Date: Wed, 15 Jul 1998 14:36:55 -0400 From: communications@pflag.org (PFLAG Communications) Subject: CALL TO ACTION CALL TO ACTION FROM PFLAG As you may be aware, several "Ex-Gay Movement" groups placed full-page advertisements in major newspapers this week. The right-wing ad campaign is the latest in a series of on-going attacks directed against gay Americans by religious political activists. In the first right-wing ad, which appeared in Monday's edition of the New York Times, a woman claimed she was made gay because she was molested and later became heterosexual by finding God. A similar ad appeared in the Washington Post on Tuesday, and another appears today in USA Today. The campaign is sponsored by 15 organizations representing religious political activists including the Family Research Council, the American Family Association and the Christian Coalition. PFLAG, in coalition with 11 other g/l/b/t organizations and foundations, is running a full-page ad in today's edition of USA Today. This Family Values ad highlights a Minneapolis PFLAG family who loves and supports their lesbian daughter. Given the tremendous media interest in these ads, a great opportunity now exists for PFLAG members to proactively contact or serve as a resource to local media covering the controversy. To aid you in this work, included are the following: - Fact Sheet on "Reparative" Therapy or "Ex-Gay" Ministries - Text of the anti-gay advertisement - Text of the Family Values advertisement - Letter to Editor by PFLAG Executive Director Kirsten Kingdon The following resources are also available from the PFLAG national office: - American Psychological Association's "Answers to Your Questions About Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality" - Information debunking the flawed statistics of Paul Cameron, whose "research" is often used by radical right groups Because we love and support our g/l/b/t family and friends, it is important to recognize the political context of these anti-gay ads. This is an election year, and federal legislation to provide equal rights to g/l/b/t citizens -- regarding hate crimes protections, or employment discrimination -- is currently pending in Congress. It is politically expedient for anti-gay groups to frame discussion of our g/l/b/t loved ones in terms of "choices," "therapy" and "sin," when what is really at issue are discrimination, civil rights and equal rights. Remember that simply speaking up about our own positive family experiences powerfully illustrates the real meaning of family values. Should you have any questions, please contact your Field Associate at 202-638-4200 or by email at info@pflag.org. Please also let us know if you are contacted by media. Thank you for all you do for PFLAG! ***************************************** FACT SHEET: "REPARATIVE" THERAPY OR "EX-GAY" MINISTRIES "Reparative" Therapy or "Ex-Gay" Ministries Ex-gay ministries use out-moded medical theories and radical religious beliefs to justify trying to alter gay and lesbian people's natural sexual orientation. Ex-gay ministries believe three main things: * they are called to love gay and lesbian people "struggling with sexual orientation"; * homosexual orientation is chosen or is the result of bad childhood experiences; and * they cannot condone this "sinful" behavior, and therefore "cannot accept their gay, lesbian and bi-sexual family members." (P-FOX website) "Ex-gay ministries believe that homosexuality is not innate and is treatable through the combination of sound Christian psychological teachings and therapy." (P-FOX) How can Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays respond to so-called "reparative therapy" and the Ex-Gay movement? Many PFLAG parents have seen first-hand how damaging this "therapy" has been to their children. It is important that we recognize and educate based on facts and reputable professional opinions. Facts on "reparative therapy": * Sexual orientation is not a disease. In 1973, the American Psychiatric Association removed the term "homosexuality" from its list of mental and emotional disorders. Therefore, it does not need to be cured. * "Reparative therapy" doesn't work. In 1990, the American Psychological Association stated that scientific evidence does not show that conversion therapy works and that it can do more harm than good. * According to the American Medical Association, "most of the emotional disturbance experienced by gay men and lesbians around their sexual identity is not based on physiological causes but rather is due more to a sense of alienation in an un-accepting environment. For this reason, aversion therapy (reparative therapy) is no longer recommended for gay men and lesbians." When responding to questions on "reparative therapy," it is important that we empathize with members of the ex-gay movement, as well as their families, because they all are the victims of misinformation. Religious Beliefs It is important to let people know, however, that many religious leaders see sexual orientation - heterosexual or homosexual - as a gift from God. Moral sexual behavior is neither limited to nor necessarily true of heterosexual people. Lastly, it is important to affirm the mission of PFLAG: * To support our gay, lesbian and bisexual children, family members and friends and promote their health and well being. * To educate others about the facts on homosexuality and the negative and divisive effects