Date: Fri, 19 Jun 1998 14:44:10 -0400 From: Chris Ambidge Subject: *Integrator* files for 1992 INTEGRATOR, the newsletter of Integrity/Toronto volume 92-6, issue date 1992 09 02 copyright 1992 Integrity/Toronto. The hard-copy version of this newsletter carries the ISSN 0843-574X Integrity/Toronto Box 873 Stn F Toronto ON Canada M4Y 2N9 == contents == [92-6-1] TWO GAY DISCIPLES SHARING THEIR EXPERIENCES / by Norm Rickaby [92-6-2] A MOTHER TALKS TO GENERAL SYNOD / The text of Winifred's address to the Sexual Orientation Forum [92-6-3] LIFE AND BEHAVIOUR OF A GAY MAN IN THE CHURCH / by John Russell [92-6-4] POSTCARDS FROM THE MARGINS / by Bonnie Crawford-Bewley, who works for a company that has NO health benefits. [92-6-4] AMNESTY INCLUDES HOMOSEXUALS [92-6-5] MORE GOOD NEWS! BC adds sexual orientation to its Human Rights code [92-6-6] CORRECTIONS TO THE LAST ISSUE .... [92-6-7] MEMBER'S RESPONSE AT THE SEXUAL ORIENTATION FORUM / The words of Todd Maffin, General Synod member from New Westminster [92-6-8] FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE [92-6-9] AIDS Awareness Sunday ======== [92-6-1] TWO GAY DISCIPLES SHARING THEIR EXPERIENCES by Norm Rickaby [The Vancouver chapters of Dignity and Integrity jointly hosted a conference in Vancouver on the weekend of July 31 - August 1. The theme was "Christ has no body now but ours". The keynote speaker was Bishop John Spong of Newark. Integrity/Toronto Co-Conveners Norm Rickaby and John Gartshore were among the participants. Norm has written this report on one of the sessions.] THE SUNDAY MORNING CONFERENCE SESSION was entitled, "Lovers in a Dangerous Time" and focused on discipleship. During the morning the Rev Jim Ferry and the Rev Tim Stevenson shared both the pains and the joys which are present in the experience of being faithful disciples. Regular readers of *Integrator *will be familiar with the name of Jim Ferry who has called himself on occasion, "the most out of the closet gay in the country." His story has been that of a faithful Christian refusing to accept the traditional church position that he ought to be ashamed of who he is or whom he loves. In 1988 the United Church of Canada affirmed the full membership in Christ of believing lesbians and gays. It declared at the same time that lesgays had equal claim to entry into the processes leading toward ordination. However, despite the church's reaffirmation of those principles in 1990, there had been no ordination of an openly lesbian or gay in the United Church until this past spring. Tim Stevenson, both gay and in a relationship, was ordained by the British Columbia Conference of the United Church on May 24, 1992. Our conference session proceeded with each of these men telling his own story. Jim Ferry shared some of the story of his life in the church and his Spirit-led journey into awareness of being gay and coming to full acceptance of that reality. Then he spoke in more detail of the events of this past year. Despite the terrible things that have been done to Jim by the institution of the church and some of the people in it, he has had blessings too, confirming God's loving hand on his life. In the caring words and deeds of many people (many of whom he had not known before last year) and in the quiet dignified strength that God has given him, Jim has proved the truth of God's ability to take a bad and unjust situation and produce some good in a variety of ways. Jim shared some of the good things that have come to pass as he simply tried to be faithful to God's leading in his life. Many hundreds of people -- both in the church and outside it -- have seen Jim's faith, his quiet dignity and his absolute confidence that God created him and loves him. These people have been powerfully changed by what they have seen. There are people who have never (knowingly) met or been acquainted with a lesbian or gay who now feel they know Jim and their stereotypes have been shattered. In the Diocese of Toronto, a number of parishes are now preparing to deal with the issue of homosexuals in the Church in study sessions. General Synod this year did some good work towards study in the light of the homosexual reality. One hopes that these things might have been happening anyway, but the fact of the matter is that Jim's courage and his decision to take a stand is generally mentioned to as part of the reason that these things are going forward. Tim Stevenson, too, has been an example of one who would not deny or cloak the reality of who he is. Tim's story began about ten years ago, when he began the process towards ordination, entering seminary as an openly gay man. He continued his studies in a variety of areas -- including Creation Spirituality as well as Process, Contextual, Liberation, Feminist and Ecological theologies. He has served the church in a variety of capacities as a lay person. He