Date: Mon, 15 May 95 18:01:10 EDT From: "James D. Anderson" MORE LIGHT UPDATE June 1995 Volume 15, Number 11 Presbyterians for Lesbian & Gay Concerns James D. Anderson, Communications Secretary P.O. 38 New Brunswick, NJ 08903-0038 908/249-1016, 908/932-7501 (Rutgers University) FAX 908/932-6916 (Rutgers University) Internet: janderson@zodiac.rutgers.edu Note: * is used to indicate italicized or boldface text. CONTENTS RESOURCES Called Out: The Voices and Gifts of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered Presbyterians GREAT NEWS [Anti]-Same-Sex Union Amendment Is Defeated CHANGES Jim Beates, new coordinator for Synod of the Covenant Jimmy Smith, co-coordinator for Living Waters has new address & phone. JOBS New Jersey Prison Bible Study The Lazarus Project, Los Angeles EVENTS Pride Celebration in New York City A PROTEST *The Presbyterian Layman* Defames the Names Memorial Quilt OUR MAIN FEATURE **ILLUMINATIONS 1995**: Anecdotes of Our Movement, Introduced and edited by Chris Glaser * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * RESOURCES Chi Rho Press is Proud to Announce the Pre-Publication Sale of an Important New Book: Called Out: The Voices and Gifts of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered Presbyterians Edited by Jane Adams Spahr, Kathryn Poethig, Selisse Berry, and Melinda V. McLain In this new book, 39 gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered Presbyterians write about their calling, their ministries, their struggles, and their lives in the Presbyterian Church. Here are 39 men and women from the United Presbyterian Church in the USA, the Presbyterian Church in the US, and the re-united Presbyterian Church (USA), many telling their stories for the first time in print. They come from all over the United States and from a wide range of backgrounds within Presbyterianism. Some of these writers have left the church they love and to which God has called them. Some remain, struggling valiantly to be faithful to their call to Word and Sacrament. Some glory in the struggle and keep on keeping on, confident that God will bring "yet more light" to the Presbyterian Church. Some struggle, against despair, that the Presbyterian Church might one day be called out to accept and embrace its gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered children. But all of the women and men who wrote this volume are faithful - - faithful to the God who has called them out, and faithful to the church which has sought to block and hinder their ministries. Here are the authentic voices of 39 sexual minority Presbyterians who only seek to serve God as they believe God has called them out to serve -- in the Presbyterian Church. *Called Out* is organized in sex sections: The OUT-Stretched Hand of God OUT of Order OUT and Organizing OUT from the South The Importance of Being OUT OUT and Moved On The authors of *Called Out* include, in alphabetical order: James D. Anderson, Scott D. Anderson, Selisse Berry, Lisa Bove, Sandy Brawders, Kathleen Buckley, Doug Calderwood, Kathryn Cartledge, Charles Collins, Jim Earhart, Marvin Ellison, Chris Glaser, James Graves, Bet Hannon, Dick Hasbany & Craig Machado, Martha Juillerat & Tammy Lindahl, Walter Jay Kleine, Jr., Laurene Lafontaine, Lisa Larges, Winn Legerton, Susan Leo, George Link, Melinda V. McLain, Kathleen Morrison, Robert Ochoa-Schutz, Kathryn Poethig, Merrill Proudfoot, Lawrence Reh, Lorna Shoemaker, Bill Silver, Charlotte Sindt, Barbara Lynn Smith, Daniel E. Smith, Will Smith, Jane Adams Spahr, Diana Vezmar- Bailey, Howard Warren, Georgeann Wilcoxson, Rodger Wilson. *Called Out: The Voices and Gifts of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered Presbyterians* sells for only $12.95 each. Six or more copies are $10.95 each. Order your copies today and your copies will be sent to you "hot off the presses" in July 1995. Please add Shipping and Handling Charges of $2.50 for 1 copy, $3.50 for 2-4 copies, $5.50 for 5-7 copies, $6.50 for 8-10 copies, and 7% of the total order for 11 copies or more. Make checks out to Chi Rho Press, and send them, with your name and address to: Chi Rho Press, PO Box 7864, Gaithersburg, MD 20898, or call 301-670-1859. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * GREAT NEWS Same-Sex Union Amendment Is Defeated Louisville, KY. -- A measure that would flatly prohibit Presbyterian ministers from "participating" in same-sex union ceremonies is dead. As of April 11, the presbyteries' vote on the proposed Amendment E to the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) constitution is 70 affirmative, 60 negative, and 26 no action. Fifteen presbyteries have yet to vote. But because any amendment to the "Book of Order" must be approved by a majority of the denomination's 171 presbyteries, the 86 affirmative votes needed to adopt the amendment are not possible. Votes to take no action are tantamount to voting "no." Thus, said the Rev. C. Fred Jenkins, director of constitutional services in the Office of the General Assembly, the amendment fails even through more presbyteries voted "yes" than voted "no." -- Jerry L. Van Marter, *News Briefs, Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.)* Issue No. 9516, April 21, 1995. [And a loud AMEN and hooooray! What a great way to start the third (and final) year of Presbyterian dialogue about our lives, hopes, and place in the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.)! -- JDA] * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * CHANGES The Rev. Jim Beates has agreed to become PLGC's coordinator for the Synod of the Covanant. His address & phone are: Rev. James J. Beates, 18120 Lahser Rd. #1, Detroit, MI 48219, 313-255- 7059. Jimmy Smith, co-coordinator for the Synod of Living Waters, has a new address: 2202 Eastland Ave., Nashville, TN 37206-1767. We don't have his new phone number yet. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * JOBS New Jersey Prison Bible Study. A bible study begun by PLGC'ers many years ago in the New Jersey State Prison in Avenel needs a new leader. Contact Jim Anderson if interested. The Lazarus Project, a ministry of reconciliation between the church and lesbians and gays based at West Hollywood Presbyterian Church, Hollywood, CA, is seeking a new director. This is a part-time position with a limited salary and a great deal of work. The new director will need to live in Southern California and have a car. A person who already has some retirement benefits and a pension, or someone who has other income or another part-time job will find this a more reasonable financial situation. For information, contact Doug Elliott, Moderator & Chair of Search Committee, 1232 Dell Dr., Monterey Park, CA 91754, 213-262-8019. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * EVENTS Pride Celebration in New York City. Kick off the 1995 Lesbian & Gay Pride Weekend in New York City with a concert featuring the Lavender Light Gospel Choir, Friday, June 23, 1995, 6 p.m. at Rutgers Presbyterian Church, 236 W. 73rd St., New York, NY 10023. Tickets will be limited, so call for information: 212-877-8227. Sponsored by the Presbytery of New York City Unit for Lesbian & Gay Concerns, 2095 Broadway, Suite 306, New York, NY 10023. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * A PROTEST *The Presbyterian Layman* Defames the Names Memorial Quilt The Rev. James J. Beates, Minister Member of Detroit Presbytery, has sent this letter to leaders of our church and to the church media: In january, Detroit Presbytery endorsed a display of The Names Project AIDS Memorial Quilt to be held here April 5-9. Presbyterians, including myself, are on the Host Committee. It was a shock to pick up a copy of *The Presbyterian Layman* at our February 28 Presbytery meeting and read the demeaning characterization of The Quilt as "PATCHWORK REMEMBRANCES OF SAME-SEX COPULATION." We had portions of The Quilt at *our* General Assembly in 1991, in cooperation with the Office of the General Assembly. It has been endorsed by governing bodies of the Church. Churches and sessions have made panels. All of this has been libeled by the Rev. Parker Williamson's published statements. I write to lodge an official protest against *The Presbyterian Layman*. In the January-February issue of *The Presbyterian Layman*, the Rev. Parker Williamson, writing about the PHEWA conference [Presbyterian Health, Education & Welfare Association, p. 4, 8], characterizes The Names Project AIDS Memorial Quilt as "PATCHWORK REMEMBRANCES OF SAME-SEX COPULATION." He uses this phrase twice, first in the text of the article [p. 4] and then as a caption to a photo [p. 8]. More than apology is called for. This man should be disciplined in the courts of the church. This is why: 1. He desecrated a memorial. 2. He, in his cruelty by using that phrase repeatedly ""patchwork remembrances of same-sex copulation"), INTENTIONALLY inflicted pain on the survivors. 3. He defamed the makers of the panels: mothers & fathers, sisters & brothers, sons & daughters, friends & neighbors, members of our congregations and youth groups. 4. He defamed *all* those memorialized, *all* children of God, in The AIDS Memorial Quit. 5. In short, he has done something no decent CHRISTIAN person would do and has clearly diminished the office of Minister of Word & Sacrament in the Presbyterian Church. Since there is an official "Reconciliation Committee" established by the General Assembly, there is an official recognition of sorts of the Presbyterian Lay Committee. Because he has obviously broken his ordination vow regarding colleagues in ministry (Presbyterian ministers and family members are memorialized in the Quilt), I write you, leaders of the church, expecting you to take action on this matter for the love and justice of Jesus Christ. I'm sure that the references in *The Book of Order* will be found and additional charges are possible. What will you do to resolve this evil in our denomination? I await your actions and response in this matter. -- Sincerely, The Rev. James J. Beates. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * MAIN FEATURE: **ILLUMINATIONS 1995** Anecdotes of Our Movement Introduced and edited by Chris Glaser Chris Glaser, M.Div., is the author of *The Word Is Out* and *Coming Out to God*. He travels widely as a speaker and preacher, workshop and retreat leader. You may write, phone, or fax him at: Chris Glaser, 991 Berne St. SE, Atlanta, GA 30316-1859; Phone/FAX: 404/622-4222. Introduction and dedication Copyright (c) 1995 by Chris R. Glaser. All rights reserved. Permission granted for non- profit duplication with proper credit. ____________________________________________________________ **CALLING ALL ANECDOTES** Chris would like to make *Illuminations*, the June-July issue of the *More Light Update*, the annual ingathering of anecdotes from our movement as lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender Christians in the church. Take time now to send or fax anecdotes (see definition in the Introduction) to: Chris Glaser, 991 Berne St. SE, Atlanta, GA 30316-1859; Phone/FAX: 404/622-4222. ____________________________________________________________ Introduction **Anecdotal Theology** In politics these days, governmental policies based on anecdotal information are rightly being criticized. But the reliance on "statistics" may also be misleading, for, as we know, statistics may be twisted and exploited by the agendas of either researcher or interpreter. Anecdotes, at least, give a human face to the faceless statistic. Statistically, perhaps, our movement for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender rights/rites in the church is small. Yet we each have our stories whose poignancy, grace, humor, and compassion are larger than our "statistical" life in the church. That's why we capture the church's imagination, even when the reaction is more negative than positive. Long ago, George Wilson, now a retired Presbyterian pastor living in Pebble Beach, California, commented on my occasional columns for *Christianity & Crisis*. He seemed puzzled but intrigued by the way I would start with an anecdote, and then bounce that off another story, slowly wending my way to some kind of theological conclusion. George and I dearly love each other, but I'm not sure whether his evaluation was complimentary, a neutral observation, or a gentle criticism. But it's true, I practice a kind of "anecdotal theology." An anecdote is defined in two ways: 1. A short account of some interesting or humorous incident. 2. Secret or hitherto undivulged particulars of history or biography. Anecdotes have shaped my theological understanding, whether anecdotes from scripture, sermons, conversations, counseling, readings, films, music, art, or personal experience. Abstractions can be fun, but give me a story and I'm more likely to take it to heart as well as remember it. Jesus knew this. That's why he offered parables rather than simple platitudes. And that's how I was trained theologically -- the theologian reflects on real experience. That's what our movement is asking the church to do: reflect upon our experience, our stories, our anecdotes. And yet the church could do so much more than simply reflect with us theologically. It could offer us voice, revealing "hitherto undivulged particulars of history or biography." As Presbyterian-turned-MCC pastor Jim Richards quotes in his newsletter for MCC/Knoxville from gay author Oscar Wilde: "With a width and wonder of imagination that fills one almost with awe, [Jesus] took the entire world of the inarticulate, the voiceless world of pain, as his kingdom, and made of himself its eternal mouthpiece. Those of whom I have spoken who are dumb under oppression and 'whose silence is heard only of God,' he chose as his brothers [and sisters]. He sought to become eyes to the blind, ears to the deaf, and a cry on the lips of those whose tongue had been tied." [Oscar Wilde, *De Profundis*, NY:Avon Books, 1905, p. 141.] The Body of Christ, the church, could serve for the many in our movement who can't yet speak for themselves, whether to a parent, a spouse, a friend, a pastor, a congregation, an employer, a legislator, a judge, a president, an electorate. In the meanwhile and alongside any attempts the church may make to speak up for our rights/rites, we must tell our stories, especially to one another, to cheer one another *on* and to cheer one another *up* -- and to discern God's activity in our midst. Dedication **The Rev. Dr. Ross Greek** **"This Is Reality!"** Ross Greek passed on to the eternal commonwealth of God this spring. He was the pastor who helped found in 1977 the Lazarus Project, a ministry of reconciliation between the church and the lesbian, gay, and bisexual community, and welcomed me as its first director, sharing the pulpit and ministry of the West Hollywood Presbyterian Church. It's appropriate that I dedicate this collection of anecdotes to the glory of God in his memory, because Ross was a great storyteller, as well as a frequent subject of anecdotes! Ross was the quintessential prophet -- a prophet's prophet, if you will. The same man who would wave his index finger at church folk about some new cause, declaring, "This is reality!" would mop floors for his congregation, feed and shelter and shower the homeless, cruise Sunset Strip as its chaplain in the '60's, lead rap groups for the "Flower Children," counsel conscientious objectors, reconnect runaways with their parents, help people with addictions, create a halfway home for ex-offenders, endure complaints from neighbors and fellow Presbyterians, visit the ailing older members and memorialize their passing, encourage would- be actors and would-be pastors, march to Selma, moderate at Kent State, and offer alike to governor, prostitute, and a queer-like-me an unadulterated bearhug. Ross lived God's steadfast love. I know I'm one of thousands who could say we got our start because Ross **believed in us**. During my tenure on staff at West Hollywood Presbyterian Church, I met hundreds who dropped in just to say Ross had helped them get their lives together. If you ever heard Ross get going on a concern close to his heart, you could understand why he abandoned the silence of the Quaker meetings in which he'd been reared. The only way to silence him was to thank him. Ross modestly chafed at praise. When he received the prestigious John Park Lee Award from the Presbyterian Health, Education, and Welfare Association, he gave no speech -- he offered a simple thank you. And whenever he was honored, he thanked Norma, his partner in ministry, and his children, of whom he was very proud. One anecdote sums up my experience of Ross. It was Worldwide Communion Sunday, and Ross preached overlong until Norma gave him the high sign that it was time to stop. Abruptly he began to end the service. Exasperated, Norma whispered loudly, "Ross -- COMMUNION!" "Oh," Ross said, only slightly concerned, "We'll do it next week!" I was stunned and not a little perturbed. Holy Communion was not something you postponed for the convenience of time, *for God's sake*, **especially** on Worldwide Communion Sunday. The sanctuary emptied, and I, unnoticed, took a piece of the bread, said a prayer, and ate it. Someone in the back of the sanctuary announced, "Chris, you have a phone call." I followed the person into the fellowship hall to answer the phone, and the congregation shouted "Surprise!" and sang "Happy Birthday" to me. Cake and punch was our communion that day. Ross had been afraid that if we delayed in worship any longer that some of the church members would have to leave before my surprise birthday party. I thought then and I know now that, as Ross often said, "Life is a sacrament." How appropriate for him to consider a celebration of birth as yet another form of communion. And how apropos that Ross left this earth on the anniversary of Martin Luther King, Jr.'s tragic death. Ross' solidarity with the civil rights movement prompted West Hollywood Presbyterian Church's tradition in weekly worship of joining hands in a closing circle to sing a modified verse from "We Shall Overcome." And so, **to** Ross and **with** Ross I sing: "Deep in my heart, I do believe, we'll walk hand in hand someday." **Chris Glaser** Atlanta, Georgia **The Devil Made Me Do It** After I had lectured on homosexuality at Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Michigan, I was sought out for a secret interview by a frightened young man named George. "How do I know that your voice isn't the voice of the Devil?" he asked anxiously. I said, "Well, let's apply a little test based on Jesus' remark that 'by their fruits you shall know them.' If you believe I am speaking God's words when I tell you that you are acceptable to God as a gay man, what are you going to do with your life?" Without hesitation he replied, "I will become a gay Christian activist and will tell every gay person I meet that God loves them just as they are." "Okay, then," I responded, "And if you decide that I am speaking the Devil's words, what are you going to do with your life?" Again without hesitation, George said, "I'm going to kill myself." "And which course of action do you think the Devil would prefer you to take?" I asked. George's face broke into a relieved smile as he got the point. Several years later, the last time I heard from him, he had changed his name to Joshua and was a gay Christian activist in Manhattan. **Virginia Ramey Mollenkott** New Jersey **That All May Freely Serve** One of the most poignant experiences for me occurred at a small church in the Boston area. This story has essentially replicated itself throughout the hundreds of churches "That All May Freely Serve" has visited. I arrived to share a delicious potluck supper with members of the session, pastor, spouse, and the committee that had invited me. Our table conversations were fun and lively. We then moved upstairs for a dialogue time, where I was asked to share my life story and the story of the Downtown United Presbyterian Church of Rochester in calling me. Questions and discussion followed. At the end of the evening, several people remarked how they wished the dialogue could continue, but since there were no lesbians or gay persons in the church to carry on the conversation, they felt things would come to a standstill. At that moment, Sally stood, a member and newly- installed deacon. You could tell by people's faces that Sally was deeply cherished by the congregation. Sally said, "Janie will be leaving us this evening, but I am here. I have wanted to tell you for quite some time: I am a lesbian, and I will be very happy to continue this dialogue and conversation with you." Smiles, tears, and exclamations were heard -- Sally! Our Sally! The church folks encircled Sally with hugs of gratitude. They have continued the dialogue and became a More Light Church this past year. Lesbian/gay/bisexual/transgendered people are in our families and our churches. They are people like Sally, who we know and love. **Jane Adams Spahr** California **Presbyterian Sex (An Oxymoron?)