Date: Fri, 12 Jun 1998 18:56:33 -0400 From: Chris Ambidge Subject: *Integrator* files for 1989 INTEGRATOR, the newsletter of Integrity/Toronto volume 89-9, issue date 1989 11 08 copyright 1989 Integrity/Toronto. The hard-copy version of this newsletter carries the ISSN 0843-574X Integrity/Toronto Box 873 Stn F Toronto ON Canada M4Y 2N9 == contents == [89-9-1] THE COURT OF THE GENTILES: looking in from the outside by Chris Ambidge [89-9-2] GIRAFFES ABOUT TOWN [89-9-3] THE PAIN GOES ON [89-9-4] IN SEARCH OF AN ANGLICAN BLESSING [89-9-5] SERMON PREACHED AT THE THANKSGIVING EUCHARIST FOR THE BLESSING OF COMMITMENT OF CAMERON AND SANDY / by the Rev Rod McAvoy [89-9-6] IN SEARCH OF AN ANGLICAN BLESSING / by Michael McAteer / Religion Editor [reprinted from the Toronto Star 1989 11 04, pg M21] ======== [89-9-1] THE COURT OF THE GENTILES: LOOKING IN FROM THE OUTSIDE by Chris Ambidge Recently I found myself in a church with a "crying room" off to one side. My companion found this upsetting. When I asked her why, she said "because it implies that babies and their mothers aren't really part of the Body of Christ". I had thought that the room was a good idea, since at least this way they weren't exiled completely from the congregation -- but the service was about to begin, so we couldn't debate the issue any further. Halfway through the first hymn, I knew I had to leave. They were using incense, and I have asthma. If I was to continue breathing, I had to place my lungs out of range of the thurible -- so I headed for the crying room. Spending time in there was an educational experience. I *didn't* feel part of the congregation in there. The glass was invisible to me, but it made me invisible to the rest of the people. It was like being outside a fishbowl - or watching the proceedings on television. Normally I love singing hymns, but not in there. Even the quiet little mumblings I did utter made me feel silly, as if I was arguing with the radio announcer, or standing up in my living room for the national anthem at the beginning of a hockey game on TV. At one point in the service, the congregation was asked to make promises. I did, but I got the impression that what I said didn't really count. I wasn't one of the people. I emerged from the crying room feeling differently about how the church includes, or doesn't include, various groups. The temple in Jerusalem had various different courts, and the ones you were allowed into depended on who you were. Women were allowed no further than the Court of the Women, and non-Jews only made it as far as the Court of the Gentiles. That crying room felt like a Court of the Gentiles. I got the message "you're allowed to come this far and watch, but you may not come further". That is exclusive, not inclusive. All God's children are loved, not just those with healthy lungs. My asthma is an invisible disability. It is easier to deal with visible disabilities. Though the situation is far from perfect, people who use wheelchairs are being included more, as the increasing number of ramps shows. One cannot pretend that someone in a wheelchair could make it up the chancel steps, but many people say to me "it's not very often, or for long, you could manage, couldn't you?" The answer is no. I love my church, and what goes on in that community, but I cannot stop breathing in order to participate in liturgies. My homosexuality, though anything but a disability, is also invisible. In many ways, that puts me in another crying room. The social pressure is for me to appear to be straight: if I do, I can sit in church. If I want to be out, the church doesn't want to see me, and I must sit in the crying room. The official pressure is worse. Were I to have someone who I wanted to make my spouse, to share my life in love, the church would not bless it; indeed they would say it was wrong. My lover and I would be welcomed individually (every choir needs another tenor), but there would be no recognition, or support, of us as a couple. Back out into the Court of the Gentiles. Were I ordained, the situation would be worse still: then I could not be open about my love for another, on peril not only of my acceptance by my church family, but also on peril of my livelihood. God has made me, as everyone else, with the capacity to love and the need to be loved. Those are both very real and positive forces in my life. I could pretend that I am straight in order to be accepted by my church, and in the short run that might be easier; but if I stop breathing for long, I'll turn blue. I have been advised to stay closeted "just at church, just on Sunday mornings". The answer is no. I love my church, and what goes on in that community, but I cannot stop being gay, any more than I can stop breathing, in order to participate in liturgies. In a way, a crying room is an improvement: one can actually see the service. It is not a good solution, though; it is a crummy solution. Those inside do not feel part of the Body of Christ, and I can well understand a mother of young children leaving, saying "nuts to this, I'm not really part of the community when I'm behind the glass". Likewise, our church's attitude towards gay/lesbian people is an improvement: we're now