was chair of the B.C. Conference's Division of Global concerns and travelled widely in this role. A year ago he represented the United Church in South Africa at the ANC Conference when Nelson Mandela was elected President. This past year, Tim has been moving towards the moment of actually being ordained. He has been consistently "out" about who he is and about the man who shares his life. It was *not possible* for Tim (had he wanted) to consider approaching the process without talking about it. It was not even possible for the authorities in the church to pretend that they didn't know. Prior to his ordination, Tim travelled to Manitoba, where one of the United Church Conferences was prepared to offer him "settlement" (placement) in a congregation. He went through several congregational interviews which included speaking openly about who he is and about the importance of his partner in his life. As it turns out, none of these churches was prepared to offer him a place, but the ordination went forward anyway. While there are already churches where homosexual clergy are serving and where the people know about it (having found out AFTER the person was there and known to them), Tim is confident that eventually there will be a congregation which is prepared to break ground and be the first to call an openly gay minister to serve. Both Tim and Jim know that following one's sense of self- affirmation and integrity to buck old traditions and institutionalised oppression is never easy. It has been a difficult and painful journey for all who have tried to do it. Most of us would never enter into such a journey voluntarily if all we could see were the problems. However, as both men testified in Vancouver, there are also blessings and joys which come from moving out into the light. People in the lesbian and gay communities already know well that EVERY TIME someone comes out of the closet it pushes back one more barrier holding back others. Telling our stories similarly expands boundaries and makes it easier for people to hear and to see that there are more similarities between straights and gays than differences. In the Christian tradition, as we have learned well from both Tim Stevenson and Jim Ferry, this is *discipleship*. Christ calls us to follow, but the calling is not BACK to some imagined comfortable place in the "good old days". Rather Christ calls the church to move forward into places where we have never been before - places of liberty and justice and inclusion for all of God's creation. Because of the discipleship of these two men along with other women and men of faith "The church," as Jim Ferry has said, "will never again be quite the same as it was." ======== [92-6-2] A MOTHER TALKS TO GENERAL SYNOD The text of Winifred's address to the Sexual Orientation Forum [WINIFRED was introduced to Synod by the Primate with these words: "Winifred has been married for forty-seven years and has four children and seven grandchildren. She lives in southern Ontario, and has been active in Amnesty International and in mission and outreach programs in the Anglican Church. She is currently a member of her Parish Council, and works as the volunteer co-ordinator of the local hospice. She has asked that her full name not be used for reasons which she will explain to the Synod] MY NAME IS WINIFRED. I am the mother of a lesbian daughter. I choose to be here just using my Christian name, and I leave it to my daughter to decide to whom and where it is safe for her to share her sexual orientation. There are a number of reasons for this: a very practical one is that there is still a very strong probability of discrimination in the work place. We have four children: three sons and one daughter. My daughter has been a single parent with two children, and about eight years ago she came and shared with my husband and I that she is gay; she is lesbian, and had moved into a committed relationship with another woman. We talked a lot, both then and as the days went by, and I know that very early on I said to her, "Well, as a Christian, obviously celibacy is the only moral choice." But my daughter is a committed Christian and celibacy is not her choice. This left me with a very strong question that I had to face up to. And so I decided... I began to think what do I know about homosexuality, and I had to admit to myself that I knew precious little, so I decided to start to study and to learn and to ask questions. I learnt very soon that in order to look at scripture references, both Old and New Testament, one has to have a fairly high knowledge of the culture of the time when it's written, of the social mores, of the very little understanding of homosexuality as an orientation by the writers. I found that theologians do not speak with one voice. I found that psychologists, who up until some time ago saw homosexuality