** In Baltimore, one day after the 1991 General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) had concluded its decision- making on human sexuality, my husband and I noticed the tee- shirt worn by Terry Troxell, a young gay man who died of AIDS just this past January. "I had sex with the Presbyterian Church," proclaimed the front. On the back, "And it was awful!" My husband and I stopped short as we passed him, remarking that his shirt was even complete with a Presbyterian symbol. It seemed an amusing, yet poignant epilogue to the entire event. **Sylvia Thorson-Smith** Iowa **If You Thought You Didn't Like Church** I moved to Los Angeles in 1981 with the firm belief that I would no longer go to church, since my "lifestyle" did not conform to what I had been taught in the Southern Baptist Church. However, in my effort to find an apartment, I picked up a copy of *The Advocate* and looked at the classified ads only to run across an ad that read, "If you thought you didn't like church -- West Hollywood Presbyterian Church." I was extremely surprised that a church would run an advertisement in a gay paper. Once I found an apartment, I decided to check out the Wednesday night Bible Study at WHPC. Because of my fundamentalist background, I was suspicious and told my new roommate where I was going, the address, and to call the police if I wasn't home before midnight. The ad could possibly be a ploy to get unsuspecting gays into a change ministry, or -- even worse -- to take me to some hotel room and "deprogram" me. As it turned out, what I found at the Bible Study was a wonderful bunch of people who were Christian and gay. After the Bible Study they asked if I would join them for coffee (actually, a drink at the Eagle, I think), but I couldn't stay long because I didn't want my roommate to end up calling the police and reporting my abduction by a group of religious fanatics. **Chuck Wojnowski** California **It Was In the Cards** In 1976, the General Assembly of the former United Presbyterian Church in the U.S.A. decided that the persons on the Task Force to prepare a report on Homosexuality and the Church would be appointed by the Moderator *and* the Chairperson of the Advisory Council on Church and Society, who happened to be me. Thelma Adair, the Moderator, had such a busy schedule that she and I met with each other during the United Presbyterian Women National Meeting at Purdue and then found one night in her schedule when I could meet with her in New York. It was a long day's flight from Los Angeles, but I was prepared for our evening meeting in the hotel room. The airport bus from La Guardia reached its midtown destination, and all the passengers clustered around the driver as he pulled our luggage out. A man in a business suit grabbed a brown Samsonite briefcase and walked quickly to the subway entrance. Finally, there was just one briefcase left, but it was not *my* brown Samsonite. Panic struck! How could Thelma and I choose the task force members when all the information we needed was in a missing briefcase? My carefully-prepared file cards, one for each nominee, were ready to be arranged on the bed in every combination we wanted to try. Without those cards, our evening meeting would be a total loss. Waiting on the corner, hoping the man would quickly discover that he had the wrong briefcase, was a useless tactic. Phoning the bus company was not too encouraging, as recovery depended on the man's willingness to bring my suitcase back. Thank God, he did! Thelma and I met later than planned but completed the slate of 19 persons to serve on the Task Force. They did their job well, but the 1978 G.A. -- while receiving their extensive background paper -- rejected their recommendation that presbyteries make case-by-case decisions regarding the fitness of a candidate for ordination. **Jeanne C. Marshall** California **Three-Letter Word for Discriminated Minority** While on a trip to San Francisco last year, I went to Lulu's for dinner by myself. It was then a new, wildly popular "people" restaurant on Folsom Street, I think. I had to sit at the bar in a side room, which was okay, as I enjoy dining alone and working an ever-present crossword puzzle. I became aware that the woman who had just seated herself to my right seemed to take an inordinately open interest in my puzzle. "Oh," she said, "You like crossword puzzles, I see." "Yes" -- period. She kept it on for awhile, then announced out of the blue, "I'm Jewish, you know." "Oh," answered I, "I'm gay, you know." We became friends. I gave her a ride back to her hotel on Market Street. She was in town from Las Vegas for a food convention. We still correspond. **Gordon Johnson** Hawaii **Drama Queen** While teaching a class in religious drama in the Synod School for Whitewater Valley Presbytery in 1990, I became quite fond of an octogenarian who was attending with her daughter and was an enthusiastic contributor in the class. We had read Michael Christofer's *A Shadow Box* as an example of secular drama which, at its foundation, is truly religious. Our class discussion turned to the topic of homosexuality because of the gay family portrayed in the script. Interestingly enough, the class was unanimous in its disgust of gay segregation within our church. When asked how we, as conscientious Presbyterians, should respond to charges from the religious right, my octogenarian friend responded in quite sober tones, "We should shoot them ... in Christian love!" I've always loved her for that and remember her subtle humor when times are difficult for me. **John Wayne Tolley** New Jersey **Montreat Mischief** John's story above reminds me of another octogenarian who proudly announced in a workshop on homosexuality and the church held during the 1993 Peacemaking Conference at Montreat that she had had her "first sexual experience" as a girl there by the lake. People in the workshop looked stunned by her admission. "Yes," she said proudly, "I had my first kiss right there on the shore." **Chris Glaser** Georgia **Woman's Alliance** Every summer Kirkridge holds its gay, lesbian, Christian weekend. That beautiful mountaintop conference center fills to overflowing with people who create a real church for four days. The highlight is the fish bowl, a sharing of stories by four or five of the participants while the rest of us sit around them and listen. I may not remember their names, but I never forget the details of their stories. I always stuff my pockets with kleenex for that evening. Last year I had to change my sweater afterwards because a young man next to me in the outer circle cried so hard on my shoulder. He did not like my theo-politics much, found me a little progressive and feminist for his tastes. But, as he sobbed, listening to the honesty of our peers, and I held him like a child, he said, "I never thought someone who thought like you do could be so nice." We hugged. **Mary E. Hunt** Maryland **Founder's Coming Out Day** Having served as a minister in a barrio of Chicago and in a downtown church in St. Paul, David Bailey Sindt [founder of PLGC] decided to pursue a study of social work at the University of Michigan to supplement that part of his pastoral training. It was during his time in Ann Arbor that he recognized for himself that he was homosexual. His first concern was to explain to us, his parents, who he was and what it all meant. Certainly he wanted to be the one to tell us and not have us hear it from anyone else. Consequently he set out for Minnesota, putting together statements and explanations as he had been trained to do. The miles sped by as he considered carefully what he would say and how he could explain that he was a different son from the one we had nurtured through the years. Finally he reached Afton, where we were living, at a late hour and explained as gently as he could that he was a homosexual. His father and I were both bewildered, and I, particularly, had no understanding and said, "But, David, I don't even know what it means to be homosexual!" And so the hours went by through the night as David so gently and carefully tried to explain what I did not understand. It was very tense. Ultimately, in frustration, he said, "But Mother and Pop -- remember always: I'm still David!" Oh -- the light dawned! Of course -- this was the same son we had always loved! Of course -- this was love! At that point David gave us our first book on the subject -- not a great one, but there weren't many in those days. Through the ensuing years we read, we met David's friends and others, and grew to recognize several in our own community who were added to our "family." What a revelation it was, and what a blessing! **Gus & Char Sindt** Minnesota **That Reminds Me** A Honolulu doctor reared Presbyterian came home one Christmas to upstate New York with the intention of coming out to his family. He brought them Don Clark's then newly- published book, *Loving Someone Gay*. Things were tense, and his sister pressed him why he was behaving so strangely. When he explained he was gay and intended to tell their parents, his sister replied, "Oh, is that all? Let's tell them now!" She dragged him into their parents' bedroom for a seemingly awkward coming out. Much to his surprise, he discovered his parents were already active in the local chapter of PLGC, and, by the way, had he read this new book, *Loving Someone Gay*? Hawaii **Malesbian** A few months ago, while talking to my sister about accepting Julie and me as a couple, she asked, "So, which one of you is the man?" I was taken back for a moment. To her question I replied, "Why does one of us need to be the man? Neither of us is 'the man.'" My sister was really confused about how we related to each other. Her only conception of two people relating sexually was heterosexual. She thought that surely one of us had to act like the man in our relationship. A week later, Julie and I were playing golf together. After finishing our putting on the fifth hole, we walked over to the "outhouse" for a restroom break. Julie went into the women's restroom. Seeing that no one was around and I was in great need, I went into the men's bathroom. Upon returning to the cart to continue our game, Julie replied, "I guess we need to call your sister and tell her that today you were the 'man.' She'd be so proud of you!" **Janet Parker** Texas **They Know Not What They Do** It was 1978, the spring before General Assembly [of the former UPC] met to hear the task force report on homosexuality. Members of our session sat around the table. Each was asked how he or she would vote if a gay or lesbian were proposed for membership in the congregation. A few were able to accept such membership; one felt such a person might be a Christian, but had doubts about ordination. One was adamantly opposed. As the pastor, I knew this was the fork in the road. Following the Assembly, I retired rather than openly admit my own sexuality (acknowledged late in life) and possibly embarrass or divide the congregation. Only my closest young friends knew what triggered my retirement. California **The Exact Nature of the Church's Wrongs** I joined the church in 1988, gay and schizophrenic, and entered a 12-step program in 1991. That year, I was nominated for deacon, but I became so nervous because of my homosexuality that I went off my medication. On February 2, 1992, I was ordained, and went home to bed and cried for an hour. On Valentine's Day eve, I "snapped" and walked six miles to my mother's house at midnight. My psychiatrist put me back on medication, and then I chose to do my 5th step with my minister. I told him that I still felt that the "exact nature of my wrongs" *was* homosexuality. He told me that the exact nature of *all* our wrongs is Original Sin, which is Selfishness. From then on, I felt better about myself and the church. **Eugene Godilo-Godlevsky** New York **Oh Lord, Help My Unbelief** I presented a request to the Session of Parkside Church to grant permission for a same-gender union ceremony. I described the service and a motion was made to approve the request. There were no questions and the motion was approved without question or comment. I began to wonder, "Do they know what they just approved?" I posed several questions about their decision when one of the most experienced members of the Session turned to the others, asking, "Do you get any questions about the gays who worship with us?" "No" was the unanimous response that came with comments indicating that they were welcomed and it was good that they were present. Suddenly I became aware of the insidious nature of homophobia. It sneaks up on you in the most unexpected ways. My anticipation of its presence prompted my disbelief at its absence. **Woody Carey** Wisconsin **Transdestination** As a transgendered member of the community, my presence often creates unique opportunities both in the community at large and in the church. The local Presbyterian churches recently completed their studies on the church and sexuality. I was part of a panel of people addressing a church on the lives and viewpoints of gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and the transgendered. Members of the church were having difficulty understanding the sexual orientation of a transgendered male- to-female. Finally, one woman spoke with sudden enlightenment, "Oh, so you're a lesbian." Although some have concerns about the impact of my participation in the church as an openly transgendered individual, I remain hopeful that this church can become my religious home. **Jacquelyn Richter** Wisconsin **Manna From Above** Rich, a gay person living with HIV/AIDS asked, "Is there a church that will have me?" I invited him to Westminster Presbyterian, the church I attend in Indianapolis. One of Rich's gifts were flowers and our poor-appearing neighborhood was so much more alive with a variety of blossoms. About six weeks before his death I invited Rich to our monthly PLGC meeting which meets at the church. Again he responded with a question, "I have bags of medicine to take at that time, can I bring them?" So Rich came with medication. In the midst of the meal he again asked if it was okay to medicate and I said "Sure." He moved the old Christian flag next to his chair and Mark, a heterosexual member, took a hanger from a coat rack and helped Rich get the bag of medication balanced on the flagstand and hanger and Rich was fed through his IV. All of us were glad that Rich could bring his medication to church. Thanks to Westminster, this will always serve as my picture of an inclusive church. **Howard Warren** Indiana **Lovely, Howie!** Not too long ago my parents took a trip to Israel on one of those group tours. At lunch one day a woman sitting next to them found out that my parents were also Presbyterian. She asked my father if he had ever been to the General Assembly meetings. My father responded by saying that he had attended several. The woman then remarked, "All they talk about at those meetings anymore are the gays." Being the parents of an out lesbian, they both just nodded. The woman then went on to inquire, "Do you know that Howie Warren?" My mother, being the very refined and polite woman she is, responded by saying, "Yes, my daughter was at his 60th birthday party a few months ago. She said it was lovely." The rest of the meal was very quiet. **Kris Bogren** Indiana **Love Thy Neighbor** People who don't recognize our allusion to the parable of the Good Samaritan have sometimes done amusing things with the title of Letha Scanzoni's and my book, *Is the Homosexual My Neighbor?* (1978; revised and vastly enlarged, 1994). *Is My Neighborhood Homosexual?* was one variant that would have fit well with Lynn Lavner's song called "That Festive Little Neighborhood" ("It must be something in the water ...."). But my favorite variant was *Is My Neighbor a Homosexual?* -- to which my usual reply would be, "Gee, I certainly hope so! We make *terrific* neighbors!" **Virginia Ramey Mollenkott** New Jersey **The Folks Next Door** In June of 1993 my sister Grace spent a week with Alvin and me. She arrived the day before Gay Pride. When we met her at the airport she gave me a hug, and then as she gave Alvin a hug, she said to him, "Hi, brother!" (Alvin was on cloud 9 the rest of the day!) Alvin and I were committed to marching in the parade with our PLGC contingent, and when I asked Grace what she wanted to do, she said she wanted to go with us. She opted to watch the parade rather than walk with us, as she said she wanted to see it all. And see it all she did -- in fact, when the parade was over and we went to rejoin her, she was very busy going from booth to booth at the Gay Pride Festival and gathering all sorts of literature and information. After she returned to California, she and I were talking on the phone and she was telling me that she had related many of the things we did while she was here to her family and friends, and that she told someone that Alvin and I were just like the folks next door. And then she said, "You know, that's not correct -- you *are* the folks next door." I think that simple statement says it all, because we all truly are the folks next door. I hope and pray for the glorious day when the rest of the world may in fact realize and accept this fact. **Darryl Fenley** Minnesota Submitted by Eleanor Dendy Mockridge with Darryl's permission. **Internal Matter** As a closeted gay intern in a local church, I found friends among several gay folk attending the congregation. I discovered that the pastor had met with and promised one of the gay folk ongoing concern and continued pastoral care. In the months that followed the minister never followed up by contacting the gay man. Eventually, righteous anger welled up in the gay parishioner, causing a confrontation with the minister about the lack of care. In an ironic turn of events, the minister arrived at my door, distraught over being confronted and asked what to do. A serendipitous moment presented itself for me to educate as well as extend grace to one who had not realized the enormity of his oversight -- and more broadly, to inform about the inclusion of lesbians and gay men in the Presbyterian Church. North Carolina **Kissmas** A gentleman that I was dating and I drove up to church for a concert at Christmastime and, before we got out of the car, we leaned over and had a rather wonderful kiss. When we opened the door and stepped out into the parking lot, there was the most old-fashioned member of the congregation standing there, who looked at us and said, "I caught you -- but don't worry, I won't tell anyone that you parked on the lawn." We barely contained our laughter. We had pulled on the lawn because it was frozen and there was no room left in the parking lot. We of course thought she had seen our kiss. **David Edelfelt** Illinois **A Child Shall Lead Them** My 10-year-old son, Jon, has grown up with parents who have gone out of their way to respond to his questions about any topics. We have discussed the diversity of gender relationships, and how commitments between people to love and support each other happen between people of the same sex. Jon has a sense of justice and fairness developing within him at a very young age. With all sincerity he has told us that he believes people of the same sex should be allowed to get married. The next generation may very well be our hope to come to accept and celebrate diversity without fear and trepidation! But it takes people in my generation to take time to discuss these important concerns and issues with our child. It takes people in my generation to accept and celebrate diversity without fear and trepidation! Jon has given me permission to send this to you. He wants you to know that, "You gotta take risks in your life, even if you might get beaten up. If you go around in life not taking risks, life would be boring. You gotta fight for what you believe in!" **Ruth Underdahl-Peirce** Kansas **Cleaning Up Homophobia** Two years ago one of the many groups to hold a regional meeting in Virginia Beach was a statewide coalition of advocates and activists for gays and lesbians in Virginia. The gathering was called "Queerfest '92." The organizers arranged an opportunity for conference participants to have Sunday brunch at the Founder's Inn, owned by Pat Robertson, czar of the Christian Broadcasting Network headquartered there. Robertson wanted a court injunction to keep Queerfest participants out of his restaurant, but CBN's legal counsel advised against it. So Robertson closed his entire 236-room hotel and restaurant for the day rather than allow any member of the gay and lesbian coalition to dine there. The week before Queerfest, the local Hampton Roads Lesbian and Gay Pride Coalition filed an application to Adopt-a-Highway with the state Department of Transportation. The two miles of road they chose to keep clean of litter borders the entire CBN complex, including the Founder's Inn. The sign acknowledging the Coalition's contribution has been vandalized repeatedly. After several were destroyed, the state refused to pay for new signs, so the coalition has agreed to foot the bill to replace old ones that have been spray-painted or removed. Sign or no sign, four times a year, Coalition volunteers in bright orange safety vests appear to clean up Pat Robertson's corner of Virginia Beach. After all, cleanliness is next to godliness. As one of the Queerfest organizers, Beth Freeman, said, "We will 'target' [Pat Robertson], not with violence but with truth. We'll use every peaceful means there is to counteract his power and his money." **Jo Clare Hartsig and Walter Wink** Adapted with permission from *Fellowship*, a magazine of peacemaking published by the Fellowship of Reconciliation New York **Just Because You're Paranoid Doesn't Mean** **They're Not Out to Get You** I was at a National Park Service gay and lesbian awareness seminar when I looked around the room and asked my gay friends, "I wonder how many here are straight?" One of my friends came back at me with, "It's hard to tell, isn't it?" He then added, in a conspiratorial tone, "Be careful, they're all around you!" **David Rice** California **Anything That Moves** When I read that the Bay Area Bisexual Network newsletter is named *Anything