Date: Thu, 1 Oct 1998 17:43:07 -0700 From: GLAAD Subject: GLAADAlert 10.1.98 Times00FF,00FF,00FF= GLAADALERT - October 1, 199800FF,00FF,00FF The GLAADAlert is the weekly activation tool of the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation 1) Washington Post Judges "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" Ruling; Finds It Lacking 2) Gay Man Advised That Family Bonds Can Cross Borders 3) Indianapolis Star-News Makes Simple, Eloquent Plea for Tolerance=20 4) Des Moines Register Demystifies Transgender Experiences 5) Oprah and Dateline Explore Coming Out 1) Washington Post Judges "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" Ruling; Finds It Lacking A Sept. 26 Washington Post editorial on the U.S. Court of Appeals ruling upholding the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy explained that the unanimous three-judge panel found the government's justification for the ban to be "sufficiently rational to make the policy, though clearly discriminatory, acceptable. ..." That justification: it "promotes unit cohesion, enhances privacy, and reduces sexual tension." On behalf of the court, Judge John Walker, Jr., wrote, "[W]e cannot say that the reliance by Congress on the professional judgment and testimony of military experts and personnel that those who engage in homosexual acts would compromise the effectiveness of the military was irrational." The post editorialized: "We can. Perhaps not by legal standards, but then again, a law's being constitutional and its being reasonable policy are two entirely different things. And if 'don't ask, don't tell' manages to clear the first hurdle, it still badly fails to clear the second. It preserves a kind of outlaw status for gays who wish to serve their country on the basis of nothing more than a suspicion that their presence might make others uncomfortable. It places the military in the position of simultaneously sanctioning prejudice and using that prejudice as a justification for a discriminatory policy. Eventually, this policy must change."=20 The Washington Post editorial dissects the appellate court ruling to expose the specious reasoning that flaws the decision. The newspaper castigates the federal appellate court's avoidance of the core issues in which opposition to the morally bankrupt "don't ask, don't tell" policy are anchored: fairness, reasonableness and individuals' right to equal treatment under the law.=20 Please thank the Washington Post for exposing the appellate court's ruling to the unforgiving light of logic - and for treating the court's role in upholding the shameful injustice of the U.S. military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy with deserved disdain. Contact: Meg Greenfield, Editor, Editorial Page, Washington Post, 1150 15th Street NW, Washington, DC 20071-0002, e-mail via WWW: http://www.washingtonpost.com 2) Gay Man Advised That Family Bonds Can Cross Borders In Carolyn Hax's advice column, published in the Sept. 27 Washington Post, a New York reader tells her he's a gay man from a developing country in South Asia. His parents, who still live there, don't know he's gay and are pressuring him to marry. "'My American friends have mostly come out to their parents and advise me to do the same,'" the man writes. "'But, until quite recently, homosexuality was an unmentionable subject in my country." Stating that the issue has kept him from seeing his parents for four years, he writes, "Sometimes I feel my parents will be able to take it. But then I think, what if the news kills them? How will I ever be able to face them after voicing such deeply taboo subjects?" Hax replies, "Funny thing to be worried about, since you've spent four years not facing them after voicing nothing at all." She continues, "They want a straight married son, and you ain't it. But you know what? The thing that will disappoint them has already happened, and nothing you do will change it. It's over, done with, out of your hands. You're gay. It's liberating, knowing what you can and can't change. Something you can - and need to change before obsessive indecision makes you outright squirrelly - is your orientation toward your parents. ... The arc I've seen with conservative parents is shock and rejection that give way, eventually, to acceptance. But that's here. There, in a less receptive culture, you might get disowned. Or embraced - your love for your parents is a sure sign they're good to you. They'll take it as Fate, or God, or New York. But you're the only one who knows them well enough to decide. Regardless of your choice, confess or conceal in person. Just go, visit them, be their son." Deciding whether or not to tell one's parents is among the most wrenching questions