Date: Fri, 12 Jun 1998 18:56:33 -0400 From: Chris Ambidge Subject: *Integrator* files for 1989 INTEGRATOR, the newsletter of Integrity/Toronto volume 89-6, issue date 1989 07 26 copyright 1989 Integrity/Toronto. The hard-copy version of this newsletter carries the ISSN 0843-574X Integrity/Toronto Box 873 Stn F Toronto ON Canada M4Y 2N9 == Contents == [89-6-1] INTEGRITY AND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAMBOOTH by Bonnie LIZARD Bewley [89-6-2] THREE EASTERNERS / by Chris Ambidge [89-6-3] BLESSING SAME-GENDER COUPLES / by Sandy Tipper [89-6-4] ADDRESSING AIDS AT GENERAL SYNOD / by Chris Ambidge [89-6-5] GIRAFFES ABOUT TOWN ======== [89-6-1] INTEGRITY AND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAMBOOTH by Bonnie LIZARD Bewley The word Synod means TO COME TOGETHER. Those who went to the 32nd General Synod in St John's this past June came from all over the country, and indeed visitors came from around the world. Integrity representatives came from Toronto and Vancouver, but we endeavoured to represent all gay/lesbian people in the Anglican church. The sessions of Synod were on the gym floor at Memorial University. The Primate was taken ill just before Synod, so sessions were presided over by Archbishop Hambidge of New Westminster (about whom we cannot say enough good things). The exhibitors had a birds-eye view of the proceedings, as the booths were on the mezzanine of the gym. Nearly twenty displays were there, both from Anglican affiliated groups, such as ourselves, and "in-house" from the various departments at Church House. Although I have a biased view, I think Integrity's booth was the most colourful, decorated as it was with our new, matching rainbow frontal and banner. One of the booth walls was covered with photos of various Integrity events, including the recent visits of Bishop Finlay and the Primate. A changing colour accent was provided by the gourmet jellybean dispenser, with Fruit of the Day flavoured beans. Still more colour was provided by the buttons and rainbow ribbons which we were distributing. The ribbons were worn in prayer for those who are affected by AIDS. We had eight different handouts which we were giving out at the booth. Six of these were specifically prepared for General Synod, and printing was subsidised by a grant from the Lesbian and Gay Community Appeal of Toronto. There were four one-page pamphlets: one that spoke about Integrity's purpose, one that talked about a pastoral response to gay/lesbian people in the church, another on blessing same-gender relationships, and a bibliography. The other two were larger: one a collection of thumbnail autobiographies of lesbian and gay Anglicans, and the other a "Readers Digest" version of *Integrator*. Sitting on the booth with the handouts were Stonewall and Sappho, two stuffed giraffes, which people often asked about. This gave an opening for us to explain that giraffes seen every day become unremarkable, and that we were at Synod to "be giraffes", to be visible lesbian/gay people, and hopefully to become unremarkable in the process. Of course, to be seen, someone had to be there, and we made sure that the booth was staffed by at least two people all the time. The people who went by the booth generally fell into three categories: very positive and supportive; unsure, but ready to talk about it; and those whose eyes got REAL big on reading the "Gay and Lesbian" sign, and who just kept moving. This last group just wasn't ready to deal with the lesbian/gay issue yet. While we were not surprised that we couldn't reach everyone, I still believe that our obvious commitment to the Church will have made an impression on these people. The mezzanine was not, of course, the only place that we met Synod people. We were in residence with them, so there were many opportunities to let people get to know us: in the dining room, in the residences, at the worship services, in the pub -- wherever. This was our main reason for going to St John's. On the whole, we had a lot of very positive responses. What little openly hostile reaction we heard was on the part of local Newfoundland people. Nevertheless, many of the islanders that we met were very warm and welcoming: indeed, Stonewall decided to stay with one family who more-or-less adopted us. Our presence at the 32nd General Synod of the Anglican Church of Canada was, without a doubt, time well spent. We're looking forward to the 33rd General Synod, Toronto in 1992. ======== [89-6-2] THREE EASTERNERS by Chris Ambidge These are the stories of three people who we met at General Synod, all of whom have been affected by homophobia. Jim, Ian and Tom are not their real names, but they do correspond to real people. Jim, one of the local volunteers, was very distressed that we were at General Synod. On Monday, he was lurking near the booth for a while, while Mayne (convener of Integrity/Vancouver) and I were staffing it. I left for a moment, and as soon as I was over the horizon, he zoomed in on her. "What's all this?" "*We're gay and lesbian Anglicans*" "Don't talk nonsense, there aren't any" "*Yes there are, you're looking at one*" [at this point, I returned]. "Well, not around here" "*We're in every part of the Church*" "Well, if you spent an evening with me, you wouldn't still be a lesbian". To this amazingly rude remark, Mayne managed to remain polite and say simply "No thank you". Jim went on to ask if we'd prayed about this, and when assured that we had, inferred that we either hadn't tried hard enough, or were being wilfully deaf when the answer came. He left, saying that he would pray for us, to which I replied that we would pray for him too. Jim is a very frightened person: when he was talking to us, he was fidgeting around like a little boy who has to go to the bathroom *right now*. Our presence at General Synod, and our feeling OK about being gay/lesbian (rather than that we were scum of the earth) upset him a great deal. He continued to lurk in the background throughout Synod -- we saw him, always in the distance, almost every day. Jim is affected by his own homophobia, although Mayne and I were its