That Moves: Beyond the Myths of Bisexuality*, I recalled this experience: As a new college chaplain, I was pleased to see that the president of the school, to whom I reported, had decided to take a public stand against homophobia. His own life had been radicalized when the dean of students came out to him as a lesbian. The lesbigay student group, a pretty progressive bunch, discussed the president's language with me as he began to speak out. They wondered why he spoke only of lesbians and gay men! The next time I saw the president, I took on the issue of bisexuality, urging him to broaden his discourse at least to this extent. He stopped our conversation immediately, and, in his shock, forgetting to censure what came out of his mouth, said: "Not bisexuals! You know 'they''re after *every*one .... I couldn't include 'them'!" **Susan Halcomb Craig** Kentucky **The Best Qualified Candidate** Union Congregational United Church of Christ in Elk River, Minnesota, had not initiated formal conversations around the issue of homosexuality. The topic came into focus with some decidedly negative responses in 1989 when Spirit of the Lakes Church, a largely gay, lesbian, and bisexual congregation, was accepted into the Minnesota Conference of the United Church of Christ. Again, in 1992, when an openly gay seminarian interviewed for an internship position, the committee's response was, "No, the congregation is not ready." One year later the search committee evaluating Christian Education Director candidates found itself wrestling with the same question. This time the response was a deep breath, "Yes." It was a faith-based, Spirit-led "yes." There had been no sexuality education program or Open and Affirming forum [Open and Affirming in the UCC is a movement that parallels the More Light Church movement in the PC(USA).]. There had been careful and enthusiastic development of a new Christian Education Director job description expanding the vision and commitment of Union's educational ministries. The search committee, on behalf of the congregation, selected the best qualified candidate. In the words of a committee member, "We could not *not* hire the best qualified person simply because she was lesbian." On February 5, 1995, Union Church affirmed it's earlier call of Sandy Dodson as Director of Christian Education by changing her title to Minister of Christian Education. It was an emotional and historic day in the life of the congregation, a day following one year of experiencing a person, not a stereotype; of re-examining attitudes and beliefs; and trusting the 120-year-old faith community to be an able witness of diversity, disagreement, and ultimately, union in Christ. **Sandy Dodson** Minnesota Submitted by Eleanor Dendy Mockridge with Sandy's permission. **Partners in the Kingdom** Sometimes a person will manifest such an innate instinct for inclusiveness that I feel myself in the presence of the kingdom of God. Several years ago Debra and I were in Florida where I was speaking at a conference sponsored by the National Council of Churches. Someone introduced me to one of the male conference organizers, after which I introduced him to "my partner, Debra Morrison." Without missing a beat he drew his wife forward and said, "And I'd like you both to meet *my* partner, Aileen." It was our first time of being treated as absolutely equivalent, and later Debra and I commented to each other about how great this exchange made us feel. **Virginia Ramey Mollenkott** New Jersey **Pair-adise** At Methodist Hospital I did a deathbed Holy Union for two gay men that I love and journeyed with. Dan died and Art lived for two years. One day, when Art was very sick, I asked, "How do you see the next life?" Art said, "I will be sitting in a rocking chair on the porch of a log cabin looking at the mountains and ocean. The problem is that Dan thinks he will be in a high rise condo!" Then he added, "That's God's problem. It's God's job to bring us together forever.." **Howard Warren** Indiana **Cooking Things Up** At the memorial service for David Sindt in early January, 1987, at his home congregation in North St. Paul, Minnesota, we were sitting on the front rows as his family. A former pastor, Jim Cook, began his remarks by saying: "David Bailey Sindt was a self-affirming" -- oh my, I, his mother, started to cringe, and Jim continued -- "practicing" -- oh mercy, I was at the edge of the pew -- "out of the closet" -- I was practically beside myself as he concluded -- "Christian"! Jim certainly had gotten our attention! **Gus and Char Sindt** Minnesota **They Know Not Who We Are** My husband and I have a friend who is vitriolic in her dislike of homosexual people, and the way our church is even trying to study the issue. At our most recent wedding anniversary celebration, she was introduced to a young dancer at our local state ballet company. Both she and her husband attended a performance in which he danced, and visited with him backstage after the show. She could not stop talking about what a wonderful dancer and personable young man he is, how gracious he was when they went backstage. I had to listen for a long time to her enthusiasm for this young man. I was, and still am, very tempted to tell my homophobic friend that our dancer friend is a homosexual man. Will this pop her bubble about our friend, or will she stop to re-think her position? For the sake of the dancer I have so far decided to keep quiet, and just smile up my sleeve every time she raves about him. Am I perverse, devious, or just plain human? Middle America **Humbling the Powerful and Lifting the Lowly** During working sessions of the General Assembly's Task Force on Human Sexuality (1991), we were blessed by some wonderfully savvy feminists who would remind us periodically of the importance of open process and of storytelling for theological reflection. One of the more conservative white male pastors on the task force finally "got it" that theologizing and personal experience are intimately connected, so he proposed one afternoon that we share stories of how God's grace was at work in our lives. He began. "God's grace for me," he said, "has been most real in bringing me to my knees. Whenever I have been humbled and brought way down low, I know I have been encountered by God." A second male pastor, also white, followed and shared a very similar story. Then silence filled the room. Many of us looked down at our feet, coughed nervously, and shifted in our seats. Finally, a Hispanic member of the task force spoke. "As a man, I think I understand what you're saying," he said to the whole group, "but being humbled isn't my primary experience of God's grace in my life. No, as a matter of fact, it's just the opposite. As a member of a culturally despised and disempowered group in this society, I experience the power of God in being able to *lift my head and claim pride* in who I am and who my people are called to be. God allows me to *stand up and be counted* as real. God's grace moves me to claim my rights more fully, each and every day, against the odds." With that, the room began buzzing as women, people of color, and a few gay voices joined one another, saying, "That's my story, too." I was reminded that day of Mary's prophesy (Luke 1:46-55) and of the One who faithfully shared his mother's passionate call to strengthen the weak, invite the strong into unexpected places of solidarity, and create communities of co-equal disciples. **Marvin M. Ellison** Maine **Ears To Hear** Having made the decision to come out to a longtime friend, I nervously waited for the time to disclose my being gay as we lunched together. The conversation provided a moment for my revelation -- but the friend continued on with another train of thought until a few moments later when she said, "What did you say?" When she got it, she proved supportive, and we talked about this new-found discovery. North Carolina **Coming Out Begat Coming Out** Mother was the only person whom I had planned for sure not to tell about Ted's being gay. Why distress her in her advanced years? I did not care to cause her that pain. Besides, she and Ted live at opposite sides of our country and we live in the middle, quite a distance from each other. Two weeks before the family gathering at Thanksgiving, which Ted was unable to attend, I learned by chance from my cousin that Ted had written a coming out letter the previous September to my mother. During my last weekly telephone visit with Mother before her trip to our house, I mentioned Ted's letter and asked her how she reacted to it. "I'm not exactly wild about it. We'll talk about it when I am there with you," she said. She was exhausted from travel by the time her plane arrived. I waited and listened from the back seat as we drove her to our home. I did not want to bring up Ted at such a late hour. But she clearly asked that we give her an hour alone for private talk before any of the relatives arrived later in the week. My husband and I suggested lunchtime the next day. I dreaded having to sit through an hour-long discourse that I did not want to hear about loving the sinner but hating the sin. In the morning, to my surprise, she gave me a printed sermon that she heard a pastor preach recently in support of gays and lesbians. I did not know what to make of it. What would she say personally to us during the approaching hour about all of this? We ate lunch in a jovial mood, avoiding "the subject." Finally, knowing that my husband would be needing to leave to keep appointments if we didn't get started on the promised hour, I reminded mother of our moment to talk. She paused, pulled a few envelopes carefully from her pocket, and spoke quietly. "I've never shared this with even my closest friends," she started. "I have a boyfriend and I would like to tell you about him. Here are a few of his letters to me." **Virginia Rassier** Minnesota **Countersign** I had a sign made for the Stonewall '94 parade in New York City. I was not happy with the opening words because I felt they were too harsh, judgmental, yet felt called to use them. The sign read, "GOD, DAMN THE PRESBYTERIANS AND OTHER DENOMINATIONS WHEN THEY USE THE BIBLE AS A WEAPON RATHER THAN A WELCOME TO LESBIANS, GAYS, BISEXUALS, AND ALL THE LAVENDER PEOPLE." I arrived at the parade and began marching with PLGC. We passed a group of those hateful signs like "GOD SENT AIDS TO KILL FAGS." Then I realized that my sign was not for those watching but for those marching. I then stood for the next five hours at the corner of 57th and Fifth Ave, holding my sign for marchers to read. Many of the marchers would look at my sign with hostility and I would pray, "continue to read"; many of them would and soon smile, nudge, call out to others to read it. Whole groups would shout "thank you" or give the hearing- impaired sign for "I love you." Several groups, like one of the transexual groups, put their signs down, came over and hugged me as they said, "We are so left out, we need to hear that." Later, the sign got me requested to appear before a presbytery committee, since a member of that committee was insulted by its message. I explained the background of the sign. A presbytery staff person said that they received two calls from folks very upset and hurt by the sign -- after all, this presbytery had created a safe place for me to work. I did not respond. A clergy member of the committee said, "You said two people were upset by the signs. My wife and I have a 29-year- old gay son we love very much and are very proud of. Can you imagine how hurt we are about the harmful, insulting language the church uses about our son, who was raised in this church? We have been hurt since the mid-70's and these two people are hurt by one sign. A moving silence fell over the committee, ending further discussion. **Howard Warren** Indiana **Genderful** New York, April 7-8. -- Honduras has been holding up the United Nations preparatory conference for the Fourth World Conference on Women in Beijing in September, 1995. The Honduran representatives have bracketed all three-hundred- plus references to the word "gender" in the UN document and want to replace it with "sex." Why? Because they say there are five genders: male, female, homosexual, bisexual, and transgender. **Office of the Presbyterian Church at the U.N.