that misinformation has on gay, lesbian and bisexual people and society. * To advocate to end discrimination and to secure equal rights. Groups that advocate for "reparative therapy." Exodus International Exodus International is a Christian referral and resource network founded in 1976. Its primary purpose is to "proclaim that freedom from homosexuality is possible through repentance and faith in Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord." (Exodus website) This "therapy" is based on the out moded idea that homosexuality is an illness and the narrow belief of some religions that homosexuality is a sin. Exodus has never produced any success rates. They can only estimate that about half the men who complete their program remain out of homosexuality after five years. In fact, the efficacy of a "cure" has been called into question by many gays who have gone through the Exodus program. Perhaps the most famous "former ex-gays" are Michael Bussee and Gary Cooper, who were instrumental in establishing Exodus International in 1976. Ironically, the more they worked together, the more they found themselves falling in love. They realized that the ministry was damaging more people than it was helping. With many people who had gone through the ministry either attempting suicide or becoming clinically depressed, Bussee and Cooper realized they had to speak out about the "ex-gay" ministries. "After dealing with hundreds of people," Bussee concludes, he and his lover hadn't "met one who went from gay to straight. Even if you manage to alter someone's sexual behavior, you cannot change their true sexual orientation." P-FOX P-FOX is a national organization founded in 1995, largely in response to the powerful and positive message of PFLAG. Although P-FOX is not affiliated with any of the established ex-gay ministries, it works closely with these groups and draws many resources from them. Anthony Falzarano Former director of Transformation Ex-Gay Ministries in Washington, DC, Falzarano believes that he was "cured" of homosexuality. He is currently the National Director of P-FOX. He feels P-FOX needs to answer to the lies of PFLAG. Paul Cameron In order to respond to the statistics used by Falzarano and other anti-gay leaders, it is important to know more about their sources. Dr. Paul Cameron is the man behind the false statistics used by the radical right. He is responsible for such statistics as "the average life span of a homosexual is 39 years old." However, his statistics have never been accepted by any mainstream psychological, psychiatric, epidemiological or sociological organizations. Dr. Cameron was: * expelled from membership of the American Psychological Association in 1983 for employing "unsound methodologies and breaching the code of ethics"; and * censured by the Nebraska Psychological Association, American Sociological Association and the Midwest Sociological Society. (Log Cabin Republican briefing paper, 1994) Conclusion It is critical that we present our perspective about "reparative therapy" and "ex-gays" in our local communities, whether in the media or in conversation. The damage that can be done by reparative therapy is real. It can destroy someone's self esteem and faith and may lead to self-destructive behavior. It is important that we provide the truth about gay, lesbian and bisexual people and the positive contributions that they make to our communities, the country and the world. ***************************************** ANTI-GAY AD, RUN IN THE NEW YORK TIMES, Monday, 7/13/98 Toward hope and healing for homosexuals. Anne Paulk - wife, mother, former lesbian: I'm living proof that Truth can set you free. "Recently serveral prominent people like Trent Lott, Reggie White, and Angie and Debbie Winans have spoken out on homosecuality... calling it a sin. When I was living as a lesbian I didn't like hearing words like that... until I realized that God's love was truly meant for me." One boy's sin and the making of a lesbian "I was four years old when a teenage boy molested me. When he warned me not to say a thing, I went silent. But as I grew, the pain wouldn't stay quiet. It would shout when I made male friends. It laughed when I tried to feel pretty. It told me I was unlovable. But saddest of all, when I wanted to turn to my parents to make everything all right -- it wouldn't let me tell them why." Being a woman became a mystery "By the time I hit my teens I was rough... my heart cold. I believed being 'feminine' meant being weak and vulnerable... so looking and dressing hard felt right. I had so thoroughly rejected my own femininity that, even though I had a lot of male friends, I just wasn't attracted to men sexually. I became drawn to other women who had what I felt was missing in me. But the pain inside kept yelling." There's a God-shaped hole in everyone's heart. "My sexual attraction to women blossomed in college, and after a gay counselor affirmed my fellings I joined the camput gay/lesbian group. But it was in the course of those group meetings that I knew something was still missing. While I longed for a female life-partner, I knew it just wouldn't work. That's when i went home and prayed, "God, please show me who You are, and fill the void in my heart." Knock and He'll answer. But the next step is still yours. "Change didn't come overnight. Within six months I'd made a firm decision to forsake homosexuality, but I still had