as a psychological disorder, have now changed their opinion on that, and accept it as within normal limits. I also found that science right up to today is making very new discoveries; new facts are coming to light about homosexuality, about genetics, about brain sex, and so on. And still my question, then, remained with me, although I was a great deal less sure in my response that celibacy is the only answer, which had come from my traditional Christian upbringing. I remember that Jesus said, "By their fruits ye shall know them." And so I thought, I shall start to look at fruits. I will look at my daughter's life, and her family, and I will observe what I see. Do I see good fruits there? And I saw fruits, good fruits. I saw peace. I saw joy. I saw compassion. I saw commitment, honesty, a deepening faith, and a great deal of courage. I looked at the family unit, and I saw a healthy family. I saw my grandchildren being nurtured and cared for. My husband and I went a number of times, and still do go sometimes when we're in Toronto to the Metropolitan Community Church, which is the church for a special ministry to gay people. That's a caring Christian community, fellow-Christians. Many of them are bruised and grieving and hurting. But they are very, very caring of each other, very welcoming to us, the stranger. And there is a level of joyful worship there which is very very special. And so, as I observe these fruits in my daughter's life, in her family and in the gay Christian community, I came to see and to accept my daughter totally as she is. I came to know and to love and to appreciate her partner, and to be able to say to my daughter, "I am proud to be your mother!" I have come in all sincerity to believe that same-sex unions which are committed and loving and responsible are acceptable in God's sight, and are indeed blessed by God. As far as our family, my husband and I have walked this journey together; it has not been an easy journey. We have been immeasurably helped by our own family and by our extended family which has been both accepting and supportive. It has been a journey; it has been a growth process, and like all growth processes, there has been both pain and joy. But we know that God has been with us on our journey. We know that he is leading and will continue to lead us into truth. And we have discovered in real experience that all things do work together for good. As far as the church, as far as being a member of the Anglican community, I would like to say a very, very special thank you to four parish priests, who have been with us on our journey at various stages, who have found the grace and the compassion to be there for us and to help us. I have to honestly say, though, that except for a few very wonderful exceptions, this has not been the picture with the laity. When my husband and I have tried to share our story, or perhaps to raise the question of sexual orientation in small discussion groups, on the whole we have met embarrassment, we have met sympathy, just for us: the sort of "Oh dear, how terrible for you" approach, which is not helpful. We have met argument. I have noticed a very pronounced level of lack of understanding, and perhaps stereotypical thinking. I have been angry and hurt by the tone of many letters in the media from Christians, in the Anglican Journal and the Anglican Magazine, particularly, which come across to me as unloving and judgmental and hurtful. It isn't easy to be objective when it's your daughter and her partner who are being condemned. I remember one occasion when my teenaged granddaughter came to me and said, "Grandma, do you believe in hell?" As I gently tried to explore where she was coming from, I discovered that she was aware that one Christian denomination teaches that, unless her mother changed her lifestyle, she would be damned and go to hell. What sort of twisted theology is that? That's not the God of love that I believe in. And us dear Anglicans, we tend to take the traditional via media, and we say, "Oh, of course we accept you, and we love you unconditionally, but..." I have occasionally, perhaps more than occasionally, wondered what I'm doing, still within the Christian church, although I have been a part of the Christian church ever since my childhood. But occasionally I wonder, "What am I doing here?" And then I know: No, I must stay. I must speak the truth as I see it and as God has shown it to me. I must tell my story. And that's why I'm here, to tell my story to you. I believe very, very strongly that the time has come that us Anglicans need to talk about sexual orientation and the church: not just the bishops, but us ordinary people in the parishes. I think we need to find the courage and compassion to talk, to pray, to listen. It won't be easy. It will take time. There will be pain, but there will also be joy. And