** New York **A Prayer at the Door** Early one Sunday morning I arrived at the church I pastor and found a note pushed under my office door. It reported that there had been an attempted break-in during the early morning hours, but that four gang members had been apprehended a block away. The note was written by an eyewitness. The eyewitness was walking home from the nearby hospital around 1:30 in the morning. His lover had just died of complications from AIDS, and the church happened to be on Mike's walking route home. Grief-stricken and deeply lonely, Mike stopped at the church to say prayers for his lover and for himself. Naturally, the doors at that time of night were secured. So Mike simply stood there before the locked church doors and prayed his heart and soul out to the God whom he knew was outside locked doors. After taking his leave, he turned, hearing noises from the doorway he'd just left. Shocked, he saw four young men attempting to force the doors of the church open, but to no avail. He started shouting for help, and a neighbor called 911. In the meantime, adding insult to injury, he was struck in the face by one of the youths. He came to early morning worship at 8:30, sitting at the back of the chapel. After the service, he introduced himself to me and offered the details of his story. Our church was able to offer him much needed support. Our churches exist to stand by such souls. But, all too often, the doors are closed securely in their faces and we "on the inside" go on unaware of their need. I am thankful our Good Samaritan returned when the doors finally opened. My prayer from the other side of the door is for the grace and strength to always keep them open. **James Boline** California **A Church Ahead of Technology** We are a gay family in the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.): a bright, beautiful, assertive and self-assured young daughter and her two middle-aged, proud, professional papas. We attend a large, growing, exciting, and inclusive congregation. Our family participates in many ways in its worship and life along with many other diverse American and international families, striving to be the church in the world. Both dads are active members, attend Sunday School, serve on committees, and our little girl also attends Sunday School, sings in the choir, and collects her dimes and nickels for One Great Hour of Sharing. There has been little or no problem for our local church including our unique family in each and every way -- except one. Last year, we asked the church to save itself time and money by not sending two identical newsletters and other mailings to our home. After a few months of continuing to receive two of everything, we again raised the issue. We were told by the staff that they were trying to put us all together on the mailing list, but they had run into a problem with their software program -- it would not accept a "Mr. & Mr." as a couple on the same mailing label! The church called the makers of the "sophisticated" software, who were unable to resolve the dilemma, explaining, "We were not aware of this kind of situation." The computer software industry may be lagging behind, but not our local church!" New Jersey **By Any Other Name** A touching thing happened to a lesbian friend last week. Joanne (not her real name) works at a home for adults with mental disabilities. Her partner came to the home to see her and the residents wanted to be introduced. Joanne was not sure how to explain their relationship to people with limited understanding, so she talked about their being good friends who live together. The people in the home may have their limitations, but they are amazingly perceptive and completely without societal prejudice. This became clear when the young man who had asked about their relationship responded by saying, "Oh, you mean she's your woman-husband!" **Jeanne Welles** Oregon **Perrysh the Thought!** Many years ago, MCC Philadelphia was in the midst of a bruising church fight. The Rev. Troy Perry, the founder and moderator of the UFMCC was asked to enter the fray. In order to arm him with the needed authority, he was temporarily named pastor of the congregation. In retrospect, it is clear to everyone that some very directive therapy was called for. There came a day when a congregational meeting was called and the chair (Troy) was perceived as ruling with a fairly heavy hand. In the midst of that, Barbara Gittings, a local activist (Chair of the Roundtable of Gay/Lesbian Concerns for the American Library Association), who is viewed as Philadelphia's Oldest Living Lesbian Activist -- not a member of the congregation but a concerned member of the community -- called Troy a Neanderthal. Some years later, during my pastorate of that church, I had occasion to ask her if she had really called Rev. Perry a "Neanderthal." Her quick reply was, "Of course not, I wouldn't do that." But a year later, I asked her, "Barbara, was it in this room that you called Troy a 'Neanderthal'?" "No," she said, "It was in that other room!" **Joseph Gilbert** Los Angeles **McCompassion** Perhaps the most profound manifestation of God's love I've ever experienced came during the final days of my lover's life. John was my spouse and companion for nearly 12 years, and when his AIDS had progressed to the final stage, John's desire was to be at home. I was caring for him virtually alone -- there was no hospice willing or able to care for him, and I was putting in 16-hour days, devoting myself exclusively to his care. I was exhausted and near collapse myself. One afternoon, when I was particularly frazzled, the doorbell rang. It was a woman from my church -- and to this day, I really and truly don't remember *who* exactly -- but she was standing there. She held out a small brown McDonald's bag and said, "I know you're very busy, but I thought you might be hungry, so I brought you a hamburger." And she turned and left. I sat down in the middle of the floor and cried. Never before had Christianity and God's love been so pure, so distilled. And a simple brown paper bag with a Big Mac inside gave me the greatest lesson I ever had, that God loves me *specifically*, and that everything would work out all right. And you know, it eventually *did*. **David Ice** Arizona **Signs of the Kingdom** Following the inaugural parade of President Clinton in 1993, I returned to the elevator with signs I had carried. One of the three older women on the elevator asked me what the signs said. I showed them. They both were gay/lesbian/bisexual civil rights signs. There was dead silence until I got off the elevator. When the door shut, a voice said, "You had to open your big mouth, Maude!" **Howard Warren** Indiana **That Reminds Me II** At the Presbyterian Women's gathering in Ames, Iowa, this past summer, Bob Lodwick and I were stuck between floors in an elevator with a dozen other Presbyterians. Bob used the occasion to announce my booksigning of *Coming Out to God* the next day. "Oh, what's it about?" they cheerily asked -- and of course, I had to explain. I joked to Bob, "Maybe we should sing 'Kum ba yah.'" Without missing a beat, he started us singing it, including a verse, "Someone's stuck, my Lord, kum ba yah." **Chris Glaser** Georgia **Principal Marching for Principle** It was October, 1979, the year following the infamous General Assembly in San Diego, to which I had been a commissioner. I had heard of a planned March on Washington for Gay and Lesbian Rights, and I decided to participate. After all, hadn't the 1978 Assembly passed a recommendation that Presbyterians should work for "civil rights for homosexuals"? At the place of gathering in D.C., I spotted a banner for Presbyterians for Gay Concerns (the name of PLGC at that time). I joined the group and, for a time, carried the banner along with Sandy Brawders. We were behind the Methodist Affirmation marchers. As we proceeded along Constitution Avenue, two men came running up to join the end of the Methodist group. I said to Sandy, "One of those men is the part-time music teacher at the school where I am the principal. Wait 'til he sees me!" When he did look our way, I finally called out to him by name. He turned around and nearly had a heart attack! He sputtered to his friend, "Tha-tha-that's one of my principals!" I looked him in the eyes and said, "We are everywhere!" **Rosemarie Wallace** Arizona **Southern Grace** On a summer's day on a front porch in the South, I talked with a poor house painter about God and how God works in the world. Not knowing that I was gay, he shared his struggle in the years of racial segregation and prejudice. Then he said, "You know, we are all children of God. It doesn't matter about the other conditions -- God came to save us all." In a brief moment, I heard grace, I heard the gospel preached on a front porch. North Carolina **A 'Mom and Pop' Organization** In May, 1994, the More Light Church Conference in Minneapolis celebrated twenty years of PLGC. Many wonderful people were here from all over the country, one of whom was Janie Spahr. My husband, Gus, and I were delighted to be invited to sit at the head table for the luncheon. Janie had considerable input as far as the agenda was concerned, and, as the program was reaching its conclusion, she called out: "Gus and Char Sindt, come up here!" In a state of shock, Gus and I