sexual desires for women. Even though I filled my days with Christian activity, I fell back into a relationship with someone who quickly became my priority in life, over work, over family and friends... over God. By now the pain inside was throbbing, and my delight eroded into conviction, deception and emotional instability. Once God answers he never hangs up. "I knew I was running from God, and one day just put it to him: "Lord, You know that I really enjoy this lifestyle, but I want You to be my first love. I need Your help. I need You to change my heart." Shortly after that prayer, I met a Christian woman, a former lesbian, who listened patiently to my story and led me to a ministry helping people overcome homosexuality. Because they loved me without judgement [sic], I was able to finally give all my relationships to God, and begin the real road to healing." Change hearts. Changing lives. "Leaving homosexuality was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I finally saw the patterns of my same-sex attraction and came to understand the underlying needs that had sparked my longings. As I grew in my relationship with God, I knew He had changed me forever. Gone was the hardness. Gone was the hurt. And gone was the shrill cry inside, replaced with God's still, small voice. In His gentle love I found forgiveness, and the acceptance I sought so hard on my own." There is another way out. Please, if you, or someone you know or love, is struggling with homosexuality, show then this story. If you truly love someone, you'll tell them the truth. And the truth that God loves them could just be the truth that sets them free. Thousands of ex-gays like these have walked away from their homosexual identities. While the paths each took into homosexuality may vary, their stories of hope and healing through the transforming love of Jesus Christ are the same. Ex-gay ministries throughout the US work daily with homosexuals seeking change, and many provide outreach programs to their families and loved ones. If you really love someone, you'll tell them the truth. For information on contacting an ex-gay ministry in your area, please call 800-264-0877. In the public interest, this message was paid for by the following organizations, representing millions and millions of American families: Alliance for Traditional Marriage - Hawaii, 808-523-8451 American Family Association - 601-844-5036 Americans for Truth about Homosexuality - 202-393-2100 Center for Reclaiming America - 877-INTRUTH Christian Family Netword - 937-236-5433 Christian Coalition - 800-325-4746 Citizens for Community Values - 513-733-5775 Colorado for Family Values - 719-573-4229 Concerned Women for America - 800-458-8797 Coral Ridge Ministries - 877-468-7884 Family First - 303-471-8067 Family Research Council - 202-393-2100 Liberty Counsel - 800-671-1776 National Legal Foundation - 757-424-4242 Kerusso Ministries - 800-584-5630 ***************************************** FAMILY VALUES AD, RUN IN USA TODAY, Wednesday, 7/15/98: Toward Hope and Healing for America. [Photo of Dave, Ruth and Margie Waterbury of Minnesota] We're living proof that families with lesbian and gay kids can be whole, happy and worthy of all that this great country promises. Our lesbian daughter is the apple of our eye. Hello. We're Dave and Ruth Waterbury. We have two daughters whom we love very much. Margie is our lesbian daughter and she is all anyone could hope for in a child. Bright. Energetic. Successful. And a very happy young woman. There is no question that as a family, we had to adjust to the news that Margie was gay. She knew at a young age and had the courage to be honest with those she loved. We now understand with all our heart and soul that Margie is as complete and dynamic a human being as our other wonderful daughter who happens to be heterosexual. Minnesota is in the heart of America. We are a typical American family, with old roots in the heart of America. We love our church, our community and the beautiful Minnesota countryside. We bike. We cross-country ski. We're Republican. We share wonderful times with both our daughters. When we think about Margie, our only concern is the discrimination she faces as a lesbian. We were stunned to learn there are no basic federal protections for gay Americans. Not even in something as basic as employment. Did you know a person can be fired in 40 states simply for being gay? As a family, we think this is wrong. We bet most people agree. Gay people and their families are people of faith. Some in this country are selling a myth that gay Americans are not people of faith. But many are deeply religious and affiliated with a rich and diverse array of institutions of faith. There are those who want to claim God and the Bible for their own narrow vision of this nation. This country was founded on religious freedom and we feel our family should have the right to embrace our daughter and our faith on an equal basis. Our church. Your church. We feel blessed in that our congregation fully embraces our family. Every member of our family. In our faith, we follow a simple rule: The central message of the scripture is one of love and unity. When you think of it, this is the teaching of most faiths. Not division. Not discrimination. No once can claim an exclusive relationship with God. Most important, religious disagreements should never be used to justify discrimination. All leading medical