Date: Sun, 19 Mar 1995 22:20:38 -0500 From: Ttownqueer@aol.com Tinseltown's Queer! Free Weekly Column #9: "THE LITTLE FAGGOT WHO COULD!" PLEASE FEEL FREE TO PASS THIS ALONG THROUGH CYBERSPACE, THE WORLD WIDE WEB, ETC. ***CONDITIONS FOR PUBLICATION/DISTRIBUTION FOLLOW COLUMN*** _________________________________________ COLUMN #9- March 26th thru April 1st, 1995 Copyright (c) 1995 by Nicholas Snow, All Rights Reserved Nicholas Snow is... TINSELTOWN'S QUEER! "News, Commentary and Gossip, With a Political Cutting Edge." "THE LITTLE FAGGOT WHO COULD!" Do you know how it feels to have an experience so tremendous that your psyche doesn't necessarily want to meet your feelings head on? Well, I've just had such an experience, and I'm not sure whether to laugh, cry, eat, take a shower, have sex (with who?), scream or just collapse. I must say, however, I feel like doing all of the above (not necessarily in that order) right about now, and I'm sure I will before the day is through (Any volunteers? Oh, well, guess I'll go it alone). I've started with two icy glasses of OJ (the juice, not the man, but don't tempt me, he is handsome), and if you were to be sitting next to me (or in my lap...Can you tell what kind of mood I'm in?), you might just wish I had taken my shower as well. You see, I JUST GOT HOME FROM MY VERY FIRST TRAINING RIDE for California AIDS Ride II (presented by Tanqueray), and I didn't even use training wheels! My heart is racing, my blood is pumping, my hormones are raging, my muscles are aching, and I am filled with hope and inspiration. As a Queer John Bradshaw might say, I'm learning to love the little fag within me. I've invited him out of his room. I've invited him out to play, and frankly, I think he's ready! Some of my most painful memories about my life are from my third and fourth grade years of elementary school. I was an awkward, lonely, physically weak kid, constantly tormented by boys (and some girls) my age who called me "FAGGOT" as viciously and frequently as they wanted, banishing me from the soccer field, and occasionally even from jump rope, to the steps of the gymnasium where I played with Shelly and Angela and their dolls. You remember jumping rope (or watching others) to "Cinderella, dressed in Yellow, went up stairs to kiss her fellow..." Well, as a third grade FAG with an inner Spirit rebelling even then from the mandatory heterosexual view of the world that just didn't fit me, I made up my own jump rope rhyme: "Jack, Jack, the Jumping Jack, went upstairs and sat on a tack! How many inches did it go in? 1, 2, 3..." Hellooooooooo! Freud? If I CHOSE to be a fag, I obviously did so BEFORE the third grade. If you're reading this column, I'm going to assume that you're not a novice when it comes to comprehending the many consequences of growing up as a human being with no place to BE. And many of us are still hiding inside. For me, the situation is very complex, because as a gay male, living in the heart of West Hollywood, just a hop, skip and a jump rope from Gym Row, I still DO NOT fit into the 'The Scene.' What scene am I talking about? I'm talking about the "straight-acting", Speedo-clad, tank-topped, muscle-bound, gym bimbo crowd that migrates seasonally from the Palm Springs White Party to the Florida Keys, and from Hotlanta to Atlantis--transported by some RSVP cruise--when they're not all posing for each other, or for the photo shoots which result in the Pretty Boy parade of pecs passing us by, page after page, in our own print media. And then there's my family. They're the ones who are supposed to love me unconditionally--the people I'm linked to for my time on the planet. But I don't really fit in that well at "home" either, because, while I couldn't help being a fag, I have chosen to be a Queer (a VERY BIG Queer), and they just don't get it. So, where in the world could the little fag within me feel safe enough to come out and play, and what force could be powerful enough to convince him to move from the darkness into the light, to even begin to discover the safety, the security, the acceptance, and the love of one true human family? Where does the little fag, afraid of BEing, find a place to be? Where does ee find a place where people put aside their differences to fight for the greatest good of all concerned, with tolerance, understanding and love? Enter people from all walks of life, over bridges built by the