responded, wondering what was going on! Janie was most kind as she recalled the days of the beginning of PLGC and the place our son, David Bailey Sindt, had in the organizing of it. Janie then proceeded to read letters from dear personal friends who could not be there: Diana Vezmar-Bailey, Lisa Bove, and Dan Smith. It was truly exciting. With a wide grin all over her face, Janie pulled out a big sack and opened it to display two sweatshirts designed especially for us. On the front of one was the name, Gus, and the other, Char. Below each name was a large purple iris! Below that, one read, "Our PLGC Pop," the other, "Our PLGC Mom." On the back of each was "Happy 20 Years!" Two weeks later we delightedly wore those shirts at the American Iris Society Convention in Portland, Oregon. Several people asked us what PLGC meant, and we *told* them. How proud we were -- and are! **Char Sindt** Minnesota **Miss Cue** When Metropolitan Community Church of Boston was being chartered, clergy from all over the country gathered to help them celebrate the moment. It was rather like an early Methodist Brush Arbor meeting. The Sunday afternoon worship was to include a celebration of Holy Communion and, to mark the occasion, a very special bottle of vintage wine was given to them, corked, but with no corkscrew on the premises, requiring use of a knife to carve out the cork. The communion ware was three old apple green Depression Glass goblets and three heavy white hotel-ware saucers. Now it was the practice, in that congregation at that time, to sing the *Gloria* immediately following the Words of Institution over the cup. The words, "Do this in memory of me" would be the cue to Grove, the organist, to crash into the music of the *Gloria*. But the organist was asleep at the switch in the Saturday evening service. So, pastor Larry Bernier, from behind the altar, put a hand firmly on one hip and called out, "Grove, honey!" And then we sang the *Gloria*. The next day, Sunday, was a beautiful day, and, for us, rich with anticipation. The Rev. Troy D. Perry, Founder and Moderator of the UFMCC, was to be the principal celebrant. But, whereas it was Rev. Bernier's practice to say the words "Do this in memory of me" only over the cup, it was Rev. Perry's to say them over both species. And, of course, Grove, the organist, was not about to be asleep at the switch two days running. So, as soon as Rev. Perry said, "Do this in memory of me," for what would have been the first of two times, down on the keyboard came Grove's very talented handspan. At which point, Rev. Bernier plunked his other hand on his other hip and called out, "Grove, honey, not yet!!" Rev. Perry was so overcome he turned around and faced away from the congregation and toward the elements -- where he was faced by bits of cork floating in this grand and glorious vintage wine. And that produced such a reaction that those of us who saw it all might still be sitting there laughing with Jesus if there hadn't been a dismissal at the end of the service. Aren't we glad that God has a sense of humor? **Joseph Gilbert** Los Angeles **Altar Call** A church that I formerly served invited me to preach on "The Church Has HIV/AIDS." After the benediction and while the choir was singing, a woman walked down the center aisle, a response not common in that church. I didn't know her, but welcomed her into my arms. She said, "Now that our church has let you preach, I can tell them that my son was gay and died of AIDS two years ago." **Howard Warren** Indiana **(Psst! Happy Anniversary!)** Several years ago, I arrived in my present community as the new pastor of a Presbyterian congregation. After preaching and speaking for a year on the inclusivity of God's love, a member of the congregation scheduled an appointment with me. When she came to my office, our conversation was stilted, bouncing around various topics. I was a bit uncertain about the purpose of this meeting. Finally, she told me that she was a lesbian; she and her mate had been together for several years. Her nervous talk came from her inexperience of sharing her real story with someone else, especially a clergyperson. Yet, she became more relaxed as she uncovered herself from the protective layers which had to be carried professionally and socially. In the conversation, she told me of her and her partner's anniversary date. I'm a person who catalogues these little bits of information for later use. Months went by before one Sunday morning, when I remembered, "It's their anniversary today!" as I saw them in their regular pew during worship. Standing at the door greeting people afterward, out of the corner of my eye I caught the couple approaching me. As I embraced the first one to reach me and looked over her shoulder to her mate, I exclaimed, "Happy anniversary!" The look of surprise on one's face was matched by the intensity of the embrace of the other; these matched my "Oops!" as I quickly scanned the room. Fortunately, the buzz of the congregation had covered my congratulations. The radiant beams from a couple of smiles and the couples' smile dispelled any shadowy fears. Grace and peace abounded! Oklahoma **Missed Translation** During the debate on the ordination of lesbians and gay men in the late 70's, I was invited to speak to many congregations about the scriptures and homosexuality. During the question-and-answer period following one such presentation, a woman asked me to turn to Luke 17:34-35, as if these verses had something to do with homosexuality. In the text, Jesus is talking about the end times, and says, "Two men shall be sleeping in one bed; one shall be taken and the other not; two women shall be grinding in the field; one shall be taken and the other not." After I read this aloud, I assumed she thought the two men sleeping in one bed was a reference to homosexuality, but I decided to play dumb. "There's nothing about homosexuality here," I said. She responded, "You mean to tell me that 'two women *grinding* in the field' isn't about homosexuality?" The audience roared with laughter, and the minister rose to his feet to explain that "grinding" didn't mean "that" *then*! **Chris Glaser** Georgia **"Be-e-e He-al-ed!"** My lover and I were quite impressed by the church's new minister. Following his first official Sunday sermon, he sought us out to give him the inside scoop on gays in the church. We met him for lunch later in the week and found that what he lacked in knowledge he made up for in supportiveness. We invited him to PLGC meetings, but didn't expect him anytime soon, since he and his wife were still moving into their new house and expecting their second child within the month. After church the next Sunday, he asked how we were doing. My lover described to him a work injury (later diagnosed as a hernia) as a recurring pain in his groin. Without hesitation, the minister remarked, "Sounds like what you need is a little laying on of hands." I was still slightly stunned when he turned to me and said with a wink, "I'll bet *you* can handle that better than Ernest Angsley." **Miles Doane** Ohio **G.A. Blues** I remember a General Assembly (one of many which blur together in my mind) when, after a long, exhausting day, some of us from PLGC were sitting around in someone's hotel room feeling a bit discouraged. Laughter dispelled the gloom when Chris Glaser walked in and promptly collapsed to the floor, saying, "I'm fagged, if you'll excuse the expression." **Jeanne Welles** Oregon **Hands-Off Ministry** I was interviewing for the position of Associate Minister at Park Avenue Christian Church in New York City, and learned this story after the fact. One member of the search committee, an older and stalwart member of the congregation, noted with some concern that I had put my arm around my partner during the morning worship service. She went to great pains to tell the other members of the committee that she wasn't discriminating against gay people, but thought that any display of affection during worship would not be appropriate. She was caught up short when another committee member pointed out that only a few pews behind Craig and me were a man and a woman with their arms around each other. She had been so concerned about our "impropriety" that she never noticed the other couple! I received a unanimous vote from the committee, and she has since become an avid supporter. **Allen Harris** New York **Don't Underestimate Parents!** Many years ago, there was a small, informal gathering of Presbyterian clergy of Chicago Presbytery. As the conversation proceeded, discussion turned to the subject of homosexuality, and, more specifically, a young pastor who was identified as homosexual, and personal opinions began to emerge. One in the group posed the question, "I wonder what his parents would think if they knew!" A clergyperson formerly from Chicago, Jim Cook, now from Twin Cities Area Presbytery, responded, "That's an interesting question. I'll have to ask them; they're in my congregation!" Jim could hardly wait to tell us, the "parents" in question! **Char Sindt** Minnesota **We Know Not What We Do** Confirmation of the importance of a ministry of presence as an openly lesbian or gay Christian is evident in the story of a teenager who attended a workshop on gay/lesbian Lutherans held in conjunction with the Lutheran Church in America convention in Milwaukee (1986). Gay and lesbian visitors and delegates at the convention held an evening workshop about our involvement with Lutherans Concerned/North America and our home congregations. Several young people attended our workshop as observers from the Youth Convocation held in conjunction with the convention. Four years later, visiting a Sunday morning worship service of St. Francis Lutheran Church, San Francisco, I was surprised by the greeting of someone who obviously knew me, but whom I did not recognize. Jeff introduced himself and thanked me tearfully for my witness to him four years earlier. Jeff indicated that he knew as a teen that he was gay, but had thought there was no place for him in the church. What he learned from me and others at the workshop was that there is no need for him to give up the church of his childhood and of his family. Lesbian and gay Christians need to hear that we, too, are God's children, called to live our lives as people of faith in the midst of our faith communities. Family members and friends are in need of the same welcoming message of Jesus Christ that they, too, are among the flock of this Shepherd. So, don't forget that your presence as an openly lesbian/gay person of faith is important. Just be you and show up often at your church's events. You do make a difference! **Anita Hill** Minnesota **The Hem of His Garment** Bishop William Boyd Grove, chair of one of the many dialogues between the National Council of Churches and