant than before. I am glad to be so." ======== [93-2-3] JIM FERRY'S STORY NOW BETWEEN HARD COVERS by the Rev Norm Rickaby "IT'S A SOCIAL COMMENTARY disguised as an autobiography," says the Rev Jim Ferry about his book, *In the Courts of the Lord*, which will soon be published. The book is expected to be launched at a special gala event in mid-March in Toronto. People who contributed to the Jim Ferry Defence Fund will be invited to be there. Jim is the Anglican priest who was fired by Bishop Terence Finlay of Toronto in July 1991. The Bishop subsequently "outed" Jim to his parish. He told them that Jim was in relationship with another man in a letter read publicly to the congregation on the Sunday after his removal. A few weeks later, the Diocese issued a press release which was picked up by media around the world. Ferry filed a lawsuit in which he charged that the Bishop had fired him without following the provisions for such a removal laid down in the Canons of the Diocese. When a Bishop's Court was called by Bishop Finlay in February 1992, the lawsuit was withdrawn. The Bishop's Court was widely covered by both print and electronic media. It heard testimony regarding homosexuality in the church and the priesthood, the problem of obedience to Bishops and what may be reasonably demanded of a cleric. The verdict of the Court permitted the Bishop to maintain the *status quo*: Ferry is still not employed by the church, still without license and, therefore, still unable to function as a priest. Jim's book, however, tells much more about his life than just the trauma of the last couple of years. He tells his own story, his own faith journey, and how he came to the summer of 1991. Jim deals, he says, with "coming out, spirituality, prejudice -- coming to terms with yourself, God and the church." *In the Courts of the Lord* will reveal a deeply spiritual man who has been through a deeply painful experience. Readers, both in and out of the church, will meet someone who has known the love and strength of the Spirit of God in the midst of this difficult two years of his life. Certainly those of us who know him have been both impressed by his faith and encouraged by his example. In mid-March, Key Porter Books will publish *In the Courts of the Lord*. Ask your local book store to be sure to order and stock copies of it so that you and your friends can buy and read it for yourselves. ======== [93-2-4] CONVERSATION WITH GOD in the subway, 24 June 1992 7:30 am by Alice Forster I AM READING *The Easter Moment* by John Spong. The second paragraph on p 28 spoke to me. God has created us in his own image. The Bible adds "male and female he created us". However, there is no adjective in this sentence. It does not say we are created straight male and straight female. For this reason I don't feel that this piece of scripture can be used against the gay/lesbian community. If we are all created by God in his image, and we get our uniqueness from God by his creation, then we must conclude that God is as each of us is, male, female, short, tall, dark, fair, gay, straight. We know HOW life is created but not all the WHYs -- God is the ultimate determinator of what we are. As we are like God, created by him, then anytime we reject any person because of lack of understanding or discrimination, we reject ourselves and (more importantly) we reject God. ======== [93-2-5] ASH WEDNESDAY MEDITATION delivered by DOUG FOX at Integrity/Toronto's Ash Wednesday Eucharist 1992 ROBERT BURNS ONCE WROTE the following famous lines: O wad some Pow'r the giftie gie us To see oursels as other see us! It wad frae monie a blunder free us An' foolish notion: What airs in dress an' gait wad lea'e us, And ev'n Devotion! The notion for the poem came to Burns in church, where during one of those moments of distraction that some of us have, he notices a louse crawling on the bonnet of a devout lady who was otherwise somewhat ostentatiously dressed. There is spiritual value in "seeing ourselves as others see us". This is an exercise that the Church has been engaged in quite seriously, especially since its decline in institutional power and prestige in this century. I can illustrate that from our own recent experience; the expert witnesses that testified in Bishop Finlay's court, people such as Jim Reed, Cyril Powles, and of course Bishop Spong, were not available just by some fortuitous occurrence. They, and we here, are part of a powerful critical movement within the Church, a loyal opposition whose ministry it is to help our community of faith to see ourselves as other see us. The Church's higher institutional levels have a tendency to solidify into negativism and reaction, into preserving comfort and power, unless there is a strong initiative and commitment coming from somewhere. Part of our ministry, then, as critics, is to remind the officers of the institutional church of how "others" -- the secular world, and especially the people on the margins -- see us. By doing this we offer our office-holders the opportunity to lead in a courageous and humane fashion; sometimes we offer that whether it is initially welcome, or not. But the role of critic has its spiritual dangers. The Christian progressive's seat can also become quite a well-padded pew; instead of speaking the truth in love, we can end up simply being combative and defending our own turf. The way to alleviate that, it seems to me, is symbolised in what we do today. Critics often remind the community, religious and wider, of the frailty by which we are surrounded. Every member of the web of life is frail, and returns to the dust. The web itself is frail, as we are discovering to our cost in many places from the dust of drought-plagued Africa to the poisoned waters of the Siberian Arctic. And every human being, from those we notice least to those we hold in the highest regard, is both frail and fallible. Today is a day for reminding ourselves that we are part of that picture, for remembering in humility to see ourselves as others see us. In that remembrance, we also know ourselves as God's children, for God is one of those others who see us, the most intimate and loving of all. Today let us take a brief time to meditate on that, and to open ourselves to her healing and redemptive embrace. ======== End of volume 93-2 of Integrator, the newsletter of Integrity/Toronto copyright 1993 Integrity/Toronto comments please to Chris Ambidge, Editor chris.ambidge@utoronto.ca OR Integrity/Toronto Box 873 Stn F Toronto ON Canada M4Y 2N9