acknowledged to be children of God, and we're not being burned at the stake any more. It is not a good solution, though, it is a crummy solution. We are not allowed to be full human beings, to bring our full lives and loves into the community of the faithful. Too many lesbian/gay people have said "nuts to this", and left the mainline churches. It isn't easy to see this from inside the fishbowl. I thought crying rooms were wonderful ideas until I was confined to one. Those with good lungs don't always realise how exclusive incense can be; and those who fit the heterosexual norm may not realise how cruel they are being when they insist that their way or celibacy are the only acceptable styles of life. Jesus died for everyone. The church should be inclusive, with no-one as outcast. That includes babies, asthmatics, gays, lesbians, people of colour, those in wheelchairs, women, men - we are all children of the one God. It is my belief that God has not made a Court of the Gentiles in heaven; I just wish that humans had not made any here on earth. ======== [89-9-2] GIRAFFES ABOUT TOWN Giraffes seen once a year remain strange, exotic creatures. Giraffes seen every week become part of the background. *We are all giraffes* o A number of Integrity/Toronto members attended the AIDS Awareness Week Candle Light Vigil held in Cawthra Park on Oct 19th. In spite of heavy rain and cold temperatures, hundreds of people showed up for this outdoor service. They were not disappointed. Many people spoke briefly about how AIDS had affected their lives, including a person with AIDS, a surviving lover, a surviving parent, and people who work with PLWAs (People Living With AIDS). There was also music by Sylvia Dunstan and by the MCC Christos Choir. I grant you that between the wind and the rain it was quite a task to keep your candle lit but even with that it was one of the most powerful and moving services I have ever attended. o October 22 was AIDS Awareness Sunday in the Anglican Diocese of Toronto. Some parishes remained unaware of this but many did not. In a lot of parishes the Bishop's pastoral letter was either read or distributed. A number of Integrity/Toronto members took rainbow ribbons to their home parishes. In all these cases the ribbons were well received and many more could have been given out. The reports we have heard from all across the diocese said that the day has done what it was intended to do. It has given people affected or infected by AIDS a safe space to share their grief. It broke the silence that has surrounded AIDS and started a lot of people thinking about AIDS who otherwise probable would not have. o On All Saints Day, Integrity/Toronto was fortunate enough to have Bishop Joe Fricker as our celebrant. Bishop Fricker was the first person to celebrate wearing Integrity/ Toronto's new rainbow stole. We now have a matching set of rainbow frontal, stole and banner. [*Thank you Bonnie for your superhuman efforts in making all three*]. We are truly Anglican in being tasteful and co-ordinated. Speaking of being Anglican, there was of course a reception for Bishop Fricker after the service, where we got a chance to chat over a glass of sherry. ======== [89-9-3] THE PAIN GOES ON [The following is testimony given before the (US) Episcopal Church's Standing Commission on Human Affairs at Grace Cathedral, San Francisco on 3 July 1989. It is reprinted from the August 1989 issue of *Outlook*, the newsletter of Integrity/New York. The priest's name, and that of her diocese, has been omitted at her request.] I would like to describe for you the pain that the Church, our Church has caused my brothers and sisters. As a representative of the Church, I am ashamed, and as priest, I feel the pain. I share the pain when I must counsel people who have been referred to me because they are gay. I share the pain when gay Christian couples in committed long-term relationships, including myself, are refused the Church's blessing. I share the pain when people ask how I got through the ordination process, and I say I got through because I wasn't out. To get through now, at least, you have to lie. I shared the pain this year when a former member of Integrity went back in the closet in order to get ordained and a job -- at what personal cost to his own integrity I can only guess. There is something wrong when the Church says you have to lie to be acceptable as a Christian. As I have grown in my personal spiritual journey as priest, I have come to value integrity and honesty as the bottom-line basic requirements for being in relationship with myself, with others, and with God. At the same time, I am part of a Church that says that lesbians and gay men must be silent in the Church if they want to be acceptable. Gay people are only "acceptable" when they lie. I am unacceptable in the diocese where I live because I have refused to live entirely in the closet and because I have named the pain as something the Church has caused. I do not have an altar other than Integrity, and I therefore do not have a congregation, other than Integrity, in which to church my children. The pain goes on. I will continue to minister to it and in spite of it. [Although this is the testimony of a woman