Date: Thu, 17 Nov 1994 00:34:05 -0600 (CST) From: Kevyn Jacobs FROM THE KANSAS STATE COLLEGIAN KANSAS STATE UNIVERSITY WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 1994 REPRINTED WITH PERMISSION ------------------------------- A lost friend -- Pedro Zamaro By ERIN MANSUR-SMITH Collegian Pedro was dead. As soon as I heard about it, I wanted to just lie down on the cool and dirty newsroom floor and cry. There was pain. Actual physical pain. Not like the proverbial punch to the stomach, but more like a well-placed jab to the fleshy part of my arm right below the hard knob of my elbow. You know, that place you only ever remember exists when you hit it on something that won't bend, and it sends little lightening bolts of pain all over your body. Sera, the young woman who told me the news, had this watery look in her eyes like maybe she had been crying. (But she always looks like she's on the verge of tears.) All I could do was ask "Is it true?" I must have said that once or twice. When she said "yes," I saw she was really upset about it. Then I felt really upset about it. It just kept going through my mind: God, Pedro is dead. My friend is dead. It didn't matter that I had never even met the man; that he was, in fact, a face on television. Pedro Zamora was one of seven people on MTV's "A Real World" who were paid to live in a house in San Francisco and have every moment of their lives together recorded for a television broadcast. I have never been into voyeurism, so I wasn't a regular watcher of the show, but if I was flipping through the channels, and I saw it was on, I would watch it. Because Pedro made me feel something every time I saw him and heard him speak. He was intelligent, articulate and sensitive. He seemed to be thoughtful and just the kind of person I would really like to get know and become friends with. Pedro seemed to be a lot of fun to be around and, in a way, I envied the people who knew him. The fact that he had AIDS didn't faze me or even surprise me. It was obvious he was seriously ill. The man was so thin he didn't even cast a shadow ! Also, Pedro's skin seemed to be covered with a fine sheen of Elmer's glue, and that white aura only got brighter and brighter as he got sicker and sicker. By the time the show went off the air, it was blazing like sunshine off new snow. I knew he had pneumonia. I'd heard they were having a fundraiser to help him with his medical bills, but after that, I heard very little until the news that he had died. I can almost hear you say "so what, right? I mean, it's tragic Pedro Zamora died of a disease that could have been prevented. What has that got to do with me?" Look, I could throw facts at you, numbers, statistics. I could have a picture of a dying AIDS patient or nifty graphics of dancing condoms and safe-sex ads. I could stand on the roof of Eisenhower Hall and scream "abstinence" at the top of my lungs. But it's not going to change anything, is it? It's not going to humanize the disease for you. It's not going to touch you, move you to do anything beyond what you are already doing. It's not going to stop the "fag" jokes or the hate spread around about AIDS and HIV. Frankly, I got pretty tired of trying to make a difference. I got sick of 22 year olds dying and feeling a responsibility to shove it in your face, to make you see beyond those numbers, words, pictures to the human being that lay behind them; human beings that had families and friends and a life that was interrupted. Pedro Zamora wasn't a TV character. He was a man who used the five years since he was diagnosed with AIDS until the time he died of the disease to be a spokeperson against ignorance and hate. He spoke to everyone from high schools to Congress. Pedro made a difference, and if it was only to me, it was enough. I am not letting up, you all out there. Be warned. I'm not going to let anyone die faceless. I'm not letting any of you die without a fight. For Pedro. ============================================================== Copyright 1994, Student Publications Inc. All rights reserved. This document may be distibuted electronically, provided it is distributed in its entirety and includes this notice. However, it cannot be reprinted without the express written permission of Student Publications Inc., Kansas State University.