targets. It is much less usual for a heterosexual person to be a victim of homophobia, but that's exactly what Ian was. There has recently been a scandal in Newfoundland in which Roman Catholic priests and lay brothers have been accused of sexually molesting young boys in their charge. Ian is an Anglican priest, married with two children. He spoke to us of the problems he has been having recently whenever he takes his son out in public. People seeing a man in a clerical collar with a little boy are immediately suspicious and hostile. Ian has reached a point where he is seriously considering buying matching windbreakers, one reading "Joey" and the other "Joey's Dad". Typically, though, targets of homophobia are lesbians or gays. One of those that we met is Tom, a University student. Tom is feeling the isolating effects of being out of the closet in a very homophobic environment. He expressed frustration at not being able to get an organisation for gay/ lesbian people off the ground. I perceived in Newfoundland, much more than in other urban areas, the oppressive sense that "if you set one foot outside the closet, you will be instantly attacked". This feeling frightens the local lesbians and gays into remaining closeted, or at most within very small circles. The result of this is that they deny themselves any support systems, or any kind of community. People who are out like Tom have even fewer supports since they are frightening to other gay/lesbian people. Closeted people, wary of guilt-by-association, avoid being seen with those who are out. The homosexuals of Newfoundland are suffering as a result of homophobia. They are targets of attacks from people like Jim, and they are also victims of their own fear of these attacks. While homophobia of any kind exists, in the Church or in society as a whole, Integrity must also exist. I promised Jim, as he retreated from the booth, that we would pray for him. I think we need to pray for all those who are affected by homophobia. ======== [89-6-3] BLESSING SAME-GENDER COUPLES by Sandy Tipper The church has much to say about the value of committed relationships, spiritually, socially, and psychologically. This is emphasised in the sacrament of Marriage for heterosexual couples. Clinical, pastoral, and actuarial evidence shows that coupling, committed relationships, and established intimacy are important for wholesome well-being to human beings, homosexual or heterosexual. However, the social supports for same-gender couples are weak, as forces both in the gay community and in the community at large tend to destabilise rather than strengthen such relationships. Gay and lesbian persons often have had to fight or run from the very structures that should be promoting their spiritual and psychological health, often to their own detriment. Inconsistently, the church has often been more part of the problem than the solution. But in some small corners, things are starting to change. To provide substantial church support for those gay persons who sought commitments within the context of their religious beliefs, in the early 1970's, the Episcopal bishop of Rochester, NY authorised a ministry to the gay community that allowed for the blessing of same-gender couples. The priest that has been given this ministry is Walter Lee Szymanski, and much of the information given here comes from his experience and articles. The blessings are liturgical in nature, but are not presented as marriages *per se*, for several reasons, including civil legality, and general misunderstanding of what a "gay marriage" would mean. The nature of heterosexual marriage is itself enough of an unclear issue. They are neither imitations nor parodies of heterosexual marriages. They are simply called blessings of commitment. The following is a formal statement drawn up by the Rochester ministry to support the rationale of the blessing of same-gender couples: "For centuries the church has blessed many things and many occasions. = Notable missionary endeavours and congregations of people who have pledged their life to God have been blessed. So also the church blesses friendships, families and any two individuals who wish to commit their lives to each other and to Jesus Christ. The church acts appropriately in the best interests of the faith when it confers a blessing of commitment upon two individuals of the same gender when they seek to share a life together and to grow in the grace of God. "Whether in Matrimony or in the blessing of a particular couple's commitment, the church doesn't specifically bless an orientation or a particular mode of sexual behaviour. The church, however, blesses persons, regardless of orientation, who claim Jesus Christ to be their Lord and Saviour and who commit themselves as individuals or couples to the fellowship of the Church." A major factor in this ministry is the serious preparation and instruction that precedes the ceremony. Counselling and evaluation equivalent to that for marriage are done, and as a result, the "success rate" of couples staying together for the long term are as good or better than that of heterosexual marriages in the area. As of 1987, the latest year for which statistics were available, three years after they had been through this process, 75% of same-gender couples were still together. The church definitely can (and should) provide effective loving support for same-sex couples as well as for heterosexual couples. Clinical evidence implies a basic need for a wholesome, intimately affectionate, and long-term relationship with another person. For example, married people tend to live longer than single people. Intimacy involves closeness between two persons, profound respect for each other, sharing of experiences and ideas, and a deep concern by each one for the welfare of the other. Intimacy consists of a friendship so absorbing that it has no equal in any of the two participants' other relationships. We all have an essential inner nature which is intrinsic, given, and "natural". No psychological health is possible unless this essential core of the person is fundamentally accepted, loved, and