in the Episcopal Church in the USA, would the story be much different if told north of the Great Lakes?] ======== [89-9-4] IN SEARCH OF AN ANGLICAN BLESSING Readers of the September *Integrator* will recognise the names of Integrity/Toronto members Sandy Tipper and Cameron Atkison. They went to Rochester NY this past August to receive a blessing on their commitment from the Rev Walt Lee Szymanski at Calvary-St Andrews Episcopal Church. That was only part of the story. Cameron and Sandy have been together for three years now, and have made a life-commitment to each other. They have wanted for some time to celebrate their love and their relationship in the context of their church family. This presents a problem in the Anglican Church of Canada. The 1978 statement by the House of Bishops forbids clergy to bless homosexual unions. The same statement goes on to say that "We are aware that some homosexuals develop for themselves relationships of mutual support, help and comfort, about which the Church must show an appropriate concern". Sandy and Cameron decided that they would explicitly request support from their church, rather than going to another denomination. In this they were letting church authorities know that they (and many others like them) need this ministry, support and "appropriate concern". They requested a blessing of their lives together from the Anglican Church in Canada, but were denied. To receive this they had to go out of the country. After Cameron and Sandy had returned, they wanted to celebrate this blessing with as many of their friends as possible (Rochester is a long way away). This celebration was to take the form of an Anglican Eucharist of Thanksgiving. Diocesan authorities denied permission for this eucharist to take place at any altar in Toronto diocese, including Sandy and Cameron's own parish. As a result of this prohibition, the Eucharist was held in the sanctuary of Metropolitan Community Church. Some sixty people, including eight or so Anglican priests, came to join the celebration. [The sermon that was preached at that service appears below] It is unclear what form the "appropriate concern" spoken of in the 1978 statement takes. Various committees at the National Church level are indeed actively studying the matter, which is all to the good. However, in terms of real, tangible support to real gay/lesbian couples, the Anglican Church of Canada is not very forthcoming. There are, indeed, those who would say that the church should not celebrate lesbian/gay partnerships. "You cannot celebrate what does not exist" was an argument used when denying permission for an Anglican venue for the Eucharist of Thanksgiving. This sounds rather like people of fundamentalist denominations saying "I don't believe in dancing". (Does this mean that the audience of the National Ballet suffers a group hallucination?). That dancing exists, and that gay/lesbian partnerships do exist is not open to question. Only ostriches could deny. Love and concern and, yes, blessing, is called for from the church for ALL the flock, not just heterosexuals. Cameron and Sandy have refused to sit at the back of the bus. It is to be hoped that others will do the same, and not abandon the bus that is the church altogether, because they have been maltreated on board. [As this issue of Integrator went to press, a full-page article on Cameron and Sandy appeared in the magazine section of the *Toronto Star.* See below, article 89-9-6] ======== [89-9-5] SERMON PREACHED AT THE THANKSGIVING EUCHARIST FOR THE BLESSING OF COMMITMENT OF CAMERON AND SANDY Metropolitan Community Church, Toronto - 13 October 1989 by the Rev Rod McAvoy Before I ask for God's blessing on my words, I would just like to say first of all, "Thank you for asking me to participate in this service." The Anglican Church was for me the environment in which my adult spiritual rebirthing began eleven years ago. Although I am no longer a part of the Anglican communion, it is a blessing for me to have this opportunity to minister in the church as an openly gay priest, and I thank you for that. ____________ Let us pray. O God, set your Holy Spirit upon my words that they may speak of you, and set your Holy Spirit upon the thoughts of our hearts that in those words and thoughts we may see your love for us and your will for us. All this we ask and claim in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen. ________ We are living in a wonderful and a terrible time; terrible in the old- fashioned sense of that word, that great things are afoot. I think that is reflected in this service because most of us are probably here with mixed emotions. We are here celebrating, but we are also here grieving as well. We are here celebrating the love of two men for each other, a love that is God-given, a love that is made possible because God has created us to love each other in various, different, wonderful ways. We are here to celebrate that, to share Sandy and Cameron's joy and to express our own joy in that. We are also here to express to them the joy which is felt in us when two people come together and experience a meeting of souls, a meeting of all that they are, and experience that love. We need to celebrate, and