catastrophe of AIDS, learning to see one another in a way that screams in defiance at the oppressive legacy of our land; learning to overcome the demons of our pasts; exhibiting the strength of body, mind and Sprit that, only collectively, with love and support, can rise to meet the challenges of lookism, sexism, racism, heterosexism, homophobia, and the many other isms and divisions that so often exist between us. Enter, now, the participants of California AIDS Ride II. California AIDS Ride II is a bike ride (not a race) to raise money for the Jeffrey B. Goodman Special Care Clinic and AIDS-related services of the Gay & Lesbian Community Services Center of Los Angeles. From May 14th-20th, 1995, over 1500 riders will travel from San Francisco to Los Angeles to raise over four million dollars to help in the battle against AIDS. I'm sure every rider who is participating has their own stories of motivation and commitment. I ride in honor of my friend, Vincent J. Desio, who died on June 10th, 1994. With encouragement from Vincent, I made great progress in overcoming my fear of exercise, team sports, and athletic environments. We often went to the Voight Fitness & Dance Center, a place where adult fags, and the women who love us (and even some cool straight men) go to exercise, and my transformation began. Yes, I'm riding The Ride in honor of Vincent, and in honor of the perpetual Lifeforce gifted to us by all those who have physically died. I'm riding The Ride to fight for those living with AIDS. I'm riding The Ride to meet and experience and help create a human family from all walks of life where everyone is allowed to BE. And I'm riding The Ride in love and acceptance and honor of that little fag within me, too frightened to surface, until now. Yes, little Nicholas is finally ready to come out and be part of the team. Nicholas Snow is Rider #1193 in California AIDS Ride II. Tax-deductible pledges can be made to California AIDS Ride (mark #1193 on your contribution), and sent to California AIDS Ride, 8270 Santa Monica Blvd., Los Angeles, CA, 90046, or to pledge by credit card, call 1-800-4-RIDE-95. Nicholas Snow, self-proclaimed "Actor-Writer-Singer-Songwriter-Publisher-Columnist-Activist-Diva", is the producer and host of the syndicated television show, "Tinseltown's Queer!" His editorial mission (and the foundation of his entertainment pursuits) is,"To examine and strengthen the relationship between the entertainment industry and the Queer (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgenderist) Civil Rights Movement, thereby positively impacting the movement itself." For more information, or with questions, comments, breaking news or gossip, E-mail Ttownqueer@aol.com, write 7985 Santa Monica Blvd., Suite 450, West Hollywood, CA 90046, or call Snow's 24-HOUR Audio Press Release at (818) 771-7690. ### _____________________________________________ CONDITIONS FOR PUBLICATION and/or RE-DISTRIBUTION (modified 1/29/95). This is a FREE, weekly, syndicated column, distributed electronically via the internet, available to any interested print publication or on-line user. Although this material is copyrighted by the author, you are hereby granted permission to print (only in newspapers or magazines--no books) and distribute (electronically) this column on a one-time-per-column basis. EDITORS/PUBLISHERS: Please feel free to edit the column for length or timeliness, as it may simply be too long for your particular publication, or perhaps outdated, as some of the subscribing publications are monthly, or bi-weekly, as opposed to weekly. IF YOU PRINT OR REDISTRIBUTE THIS COLUMN IN ANY WAY, YOU MUST LEAVE THE FINAL PROMOTIONAL PARAGRAPH(s) INTACT (That's why this column is free), and you must send two copies of each issue which contains the column to Nicholas Snow, The Tinseltown Queer, 7985 Santa Monica Blvd., Suite 450, West Hollywood, CA 90046. IF YOU WANT A BLACK & WHITE HEADSHOT TO ACCOMPANY THE COLUMN, PLEASE EMAIL YOUR REQUEST AND MAILING ADDRESS TO Ttownqueer@aol.com. (On online photo will be forthcoming in a few weeks, for electronic recipients). The column is distributed anytime between Sunday a.m. and Monday p.m., Pacific Standard Time. If you have received this column as the result of being on a list or newsgroup and wish to receive it directly, please notify me at Ttownqueer@aol.com. Thank you very much. Sincerely, Nicholas Snow The Tinseltown Queer