we do not need to be fearful because God is with us. But I would finish by saying that the very most important thing that we can do -- that we can choose to do -- is to meet with our gay Christian brothers and sisters, to listen to their stories, to talk with them, to break bread with them, to share the Eucharist together. And I hope and I pray that this process is starting now. Thank you. ======== [92-6-3] LIFE AND BEHAVIOUR OF A GAY MAN IN THE CHURCH by John Russell [This article is reprinted by permission from the latest issue of *Spearhead*, the newsletter of St Thomas' Church, Huron Street, Toronto] IN READING THE DEBATE in the last issue of Spearhead about the place of homosexuals in the church, I feel a little like one of the anonymous objects of speculation in another famous theological discussion. How amused and frustrated those angels must have been, tango-ing away on the head of that pin, listening to people's mad conjecture. Like them, I've been talked about quite a lot; there has been much speculation as to my true nature and my place. The difference is, I can't imagine THAT medieval controversy materially touched those angel's lives: this one had profound effect on mine. And since I'm no angel, it's time for me to join the fray. As a proudly gay man, and a member of St Thomas's choir, I found Diana Verseghy's letter very disturbing, for a number of reasons. I won't bother reiterating the arguments Willem [Hart, editor of *Spearhead* ] made regarding her use of biblical authority; obviously, his notion of God's approach to mankind is rather closer to my own than is Ms Verseghy's. Let me pass over the condescension in her offer of "our compassion, our prayers and our active assistance." I'll restrain myself from commenting on her equating me with "torturers, drug dealers, rapists and hitmen," or with her calling the way in which I love "an illness," comparable to "Down's syndrome and other genetic disorders." I want to talk instead about the assumptions she seems to make about me and people like me, and how those assumptions cash out in my life. She speaks often of homosexual "activity" or "behaviour." I don't know what she means by these terms. But let me tell you, as a homosexual, how I "behave". My weeks follow a pretty standard pattern. I work full-time as the training co-ordinator at the AIDS Committee of Toronto (ACT). Monday night I volunteer at ACT as a facilitator of a support group; committee meetings and training sessions keep me at ACT at least one other night a week. Thursday is choir practice at St Thomas's, and Sunday morning I sing at the 9:30 and 11:00 o'clock services. I'm also on the Board of the Teresa Group, a (chiefly) Anglican charity that provides support to families affected by HIV/AIDS. In what time is left, I try to read, go to the gym, see some films, visit friends, and spend time with the man I love. We have known each other for three years, and are currently looking for an apartment, to start what we hope will be our lives together. This is my "homosexual behaviour". Not a life beyond reproach, but not one I'm ashamed of either. And one, I'm sure, very much like thousands of other people's, gay and straight. What part of this behaviour does Ms Verseghy find so objectionable? What "ways" would she "convert me from"? What I have chosen to do for a living and as volunteer work are, indeed, behaviours. I have complete control over these activities, and am free to pursue them or not. But I cannot imagine that it is to these things which Ms Verseghy takes such exception. What is not a "behaviour" is the only way in which I am capable of expressing God's greatest gift -- love. My stronger attraction, emotionally, spiritually, and physically is to men. That part is a fact: not a choice on my part. I would guess that Ms Verseghy, and Bishop Finlay, would reply that as a gay man, I do have a choice to make, between two options -- the two Finlay presented to Jim Ferry: I may love platonically, or not at all. Unlike these two, I believe that God is Love. I cannot imagine that He is calling 10 per cent of His human creation, (Kinsey's estimate of the number of gays and lesbians), to a live of celibacy ... especially when He has made loving, sexual intimacy such a joy and pleasure -- the one experience in which two people can truly lose themselves in one another. And in losing themselves achieve, however briefly, communion. And in achieving communion glimpse, however dimly, the Love that is God. Ms Verseghy and Bp Finlay would deny me this magnificent gift, and dismiss that denial lightly, saying as she does, "we all have our crosses to bear". Easy, my dear woman, for you to say. I will not bear a life without it. And in making that statement I become one of those "unconvertible" sinners, toward whom Ms Verseghy's duty is plain: "If all else fails, we are even