we need to be very positive about that and we need to thank God and we need to praise God for what has happened in these men's lives. But we need to be also realistic about some unfortunate things, not about the love itself but about the context in which the love has to be lived out. I think we need to be honest about the fact that this service is taking place in this building, and the fact that this service is being presided over by me. This is in some sense an indictment of the Christian church's inability and perhaps unwillingness to deal with homosexuality, with the love that two men or two women can experience for one another. And so we also grieve for what we do not yet have. We are here with mixed feelings: celebration and also a sense of loss; perhaps for some of us a sense of turmoil and for some a sense of anger. It is important in the midst of all that to remember that we are here taking part in a Christian worship service, and we are worshipping a God who somehow mysteriously brings life through pain. The central message of the Christian faith is the crucifixion and the resurrection. Somehow in the midst of this, our celebration and our grief can be brought together as one good and holy thing. Through the grief and through the struggle we know new life is given to us. I do not think that it would be presumptuous of me to say that in the midst of Cameron and Sandy's struggle over all that has transpired over the last few months, they can experience new life and a new depth of their love for each other and a new sense of the love of this community. Even through that struggle, through the dying, the sense of dying that we experience, comes new life, comes the love that we can share with each other. I'd like to finish by saying that it is my understanding that the struggle is not over. We are people for whom in an important sense the journey IS home. The struggle, as I have discovered over the last few years, is not something which happens and then is over and done with. Struggle leads to struggle. In some strange way, we ARE home in the struggle for justice and the struggle for recognition and the struggle for dignity. I would like to affirm that although the struggle is painful, the struggle is something that comes to us from God. It is something that has been given to Sandy and Cameron and to others of us in this room as a gift, as vocation, as the way in which we will experience the renewing life of Christ within us. Particularly tonight we celebrate our struggle, and particularly tonight I would call on each of you to renew your commitment, to pray for these two men who have allowed themselves to become something of an example (and that word "example" may be interpreted in different ways by different people). These two men are forging new ground; they need our prayers, and they need our support. They deserve all the love that we can give them as we celebrate with them and as we share our struggle. Cameron and Sandy: we go with you on your journey as you are on your journey with us, and we thank you. [AUTHOR BOX: The Rev. Rod McAvoy was ordained as an Anglican priest, but left the denomination and is now pastor of the Metropolitan Community Church in London, Ontario. MCC is a gay-positive Christian denomination with congregations in many North American cities, including two in Toronto.] ======== [89-9-6] IN SEARCH OF AN ANGLICAN BLESSING by Michael McAteer / Religion Editor [reprinted from the Toronto Star 1989 11 04, pg M21] Sandy Tipper and Cameron Atkison say their homosexual union is blessed by God. They would like Canada's Anglican Church to bless it too. Even some token informal church recognition of their union would do for starters, say the two active members of a Toronto Anglican parish. But they say they have failed to get even that from the Toronto diocese, and have been forced to go outside the Canadian Anglican church for that recognition and blessing. In August, the couple traveled to Rochester NY where they exchanged rings and vows in a "blessing of commitment" ceremony performed by a minister of the Episcopal (Anglican) Church in the US. Last month, having failed to get permission to hold it in their home parish, a "Eucharist of thanksgiving for their union" was held at Toronto's Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) which serves mainly the homosexual community. The service was celebrated by a former Anglican priest who is now an MCC pastor in London, Ontario. "It's painful it had to be done in such a complex, round-the-back-door route," Tipper, a 34-year-old computer company employee, said in an interview. "We are not trying to cause division and pain, there is division and pain right now in the church. "What we are trying to do is to stand up and be an open example to others." By doing so, they hope to reverse ultimately a ruling by Canada's Anglican bishops forbidding priests from blessing homosexual unions or doing anything that might confuse same-gender unions with a Christian marriage. Anglican bishops as a body have adopted a position that affirms the rights of homosexuals to equal protection under the law with all other Canadians. However, the bishops also say it is clear from scripture