experts agree. The American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association and even the American Medical Association agree. Homosexuality is not a mental illness. Furthermore, they tell us gay people are just as likely to be healthy and happy as the rest of us. We were lucky. When Margie told us she was gay, we asked our family doctor for help. He said she was a normal and healthy young person. He said she was just perfect as she is. We thank God we got the right advice. All leading medical authorities agree that psychological or medical techniques aimed at conversion can be extremely damaging. Equal rights, not special rights. Equality. A fair shake at life. A country free of discrimination. That is all we want for Margie. It is all anyone wants for their child. Don't buy the "special rights" rhetoric you hear from some extremist groups these days. It's a lot of baloney. As long as our daughter can be fired no matter how good a job she is doing, something needs to change. Fairness and nondiscrimination. Simple equality. We happen to be Republicans. But that shouldn't matter. Fairness and values of nondiscrimination know no party affiliation or ideology. Fairness should be a concern of Americans of all political stripes. It's as American as apple pie. Help us support our daughter. Margie, like all our children, deserves dignity, respect and a fair shot at life. There are those who wish to foster division in our country. We have enough challenges as a nation. Let's figure out how to truly support all our children. All families. Families like ours. Families like yours. If you really love someone, you'll fight for their right to live with dignity and fairness. In the public interest, this message was paid for by the following organizations, representing millions of American families: Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) 1-800-429-6334 Gay & Lesbian Victory Fund Foundation 202-842-8679 Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) 212-727-0135 The Gill Foundation Human Rights Campaign Foundation (HRC) 202-628-4160 An Uncommon Legacy Foundation 212-366-6507 National Black Lesbian & Gay Leadership Forum 202-483-6786 National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR) 415-392-6257 National Gay & Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF) 202-332-6483 National Latino/a LGBT Organization (LLEGO) 202-466-8240 National Youth Advocacy Coalition (NYAC) 202-319-7596 Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians & Gays (PFLAG) 202-638-4200 ***************************************** Dear Editor: I am blessed by being the mother of a gay son. Because of that, I have come to know many wonderful, healthy, happy individuals who happen to be gay, lesbian or bisexual. Our older son is included in that category. Because of my gay son, I have educated myself on the subject of homosexuality. I now know that the American Psychiatric Association recognized decades ago that homosexuality is not a disease or a disorder. Therefore, it does not need to be cured. The American Psychological Association and the American Medical Association agree. Although it was the standard treatment for decades, no reputable health care professional today tries to change a patient's sexual orientation. As a religious person, I have come to appreciate that God has created a wonderfully diverse world. That diversity extends to human beings. We have been created with a dazzling array of gifts, temperaments, colors, sizes and shapes and with different sexual orientations and ender identities. The God in whom I believe continually challenges me to love and serve others and to seek to understand and accept those who are different than I am -- difficult as that sometimes is. Because we are human beings, with human weakness and failings, we frequently fall short of that ideal. Our shortcomings cause a great deal of pain to others. Unfortunately, gays, lesbians and bisexuals are all too often subject to discrimination, hatred and shunning -- even by their families and churches -- just because of who they are. They are told they are sinful by people who have no idea what it means to be born gay and who do not know them as individuals. No wonder some gays are drawn to organizations which tell them they can be "cured" of their sexual orientation. Unfortunately, many who try find that they are not cured, and feel doubly abandoned. Others struggle to act as if they are no longer gay -- often at great cost to their mental, emotional, and even physical health. Others may feel relief from being able to talk about being gay, lesbian or bisexual, but find that their basic sexual orientation does not change. My hope is that those who sponsored the ad published in Tuesday's Washington Post, and those who read it, love lesbians, gays, and bisexuals enough to accept them and support them as they are. If anyone suffered childhood abuse or trauma, help them get help in a therapeutic setting which does not pressure those seeking help to try to change their sexual orientation. Make sure gays, lesbians and bisexuals are not shunned, discriminated against or attacked (morally, emotionaly or physically). Help those whose sexual orientation is different than the majority's heterosexuality to achieve the potential God gave them. If this happens as a result of the ad, the ad will serve a positive function. Sincerely, Kirsten Kingdon PFLAG Executive Director