to expel them from the church." Let us be clear about this. Because I have sex with another man I am to be denied the fellowship, support and community, so important to my life, which I find at St Thomas's. This single aspect of my being is so hideous, so abominable, that it makes me unfit for membership in an Anglican congregation. Does it? Letters like Ms Verseghy's, actions like Terence Finlay's, tell me the answer is yes. Other parishioners and staff at St Thomas's, Bishop Spong and other clergy like him, continue to welcome and respect me. And frankly, I can hardly bring my self to believe that anyone who has read the Gospels could deem my sexuality grounds for expulsion. But, stranger things... So, I need to have this question answered by our Church. That's why I'm helping Jim Ferry to bring this debate into the light. and that's why I'm writing this letter -- so that when we pursue this discussion at St Thomas's, the deliberation won't be about some distant and abstract group called "homosexuals", but about me. So that when people call for expulsion, they must picture me out there on the porch as they bar the door. ======== [92-6-4] POSTCARDS FROM THE MARGINS An ongoing series of snapshots of the lives of lesgay people, in the Church and in Society. This postcard is from BONNIE CRAWFORD-BEWLEY, who works for a company that has NO health benefits. MY PARTNER MICHELLE works for an organisation that has health insurance for not only its employees, but also for it's employee's children and spouses, both married and common-law. This coverage however does not extend to lesgay couples. We have been trying to get them to change this exclusionary policy. This has been a long, painful and (so far) totally unsuccessful endeavour. When Michelle went to the human resources department they informed her that there had been previous enquiries about same sex benefits and that their insurance company had said that it would not cover them. When Michelle pointed out that that meant she was being effectively paid less than a heterosexual in her position, she was told in no uncertain terms that it was not a pay equity issue. She was also told that the legislation does not support our assertion that we are a family, and that she could not pursue it further as THE MATTER WAS CLOSED. Conservatively speaking, we spend over $300 a year for medication that I must take daily. The bill is more if I have the misfortune of actually getting sick. Then there are the things we simply can not afford to do, such as sending me to the dentist or getting me the very expensive orthopaedic inserts I desperately need for my shoes. If either Michelle or I was male, all of this would be covered no questions asked. That sounds like a pay equity issue to me. The thing that has hurt me the most was hearing that people who have met me when faced with this issue did not ask "Is this policy right or fair?" but instead asked "If we change the policy will it put our insurance premiums up?" The only answer to that is that to cover same-sex spouses will put their premiums up much less than covering all their spouses and children has raised Michelle's premiums. It is very depressing to know that, in the final analysis, what matters is not what is right, but rather what is the least- expensive option that legislation will allow them to take, while preserving their heterosexual privilege. The question is now in the hands of upper management and, to be fair, they seem to be taking a more open view than did the people in the previous stages that we have gone through. All we can do now is hope and pray that they are people who will not tolerate the injustice of the current situation. ======== [92-6-4] AMNESTY INCLUDES HOMOSEXUALS AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL, the world-wide human rights organisation, recently amended its mandate. It campaigns against human rights violations, particularly for prisoners of conscience: people imprisoned and/or persecuted for their political views, or their race, sex, religion or ethnic origin. Amnesty has now added men and women who are imprisoned for their sexual orientation to the "prisoners of conscience" category. Amnesty's International Council, meeting in Yokohama late last year, committed the organisation to opposing the widespread persecution of homosexual men and women. This decision was made by a consensus of the Council, and not a single dissenting vote was cast. Amnesty has long acknowledged that the persons for their sexual orientation is a violation of their fundamental rights, but it was only at the 1991 meeting that Amnesty officially took the decision to consider for adoption prisoners of conscience those who are imprisoned solely because of their sexual orientation, including the practice of sexual acts in private between consenting adults. Such acts are still