that only he sexual union of male and female can find expression within the covenant of Holy Matrimony. Rooted in God's creative purpose, they say, is the fulfillment and completion of male and female in each other, together with the procreative function of sexuality. "Thus the Church confines its nuptial blessings to heterosexual marriages, and we cannot authorise our clergy to bless homosexual unions," the bishops say. "We are aware that some homosexuals develop for themselves relationships of mutual support, help, and comfort, about which the Church must should an appropriate concern. "Such relationships, though, musty not be confused with Holy Matrimony and the Church must do nothing which appears to support any such suggestion." Tipper, who was brought up Anglican, and Atkison, who switched to Anglicanism from the United Church, are active members of St Martin-in- the-Fields Anglican parish. Tipper is on the parish's advisory board, is in the choir and the altar guild, and assigns the readers for services. Atkison, 34, a York University student, is also in the altar guild. Tipper has had training at an Anglican seminary, but says he is not aiming for ordination. "The current definitions of the system do not include me," he said. "I am in a committed permanent relationship that I would not renounce or hide." Homosexuals can be ordained priest in the Anglican church on the understanding they lead a celibate life. Tipper and Atkison said that two years ago, as members of St James Cathedral parish, the requested a service that would have celebrated their union, without violating the bishops' ruling by asking for the official blessing of the church hierarchy. They said the request was refused, as was a subsequent request for a similar service at their present parish. Tipper said there are several options open to homosexual couples who find themselves uncomfortable in the Anglican church: some move over to the Metropolitan Community church; others live together without church blessing because "they know that in God's sight their union has been blessed," while others stop going to church altogether. Tipper and Atkison found another option. "We knew the (Canadian) House of Bishops had spoken but that the US church had not spoken in the same way," Tipper said. In the early 1970s, a ministry to the homosexual community was launched in the diocese of Rochester, authorised by the bishop and allowing for the blessing of same-gender couples. The blessings are not presented as marriages per se but are simply called blessings of commitment an dare given only after lengthy counselling and preparation. According to literature from the ministry, the rationale for the blessing is to provide substantial church support for homosexuals seeking partnerships within the context of their religious faith. "Such commitments are seen by the Rochester diocese as a wholesome and healthier alternative to what would lead to a life of loneliness or a life spent in too many bars or other non-constructive situations. Last August, Tipper and Atkison's homosexual relationship was blessed at a service in a Rochester Anglican church. When the couple returned to Toronto they requested a service of thanksgiving to be held at their parish church. The request was refused by the diocese, and a service was held at Toronto's Metropolitan Community Church. Tipper said about 60 people, including about eight Anglican priests, attended the service as guests. "Gay people and lesbians can have as much need of the support of the community and support of the church," Tipper said of his efforts for church recognition of committed homosexual unions. "We are saying that gay people demand there be a place in what is our home and that we have to be the people that God has made us." Said Atkison: "Stable relationships are something the church should be encouraging. In the times in which we are living , with AIDS being so rampant, a committed relationship is something worthwhile and something to strive for." Toronto's Anglican Bishop Terence Finlay says the diocese was acting in line with guidelines set by Canada's Anglican bishops when it refused permission for the services requested by tipper and Atkison. "We don't recognise this form of relationship as a marriage per se and we could not participate in some service that would suggest that it was," Finlay said. "In that sense we are not prepared to legitimise this commitment. At the same time we are pastorally concerned about them (homosexuals) as people." Finlay said he was unaware of any other request for a service in the diocese as requested by Tipper and Atkison. Nor was he aware of any more to soften the bishop's guidelines. "We are presently asking for further information as to the position of the Diocese of Rochester in this matter," Finlay said. "To find out, in fact, what is happening in one of our brother churches, in one of the branches of the Anglican Communion." ======== End of volume 89-9 of Integrator, the newsletter of Integrity/Toronto copyright 1989 Integrity/Toronto Editor this issue: Bonnie Bewley comments please to Chris Ambidge, current Editor chris.ambidge@utoronto.ca OR Integrity/Toronto Box 873 Stn F Toronto ON Canada M4Y 2N9