that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender persons are forced to deal with. Toss cultural differences into the mix and it can become paralyzing. Hax acknowledges this. She wisely refrains from advising outright on which course the man should choose; optimally, such a move should remain an individual's decision. She does, however, point out possible consequences of not telling - including barring the man's parents from one of the most integral parts of their child's life. Hax doesn't minimize the difficulties; she acknowledges how cultural differences might impact parental reactions - but points out that many parents overcome their initial distress and regain closeness with their children. She focuses on another key concern, as well - that the issue has kept the man separate from his parents for four years now - and properly advises him to visit them whatever his decision may be. Please thank Hax and the Washington Post for providing this understanding, compassionate and clear-sighted examination of one of the tougher issues facing almost all lesbians or gay men. Contact: Robert G. Kaiser, Managing Editor, and Carolyn Hax, Washington Post, 1150 15th Street NW, Washington, DC 20071-0002, e-mail via WWW: http://www.washingtonpost.com 3) Indianapolis Star-News Makes Simple, Eloquent Plea for Tolerance=20 In a Sept. 24 commentary, Indianapolis Star-News editorial writer Andrea Neal gives two examples from recent headlines illustrating the dangers of legislating morality: "First was the revelation that Henry Hyde, the same man who has spent much of his career lecturing women on the immorality of abortion, was an adulterer. Second was the announcement of a bill to be filed by state Reps. Woody Burton and Jack Lutz that would prohibit homosexual adoptions. The purpose, they said, is not to discriminate against gays but to protect families and children. Burton is the brother of Rep. Dan Burton, who recently confessed to an extramarital affair that produced a son he barely knows and rarely sees. The unmistakable message is that mixing morality and politics can be a messy thing. Most of us, if we're really honest, are hypocrites in some ways." Neal recounts that the Rev. Jeff Burris, in a sermon grappling with Methodists' position on homosexuality, said, "'It is not only possible, but it is the truth that good Christians can have different opinions on topics such as the role of women in the home and church, abortion, capital punishment, divorce, or perhaps even homosexuality, and still be perfectly good Christians, acceptable in the sight of God.' Instead of seeking black and white answers to our moral questions, he proposes a set of questions based on the principle of 'love one another.' If we shift our focus away from judging and toward loving one another, we can more easily overlook the inconsistencies of the Bill Clintons and Henry Hydes. We will spend less time tearing each other down and more seeking common ground."=20 Please thank Andrea Neal and the Indianapolis Star-News for this gentle and well-written call for tolerance. Contact: John Lyst, Editorial/Opinion Page Editor, and Andrea Neal, Indianapolis Star-News, 307 N. Pennsylvania St., Indianapolis, IN 46204-1811, fax: 317.656.1435 4) Des Moines Register Demystifies Transgender Experiences "Casey Gradischnig's appearance stops people short," Rekha Basu writes in the Sept. 29 Des Moines Register. "Sometimes it's frank curiosity, and other times it's hostile. Once, an off-duty police officer threatened to kill her." Casey is a female-to-male (FTM) transgender person, Basu writes. She is "knowingly blurring gender lines in a society that tries to keep them visibly distinct." You could argue that Gradischnig, "a 36-year-old able-bodied white woman from Iowa, brings the hostility on herself because of how she looks," Basu writes. "But she would reply there's no choice about it. You have to give her this much: Who would invite stares and abuse if there were an option?"=20 Transgender individuals "will unsettle and even anger some," Basu writes. Gender identity "punches holes in some basic assumptions most of us make - that the world is divided into two sexes, with no crossing over." Don't expect to understand it at a first glance, she concludes: "It's complex, mysterious, sometimes contradictory and often threatening - much like sex in general. But if you take nothing else away, take this: Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Even those who look different. Especially those who look different. In a world of sexual hypocrisy and lies, abuse, aggression and impropriety - all the way up to the White House - Casey Gradischnig is struggling to live honestly and with integrity within the confines of her contradictions. How many of us can make that claim?" Basu presents a positive, sensitively drawn and illuminating profile of an FTM person. The reporter does an excellent job of explaining the differences and relationships between the terms "transgender," "transsexual" and "cross-dressing." Basu also makes the often-overlooked point that all transgender persons have not had, nor do they contemplate, sex reassignment surgery.