the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches, told me in one of our committee meetings that he thinks homosexuality, as an issue, is like the little thread dangling from the lining of his coat. It doesn't look like such a big deal by itself, but he hears his wife saying, "Whatever you do, don't pull that thread!" Because, if he does, the whole lining of his coat will fall out! Church leaders instinctively know, perhaps, that the issue of homosexuality is only the most visible issue in a connective thread of issues about human sexuality that the church cannot bear to see unravel. **Nancy Wilson** >From *Our Tribe: A Lesbian Ecu-Terrorist Outs the Bible for the Queer Millenium* (HarperSanFrancisco, October, 1995) California **Lesbyterians** In Madison, Wisconsin, a conservative congregation, not Presbyterian, disbanded after internal conflicts. Some of its members began attending Parkside Presbyterian Church, where I was pastor. I made arrangements to visit one couple from the other church to explore membership in ours. When I arrived, I was surprised to find all eight of the former members then attending Parkside gathered in their living room. One older gentleman was seated in an upright chair with a huge, pulpit-sized Bible resting on his lap. I thought, "Oh-oh, this is going to be different than I thought." We had a good conversation discussing Presbyterian history, theology, and government. Finally, an older gentleman who not been much involved in the conversation posed the question, "Well, what do you think about all these gays and lispians?" I was tempted to respond that we had some gays attending our congregation, but none of them had speech problems. Instead, I spoke about the openness of our congregation and its commitment to diversity and inclusiveness. They apparently decided not to be included in our diversity. **Woody Carey** Wisconsin **Of Wives and Lovers** Country Western dancing had grown quite popular in our city's lesbian/gay community. So, for our PLGC chapter's anniversary, we invited a local Country Western group to celebrate with us, teach us a few steps, and do some dancing. As we paired off, preparing for the first lesson, the caller explained how it can be hazardous to a relationship if a couple learning to dance attempts it together. Not realizing that we were a mixed group (hets and homs), he asked the crowd, "Is anyone here with their lover?" A minister from our group raised his hand. "Is that him?" the caller asked, pointing to the hunky guy in his arms. "No," replied the minister, "She's over there with the big blonde in plaid flannel." His wife beamed as we all laughed and learned something new about the power of labels and their potential for redefining our relationships. **Miles Doane** Ohio **Overheard at Coffee Hour** A friend who is a minister preached a sermon on homosexuality. Afterward, she overheard two older women during coffee hour discussing homophobia, and one of them said, "I'm not sure I really caught what 'homophobia' is, did you?" To which the other quickly responded, "Oh yes, that's fear of the home, you know." The same minister told of a lesbian couple who had joined the church and were introduced as partners in the reception of new members during the worship service. Later, a member was overheard exclaiming to another, "I didn't know Jan and Karen were in business together!" **Sylvia Thorson-Smith** Iowa **Opening Doors for Others** One of the initial concerns of the congregation after I was hired to serve as Associate Minister was what effect my being openly gay would have on the day school, which provides a significant portion of income for our church. One morning, our receptionist noted a day school parent reading an article which had been placed on the bulletin board. The article, in which I was quoted, was from *The Advocate*, a national lesbian and gay newsmagazine. She walked over and began to discuss it with the receptionist, who was more than a bit anxious at this point. By conversation's end, however, it became clear that the parent wasn't upset by the congregation's openness about its gay pastor, but rather, excited by the possibilities it presented. As a disenchanted Catholic, married to a man, with three children, she recognized that she, too, might be accepted and affirmed by this progressive congregation. They joined the church and are now in leadership positions. So much for scaring away parents! **Allen Harris** New York **That Reminds Me III** Asked to preach a gay-positive sermon at St. Luke's Presbyterian Church in Wayzata, Minnesota, I was a bit surprised to directly follow in the liturgy the reception of six young heterosexual families with small children. When I afterward expressed my reservation about hitting the subject of homosexuality so strongly, given the context, one of the pastors told me not to worry. Two of the families joining that morning had left another downtown church because it fired a pastor for being lesbian. These families were looking for a more open environment in which to rear their children. **Chris Glaser** Georgia **How Things Have Changed!** The Presbyterian Church did not seem to have a place for me, though I had grown up in the Pasadena Presbyterian Church (PPC) and been recommended for the ministry by its pastor then, Dr. Gance Little. Some years later I noticed that PPC was holding a panel discussion on the Presbyterian task force report on homosexuality, featuring the return of Dr. Little. Well, this was a surprise, so I attended. Remembering the attitude of the church and being unsure of its new attitude, I picked a spot toward the back of Fellowship Hall. I was quite taken by a handsome minister who apparently had a gay congregation in Hollywood. I didn't catch his name at the time. Later, I thought I should find out if there was a place for me in the church, so I called PPC to find out who the other speaker was and how to reach him. Another surprise -- I was put through immediately to the senior PPC minister, even though he was in a meeting. Both he and the secretary thought that I was a well-known homophobic minister who happens to have the same name as I do. The pastor was perplexed and distrustful as to why "I" would want Chris Glaser's name and telephone number! California **Sweet Revenge is Mine, Saith the Lord** I was upset in 1988 that my local church went against the recently passed national church ruling that gays and lesbians could be considered for ordination in the United Church of Canada. My congregation was pressured to pass a clearly anti-gay motion that it would never hire anyone who was not either married or *chaste* single. As an executive board member, I left the church in protest, and let them know I would never enter the church again while that ruling remained. I have been quite happy in another church since then. However, I must admit to a certain elation recently on finding that their motion seems to have failed them. Why? Unbeknown to them, their newly appointed (and popular) minister is a lesbian! Canada **Trying On Labels** My lover, Suzanne, is @B@out@B@. Even people who are already out, get around Suzanne and get *outer*. One of the things she was glad to leave behind when she quit her grocery checking job to go full-time into ministry with the gay and lesbian community, were the "secret shoppers" her store would send around. They were people from management who would pose as difficult or irate customers to see how they were treated. Although she tried to treat everyone with respect, it was a supervision tool she felt was underhanded. On our first trip across the U.S., we stopped to shop for clothes in Paducah, Kentucky. From the moment we walked in, the clerk had attitude that seemed to say, "We don't do queers in Kentucky." I tried not to take it personally until she blocked our way to try things on, saying, "I have *separate* dressing rooms for the two of you!" I was aghast, but Suzanne never missed a beat. "Oh, that's all right, we only need one," and marched right in. I slinked in behind her and when Suzanne went out to get a different color, the woman tried again. "So what *are* you -- sisters? friends? family members?" I could hear Suzanne's reply over the door. "Oh no, I'm her *lover*." The woman disappeared in silence for the next 45 minutes. When we went out to the register to pay, she finally emerged. But this time she was all smiles. Instead of glaring over our heads, she met our eyes with a grin. Suzanne's honesty *is* disarming, but I could not imagine what had changed the woman this much in 45 minutes. Then, as she handed Suzanne her change, the clerk said in a conspiratorial whisper, "I *know* who you are." Suzanne looked puzzled, "I beg your pardon?" "I know who you are," the clerk repeated. "You're those '*secret shoppers*,' aren't you?" People are just endlessly fascinating, aren't they? This woman just did not have a category or label for us, so she *created* one. **Marsha Stevens** California **Lord of the Dance** Once upon a General Assembly, far back in early times, the late 70's or early 80's, there was one particular YAD (Youth Advisory Delegate) who was adamantly and vociferously opposed to anything that PLGC might have to say. She even led a movement to prohibit PLGC representatives from speaking to the YAD group during their talk-back sessions. Then, that Saturday night, as Witherspooners are wont to PARTY, there was the usual G.A. party sponsored by the Witherspoon Society featuring a "live band" when there were such things. Everyone was dancing and having a great time. Even that particular YAD had the good sense to relax and let go. And then it happened -- two PLGC members, both male, S-L-O-W dancing, *together*! (Me and Keith Herschberger, who was wearing a skirt.) That particular YAD was so moved by seeing two men enjoying life, sharing love, in the act of dancing, that her whole attitude change. In that one moment of revelation she understood what it was we wanted in life and from the church. That YAD then went to the whole group of YADs and mounted a revolution for all relevant votes during that G.A! **Rodger Wilson** Texas **But the Greatest of These Is Love** Every Sunday, when Ken (Martin) or Wendy (Foxworth) looked out over that little crowd [MCC in the Valley, Los Angeles] and dared to proclaim that God loved gay and lesbian people without reservation, I always cried. I didn't understand it. Then one morning, at the door, when I asked Ken why he never preached about sin or judgment, but only about God's love and grace, he smiled and answered without hesitation, "The people who come to this church have heard enough about sin and judgment. It's time they heard about love for a change." **Mel White** >From *Stranger at the Gate: To Be Gay and Christian in America*, p. 214. Used by permission. Submitted by E. Richard Brown of California.