punishable by law in many countries, including those of the former Soviet Union. ======== [92-6-5] MORE GOOD NEWS! THE PROVINCE OF BRITISH COLUMBIA recently amended its Human Rights Act to prohibit discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. On July 13, BC joined Quebec, Ontario, Manitoba, the Yukon, Nova Scotia, and New Brunswick as places with civil rights for lesbians and gays. There are now only four provinces, the NWT, and the federal government to amend their human rights legislation. The federal government is still dragging its feet: promises were made in early 1986 (yes, over six years ago) to amend the *Canadian Human Rights Act*. Kim Campbell is the third Justice Minister to be "studying the matter". She should get the lead out. ======== [92-6-6] CORRECTIONS TO THE LAST ISSUE .... o Diane Bollis and Genevieve Carder had their names mis- spelled. o homosexual men were placed in concentration (not extermination) camps under the Nazis. The pink triangles they wore were identification within the camps. Jews wore yellow stars, but had also had to wear them outside the camps, before they were imprisoned. ======== [92-6-7] MEMBER'S RESPONSE AT THE SEXUAL ORIENTATION FORUM The words of TODD MAFFIN, General Synod member from New Westminster "FOR YOU AND FOR MANY" is the theme underlying our deliberations here over these two weeks in Toronto. Indeed, we have taken concrete steps towards applying that challenge. We finally recognised the indigenous right to self- government; we've been willing to admit mistakes, work towards revitalising our structure. We've committed ourselves to reflect the multi-cultural nature of the society around us. So why can't our congregations reflect the sexuality of our society as well? It's selective, and it's wrong. Let's be clear: the presence of homosexuality in our Church is not a new presence; it's a new issue. That distinction is important. I stand before you as a proud member of the Church. I am a young member, and by extension, I form part of your future. I believe it is the future to which we need to cast our eyes this evening. I look forward to a future where people are judged on merit, not on sexual orientation, and I pray for a future in which the Church no longer places prerequisites on being part of the Body of Christ. ======== [92-6-8] FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE From All Walks Of Life -- Toronto's walk for AIDS -- is a 10 km pledge walk through downtown Toronto raising money for AIDS care, education and research. It will be on Sunday 18 October 1992, starting from Nathan Phillips Square. From All Walks Of Life is Canada's largest AIDS fund-raising event with proceeds going to 28 HIV/AIDS related organisations throughout metropolitan Toronto (three of them -- Downtown Churchworkers' Association, the Teresa Group and Trinity Hospice Toronto -- are associated with the Anglican Church). From street-level intervention to hospital clinics to cultural community outreach services, funds raised will reach every corner of the AIDS community. OUR CHURCH HAS AIDS ... you've seen the posters and begun the dialogue. This is an opportunity to get involved. Integrity is organising a team for this year's walk. The Toronto Anglican Diocese is also organising a team, and preparations have been made for all sorts and conditions of Anglicans to meet at the Peace Garden in Nathan Phillips Square at 12:30pm. Integrity will be walking in support of the Downtown Churchworkers' Association AIDS Programme (associated with the Toronto Diocesan AIDS Committee). Please show the Diocese that Integrity will be there too! The Integrity banners will be there; bring posters, signs, and wear T- shirts (or sweatshirts) promoting Integrity. Ours is the community hardest hit, we have been there from the beginning and will continue to support our brothers and sisters. To register for the Integrity team, call 921 0836. ======== [92-6-9] AIDS Awareness Sunday AIDS AWARENESS SUNDAY is 4 October. On that day, please pray for people living with AIDS, both the infected and the affected; and for those who have died. Please pray yourself, and make sure that these people are remembered in the Sunday morning prayers at your parish church. Clergy will all be receiving the AIDS resource and liturgy kit *Knowing Who We Are* in the September mailing from Church House. It was produced by the National Church AIDS Working Group. Additional copies of the kit and an AIDS poster (OUR CHURCH HAS AIDS -- *we need to talk* ), are available from the Resource Centre at Church House, 600 Jarvis St Toronto ON M4Y 2J6, (416) 924 9192. ======== End of volume 92-6 of Integrator, the newsletter of Integrity/Toronto copyright 1992 Integrity/Toronto comments please to Chris Ambidge, Editor chris.ambidge@utoronto.ca OR Integrity/Toronto Box 873 Stn F Toronto ON Canada M4Y 2N9