=20 Please discuss with the Des Moines Register the critical importance of making such clear and inclusive information available to the general public. Please thank them for this accurate, compassionate examination of a community too often targeted, misunderstood and marginalized. Contact: Diane Graham, Managing Editor, Des Moines Register, P.O. Box 957, Des Moines, IA 50304, fax: 515.286.2511, e-mail: dgraham@news.dmreg.com 5) Oprah and Dateline Explore Coming Out This past week, both The Oprah Winfrey Show and NBC's Dateline explored the coming out process using profiles of lesbian activist and author Chastity Bono as a springboard for discussions on that topic. On Sept. 28, Oprah featured a number of parents and their lesbian and gay children. Bono (GLAAD's former entertainment media director) was joined by her superstar mom Cher, a 1998 GLAAD Media Award-winner.=20 Cher spoke of her initially negative reaction to Bono's sexual orientation and of the struggles she went through in learning to accept her daughter. Two other lesbians, who were joined by their families, relayed their own more recent experiences as well. On the Sept. 29 edition of Dateline, Bono and Cher told Dateline co-host Jane Pauley about the impact of Bono's coming out upon their relationship, which is chronicled in Bono's new book, Family Outing. Also covered in the piece: Cher's negative reaction, Bono's tabloid "outing," and the estrangement she had from her father, U.S. Rep. Sonny Bono, in the year leading up to his death. Both programs brought wide-ranging audiences a greater understanding of a tough yet ultimately liberating experience: coming out to friends and family. Both shows made clear that the process can often be a painful one for families, but that the end result is often stronger, more loving relationships between child and parent. The pieces are especially timely given the fact that Oct. 11 is National Coming Out Day. Please thank both The Oprah Winfrey Show and Dateline for chronicling the process, the pain, and eventually the love and understanding that accompanies many lesbian and gay coming out experiences. =20 Contact: =85 The Oprah Winfrey Show, PO Box 909715, Chicago, IL 60690, e-mail via WWW: http://www.oprah.com =85 Sharon Scott, Supervising Producer, Dateline, 30 Rockefeller Plaza #408, New York, NY 10112-0002, fax: 212.664.7864, e-mail: dateline@news.nbc.com The GLAADAlert is the weekly activation tool of the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.=20 GLAAD promotes fair, accurate and inclusive representation in the media as a means of=20 challenging homophobia and all forms of discrimination based on sexual orientation or identity. Contact GLAAD by e-mail at glaad@glaad.org or by phone at 213.658.6775 (LA), 212.807.1700 (NY), 415.861.2244 (SF), 202.986.1360 (DC), 404.876.1398 (Atlanta) and 816.756.5991 (Kansas City) =46eel free to pass GLAADAlert on to friends, family and associates! Report defamation in the media by calling GLAAD's Toll-Free AlertLine! 1-800-GAY-MEDIA (1-800-429-6334)=20 Visit GLAAD Online at http://www.glaad.org00FF,00FF,00FF "GLAAD" and "Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation" are registered trademarks of the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, Inc. GLAADAlert may be freely distributed and reprinted in all forms of media under the condition that any text used carry the full attribution of "Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD)." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~= ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) glaad@glaad.org TO JOIN GLAAD AND RECEIVE GLAAD's DISPATCH AND QUARTERLY IMAGES MAGAZINE, call 1.800.GAY.MEDIA or join on the Web today at www.glaad.org/glaad/join/join-about.html TO SUBSCRIBE TO GLAAD-Net, GLAAD's electronic mailing list, send e-mail to majordomo@vector.casti.com with the message "Subscribe GLAAD-Net" TO UNSUBSCRIBE, send e-mail to majordomo@vector.casti.com with the message "Unsubscribe GLAAD-Net" GLAAD is a national organization that promotes fair, accurate and inclusive representation as a means of challenging discrimination based on sexual orientation or identity. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~= ~~ "GLAAD" and "Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation" are registered trademarks of the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, Inc.Times