respected by others and by oneself. "Coming out of the closet" is a step toward this, but for many it is a painful and threatening process. Losing friends, family, or jobs still happen to many gay and lesbian persons as a result of being honest. There are few social outlets where gay and lesbian persons can meet one another openly and in a supportive environment which could lead to the development of significant friendships and relationships. Loneliness and isolation still are major human issues in the gay community, more often than is found in most heterosexual circumstances. Where gay persons have been able to establish an on-going relationship or commitment with one another, more often than not that relationship is confronted with a general lack of support in the community at large, and even within the gay community. Soon many gay persons find that long term commitments are so hard to develop that they give up on such hopes. The pursuit of substantial and wholesome intimacy often becomes too painful and frustrating to be worth the effort for many in the gay community. In 1978, the House of Bishops of the Anglican Church of Canada issued a statement that gay and lesbian people are children of God and deserving of the ministry of the church, yet in the same statement explicitly forbade liturgical celebration of their relationships. Other American dioceses are now recognising the value of this ministry, and studying it or implementing it. It is high time that we in Canada take a long hard look at what Christ would have us do, rather than at what won't rock the boat. ======= [89-6-4] ADDRESSING AIDS AT GENERAL SYNOD by Chris Ambidge Many of the 320 delegates to General Synod were seen wearing rainbow ribbons in prayer for people living with AIDS (PLWA's). They had several other opportunities to address the issue. One of the Information Dialogues, arranged to give delegates a chance to learn about the various issues confronting the Church, was dedicated to AIDS. The Rev Douglas Graydon, chaplain at Casey House (Toronto AIDS hospice) gave a presentation, after which delegates expressed their concerns and questions about the disease, and how the church is handling it. Several members of the National Church AIDS Working Group (including myself) were also present. The next evening a vigil was held for those who are living with, and those who have died of, AIDS. In inviting delegates to attend, we said "The vigil stands as witness to those who confront this illness and reminds us as church that we are one with them". The vigil was held in the Quiet Room just off the Synod floor. Over eighty people filled the room to overflowing for the service led by the acting Primate. People read names of PWAs, lit candles, heard words of hope from scripture, and prayed. The vigil candle and the cards bearing the names of PWAs were left in the Quiet Room, and people continued to pray for these people for the remainder of Synod. The day after the vigil, Synod approved an AIDS motion made by Jim Cruickshank (Dean of Vancouver) and Sr Benedetta of Hamilton. The motion asks the Primate and the House of Bishops to call a national day of prayer for PLWAs and those who minister to them. A motion to refer the matter to National Executive Council was roundly defeated after Graydon spoke to the house. He said that to delay the Day of Prayer would impede the educational process for years: AIDS is not a future issue, but is in the Church now. ======== [89-6-5] GIRAFFES ABOUT TOWN Giraffes seen once a year at the zoo remain strange, exotic creatures. Giraffes seen every week become unremarkable and part of the background. *We are all giraffes* o Integrity/Toronto is now the proud owner of a matching rainbow coloured frontal and banner. These were designed by Chris Ambidge and stitched by Bonnie Lizard Bewley (bet you didn't know that Lizards could sew). The new frontal was first used when the Primate came to celebrate for us and the banner was prepared (just) in time to go with our delegation to General Synod. It is our intention to have a matching stole by the time Bishop Fricker celebrates for us in November. o The AIDS Quilt was in Toronto just prior to Pride Day. The Quilt has a very powerful visual impact, partly because of its size and the knowledge that we are seeing only a small part of the Quilt itself, which in turn represents only a small portion of those lost. The other thing that makes the Quilt so powerful is that while the panels are all very different, they are alike in their expression of love and of loss. The Quilt is very important because it allows those who see it a place where they can publicly display and share their grief. o The theme for Lesbian and Gay Pride Day this year was *20/20 - Setting Our Sights*. This refers to 1989 being a double twentieth anniversary. It was in 1969 that the Stonewall riots in New York City occurred: these are considered to be the beginning of the public gay rights movement. This is also the twentieth anniversary of then-Justice Minister Trudeau saying "the State has no business in the bedrooms of the nation". As usual, Integrity took part in the ecumenical service before the parade, marched, and had a table. One thing that was pleasantly different about this year was that the Interfaith groups requested display space together. The result was that one row of prime space in the park was taken up entirely by gay/lesbian religious caucuses. o All of you who receive *Anglican Journal =C9piscopal *will be pleased= to see on page 19 of the July issue a one column article entitled "Integrity pops gay stereotypes". This article is the result of an interview with the co-conveners of Integrity/Toronto and the convener of Integrity/Vancouver at General Synod. Also in this month's *Journal* is a lead editorial and over three pages of coverage of the AIDS issue. ======== End of volume 89-6 of Integrator, the newsletter of Integrity/Toronto copyright 1989 Integrity/Toronto Editor this issue: Bonnie Bewley comments please to Chris Ambidge, current Editor chris.ambidge@utoronto.ca OR Integrity/Toronto Box 873 Stn F Toronto ON Canada M4Y 2N9